Normal ONS behaviour or something more?

LegacyUser

Let me start by saying that I've never had a "one night stand" before hence me being new to all of this and a bit befuddled and looking for some unbiased opinions.

So I've been talking to this guy online for the past few weeks. He's been working abroad so we haven't had much of a chance to meet up and see each other. We met initially for the first time about 6 weeks ago, went on a date of sorts, but really we just spent the night drinking in various pubs and getting to know each other better.

He had booked a hotel room for the night as he had to travel a considerable distance and he was asking whether he should book a single or double bed, I emphatically told him to get a single as I wouldn't be going back with him that night, that it was drinks only and he was cool with that.

He was always quite flirty when talking online and trying to initiate sexting but in person he was a perfect gentleman. In fact a lot more reserved and quieter than I had anticipated. He did make some comment about kissing me midway through the night, but nothing ever came of it, so no big deal, I had fun, enjoyed the night but didn't really ever expect to see him again as he was going abroad again with work.

We've kept in touch ever since and he's back home again for the next few weeks so we arranged to meet up during the week and this time I organised the hotel. I was a bit shy and nervous as it had been a while since I'd had full on sex with a guy, so I was feeling a little rusty and awkward. Whilst I don't think it was as long for him and he was experienced in that department he didn't make any moves for the first few hours as we sat and chatted and Channel hopped on the TV whilst we made small talk.

Eventually we both snapped out of it and got down to business and everything was great there. He was very attentive and eager to please. Definitely a giver not a taker. So all good in that department.

Now, I've never really had a ONS before, so this is sorta new to me, but that I found a little odd (but in a good way) was how affectionate he was the whole night. Constantly kissing me, even while in the middle of intercourse, lots of hand holding, holding me close, stroking my hair, running his fingers through my hair and stroking my face.

I know everyone's different, but just wondering if this is the norm for a ONS? It felt more like a "boyfriend" experience than just 2 people meeting up for sex, if that makes any sense?

He's around for a few weeks but will be gone again with his work for the longterm, so there's no possibility of anything happening, no future there and I don't think either of us were looking for that, and there's been no big "feels" involved up until this point.

I wasn't expecting to like him and for him to be so loving and affectionate, but Damnit, I've kinda got the feels for him now after the last night.. Am I reading too much into his actions? Do most guys do this with a ONS?

SozBbz

I'm not sure there is such a thing as typical behavior. Its probably just normal for him. His sex style might just be more tender/intimate etc than just mechanical. That doesnt mean its anything more than just sex for him though, especially if he's always been upfront about his plans and the fact that he won't be available to have a relationship.

However, it seems that this style of intimacy is causing you to blur the lines. If thats the case, I'd advise that you cool things with him sooner rather than later because otherwise you're only going to get hurt.

ginandtonicsky

Totally agree with the above. I've had mechanical sex in relationships and really intimate, loving experiences with guys that I would never see again after the next morning. It's all down to the style of lovemaking you/he has and how that plays out when you're together.

The relationship indicators are in what happens before and after those intimate moments. Does he push to meet up and move things forward, is he having meaningful conversations with you beyond the sexting, is he going out of his way to see you despite it not being at all practical? Does he talk about future dates with you that don't involve hotel rooms? Those types of things might mean something.

Idle Passerby

It's not really a one night stand if you've had a few dates and are continuing to keep in touch after.

As others have said, there's no formula for what sex is going to be like with anyone. Would you have preferred if he was cold and mechanical?

If your worried that physical intimacy leads to unwanted feelings than perhaps it's an indication that casual encounters don't suit you.