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"Sexually abused" as teenager, pope visit & abuse talk bringing it all back

  • 26-08-2018 11:51am
    #1
    PInewreg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    So I posted this last night anonymously but it never appeared. I guess there must be an issue with anonymous posting. I just really want to talk a little bit of about it but can't offline and people I know in real life know my username.

    But when I was in my mid teens I was groomed online by an older man (15 years + my senior) who preyed on my insecurities. It involved a couple of years of convincing me that we were in a relationship and some explicit photos, eventually just after my 16th birthday we met and had sex (typing that actually makes me feel sick).

    I did some therapy a few years ago, it came up and was reported to the guards but I wasn't in any frame of mind to pursue it formally, and honestly the therapy was focused on something else so I didn't ever really go into it much. Normally I'm okay with it. I normally  think about it daily and sometimes wonder if my life would have been better if it hadn't happened, but normally I move on from those thoughts easily.

    With the pope visiting though there's been some much in the media and talk generally about the abuses I'm finding it really hard to function. I lie around all day thinking about it and what could have been. And I'm so conflicted because in theory it was illegal but at the time I wanted it all and felt so grown up having an older boyfriend... He was so nasty when I broke it off. But I just I dunno, was it even wrong and maybe I'm just wallowing and making excuses for regret.

    I don't know what to do. I'd love to just be able to never think about it again and move on. I really want it to just stop following me. I'm so tired of keeping my secret for so long, I just want it to go away...


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP

    You are not alone, when these kinds of topics are in the media a lot people who are survivors find it very hard to hear people they know have casual conversations about abuse or see news stories. You will learn what triggers you and next time this topic comes up in the media a lot you will know how best to deal with this. It is helpful to give yourself a reality check, split up what are your feelings from past events and what are your feelings as a reaction to a story and ground yourself. Use ground techniques, reach out for help, call the RCC and make an action plan to move you away from this state and back into a more stable and manageable place.

    You have no responsibility to take any of these issues on, you can practice self care, tune out of those conversations, skip the news, listen to podcasts/music instead of the radio and allow yourself to not feel like you have to take it all in!

    I also notice very black and white thinking in your post, this is so overwhelming so you wish your life to be different and this kind of thinking can make you feel worse because it is unrealistic (and moves us further away from achieving a reality check to ground yourself) so that kind of thought would be good to maybe discuss with someone on a help line because things are okay now it just sounds like you've wobbled and you are feeling very intensely but you can get back to a better place.

    Part of the reality check is accepting you are safe right now, you are healing, you are learning how best to look after yourself and not just thinking because you can think, think, think but sometimes you need a break and a bit of self care and do something nice for yourself - right now! Meditate, make a cup of tea, put on a show you like, get showered and into your favourite PJs. Again, you have NO responsibility to take on anything you hear about abuse or figure out your past this second.

    It all sounds a bit avoident and trivial but sometimes when you're taking on the worries of your entire past and others stepping back and taking a break is important to do as a survivor.


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