Personal issues I can’t explain , maybe it’s normal , introvert?

wally1990

I am a 27 Years old male and I would consider myself a bit introverted

I like a close circle of friends and my own company

I’m can be awkward around people

I don’t really know how to start or hold a conversation and just find myself giving one word answers

If someone I don’t know is speaking to me I’ve tended to develop a weird habit of pinching my arm (not obvious to others ) to ensure I’m listening , maintaining eye contact etc and conversation while just thinking to myself I wish this would end so I can remove myself

However if someone speaks about something I’m interested in I could speak with them for ages or if it’s about work stuff which I interested in I will speak for ages and feel comfortable

When I drink alcohol I am much more outgoing but in Normal day to day social interactions I’m finding my interactions with people getting more difficult

In work I stick to my work team or sometimes wear headphones to avoid conversations while l I work on my projects and accounts

I am also married and find it difficult to hold conversation with her family but not my wife

People say I am quiet I’ve heard in some ways but my problem seems to be getting worse of late

Outside of work: I just want to stay at home and I hate going out socializing or any event where there is people I don’t know etc

I’m not depressed just Incase someone thinks that

I just much prefer my own company.

This overwelcoming feeing comes over me of awkwardness and I just want to remove myself from the social interaction.

I’m not had any treatment or spoken to anyone and I’ve no interest to

My query is

; is it possible that I’m becoming more introverted as I get older ?

Could it be something else ?

Has anyone else experienced this. ?

Faith

You say you’re not interested in any kind of ‘treatment’ so I presume you’re happy with how you are? If that’s the case, and you’re just looking for validation, then yeah, I’m sure what you’re experiencing is quite common. Most people get more stuck in their ways as they get older and more settled (which for you looks like avoiding social interactions).

wally1990

Faith wrote: »

You say you’re not interested in any kind of ‘treatment’ so I presume you’re happy with how you are? If that’s the case, and you’re just looking for validation, then yeah, I’m sure what you’re experiencing is quite common. Most people get more stuck in their ways as they get older and more settled (which for you looks like avoiding social interactions).

I wouldn’t say I am ‘happy’ with it but I’ve come to understand it’s just the way I am. It’s my personality and that is very difficult to change.

I’ve noticed it’s becoming worse , I become obsessed with my certain interests and only tend to care about reading/ researching them and other stuff people talk to me about or general chit chat becomes mundane to me

Interaction with people as mentioned makes feel very uncomfortable and awkward. I also find it difficult to maintain eye contact which is something I am trying to work on.

I am wondering is this normal for other introverts ?

Faith

I wouldn’t say it’s the most typical behavior I have ever heard. It would be a particular red flag for me that you’re struggling with eye contact, and you recognise that you’re overly fixated on a narrow range of interests.

Have you ever spoken to a health professional about this? While I’m in no way attempting to make a diagnosis, you may find it interesting to do some reading around autism spectrum disorders.

seamus

Introversion, like extraversion, is obviously a range. So there's not necessarily a "normal" for all introverts, but certainly many of your traits are things I recognise in myself. I am unashamedly introverted;

- I like a close circle of friends and my own company

- I can be stiff/awkward around people I've never met before

- "I don’t really know how to start or hold a conversation and just find myself giving one word answers" - I would certainly recognise this, but I've gotten better at it.

- When I drink alcohol I am much more outgoing

- In work I stick to my work team or sometimes wear headphones to avoid conversations while l I work on my projects and accounts

- "I am also married and find it difficult to hold conversation with her family but not my wife" - I wouldn't say "difficult", but I certainly wouldn't be comfortable having an open conversation with them as I am with friends or my family.

- "People say I am quiet"

- "I just want to stay at home and I hate going out socializing or any event where there is people I don’t know etc" - I enjoy socialising with people I know, but that's more because I don't get to do it as often. I can recall pre-children that I would frequently just stay at home rather than go out, if I'd already been out recently.

- "someone speaks about something I’m interested in I could speak with them for ages or if it’s about work stuff which I interested in I will speak for ages and feel comfortable"

- "other stuff people talk to me about or general chit chat becomes mundane to me"

is it possible that I’m becoming more introverted as I get older ?

For introverts, learning how to be social is a muscle that has to be exercised, and has to be continually exercised to hold onto it. You're not becoming "more introverted", but like all people as you get older your tolerance for "things I don't have to do" reduces and you tend to be averse to doing what's expected of you rather what makes you happy.

This doesn't mean you have to get out and go socialise and meet all sorts of people. But it can be worth engaging in activities where encountering others is a consequence rather than a goal. Such as a sports club - running is always a good one, because it's an activity that you can do solo when you feel like it, but can also be done in a group.

Identify the things you like doing, and then see if there's a club you can join for those activities.

It's easy to overthink your interactions with other people. Especially when you already feel that this is a pain point for you. Ignoring it or reducing your social interactions will never make this go away; if anything it'll only make it worse and every social interaction from going to weddings to buying something in a shop, will become more and more uncomfortable.

Getting yourself used to random interactions is the only way to remove your self-consciousness about it. You're never going to become the outgoing, charming and hilarious life-and-soul of the party, but you can get to a point where you don't feel like running away instead of ringing the doorbell.

Wanderer2010

<SNIP> no need to quote entire OP

How did you get a wife if you suffered from these ailments? On some level you must have been confident enough to go out and start dating a girl who eventually became your wife because people out there can spend years trying to find someone so I think on a deeper level, you just have some residual social anxiety which can be worked through if you contact a CBT therapist, good luck!

zoobizoo

Hey OP.

I think what's happening is that you don't like wasting time talking ****e. And you've realised that yes; a lot of people talk about stuff that isn't of interest to you.

You may have reached this milestone earlier than others.

I used to be very much like you. I find it difficult to maintain eye contact now only with people who are talking at me. As in it a a one sided conversation and it's all about them.

And remember, you're not going to connect with everyone.

I was at a family dinner the other night with parents and siblings and I was bored. I barely engaged. The conversation wasn't interesting so it was impossible to feel engaged and therefore difficult to maintain eye contact. But, if I met them all individually or in smaller groups I'd have been fine.

Don't try to label it as introversion or extraversio.
In the past I'd have consider myself introverted but it was mainly just that I was shy, self conscious and had no confidence.

If it's effecting you negatively then maybe talk to a therapist .

But I would think it could be a low threshold for boring chat and inane conversations that are the issue. ......