How do I approach this, boyfriend gay?

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I don't know what to do, so seeking advice.

The other night my boyfriend (of 4 years) called to me after a night out, we were looking up videos on his phone and he went to his browser and I saw " fabguys limerick" was his last search (we are from limerick), I said nothing, just saw.

he then instantly cleared his history on his browser infront of me.
I thought nothing of it at first...then it started playing on my mind. turns out it is a gay website for gay hookups.

Should I be assuming he is gay / curious. I don't know what to do, should I bring it up to him?

We are in our 30s.

Any advice welcome.

Thanks

Lux23

What does fabguys refer to?

Mrcaramelchoc

<SNIP - no need to quote entire OP>

This is the one and only sign you have?could he have clicked on an advert on a straight porn site?

Kitty6277

I would say bring it up to him gently, it's probably the only way you'll find out for sure. Just maybe prepare yourself for the fact that you may not like the answer you get.

At the end of the day, it could be a misunderstanding and worrying about it will do you no good, so the only way to know one way or another is to ask.

nikkibikki

He knows you saw it, so bring it up with him? Whatever his answer, you deserve honesty.

gaynorvader

Could be totally innocent, could be one of his mates messing with him. I'd parrot what the other posters have said and tell you to just talk to him about it.

SozBbz

Is this the only thing you're working off? Has there been anything else that could lead you to this conclusion?
I can only echo what others have said in that its possible that this has gotten there through innocent means and he deleted it out of embarrassment/hoping you didnt notice.
I know my OH and his friends have sent each other all sorts of stuff through whatsapp groups and wouldnt be beyond a bit of messing on each others phones if they saw the opportunity. 
Also, even if he is curious, it doesnt mean that he's actually gay. 
I'm not saying you're definitely wrong, but if  this is all your going on, I wouldn't worry too much just yet.

suicide_circus

well when I read "fab guys limerick" on you post I laughed and had to google it immediately. I don't think that makes me gay. that site however is.

orthsquel

It wouldn't necessarily mean he is gay, maybe one of his friends used his phone, or he heard about it and googled it to know what it was (if someone mentioned fabguys in Limerick, I'd think they'd be talking about maybe a restaurant or a barber), or maybe even a friend, family member of his set up a profile and wanted some feedback on the profile (some are public, some are private). It could all be very innocent or, he may just be curious, the best thing really is that you should just ask him otherwise it will fester in your mind.

Johnnyhpipe

My wife saw on my phone “big c0ck p0rn”..

I was looking for a picture to cut and paste into my friends face for a joke on whatsapp... yes i have all the maturity of a 14 year old...but maybe your boyfriend does too..

seamus

Johnnyhpipe wrote: »

My wife saw on my phone “big c0ck p0rn”..

I was looking for a picture to cut and paste into my friends face for a joke on whatsapp... yes i have all the maturity of a 14 year old...but maybe your boyfriend does too..

This. Could easily have been a joke sent to him or anything like that.

If you've never had another reason to think this is the case, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

leggo

I mean, yeah, it's definitely worth a conversation. And the fact you came across it naturally and innocently, and weren't snooping or anything, means you've every right to bring it up. There are a million possible innocent explanations, I know if someone came across my Google searches or whatever and made their own conclusions they'd probably think some weird stuff, but truth is if I hear/see something interesting I'll look it up and won't think twice and it doesn't mean I'm into or endorse that thing.

The only mitigating factor really is that he tried to cover it up: if the girl I'm seeing came across something like that, I'd laugh and explain the context because I knew it was innocent. But it could also just be because it's really immature like he found out someone in work was on it and he wanted to have a laugh at his really cheesy profile, or any number of explanations.

LegacyUser

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

I have used fabguys.
It's a hook up act for gay or bisexual men, or bi-curious.
You can see who's mobile online and how far away from you they are, browse profiles, there's a 'top pictures' section of photos of users that have been 'fabbed' most in the previous 24hrs.

It's not like stumbling on to youporn or pornhub etc.
Your boyfriend may not be gay, but he's definitely turned on by either other men's penis, or transvestites, transsexuals, bi-men etc.

He may not be intending to meet anyone or even talk to anyone, but he's definitely getting turned on by homosexual material.

Take it from me, been there done that.
And I'm a married man, but this was before my time as a married man. I even met a man off it to satisfy a curiosity.

Bootlegger

He's gay I'm afraid. Straight men do not look up sites called 'fabguys'.

And no, don't fall for the 'haha my friends hacked my computer, I-I swear!' excuse that you'll invariably hear.

nikkibikki

Bootlegger wrote:

He's gay I'm afraid. Straight men do not look up sites called 'fabguys'.

He could be bi. Or just curious.

LegacyUser

Been that guy wrote: »

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

I have used fabguys.
It's a hook up act for gay or bisexual men, or bi-curious.
You can see who's mobile online and how far away from you they are, browse profiles, there's a 'top pictures' section of photos of users that have been 'fabbed' most in the previous 24hrs.

It's not like stumbling on to youporn or pornhub etc.
Your boyfriend may not be gay, but he's definitely turned on by either other men's penis, or transvestites, transsexuals, bi-men etc.

He may not be intending to meet anyone or even talk to anyone, but he's definitely getting turned on by homosexual material.

Take it from me, been there done that.
And I'm a married man, but this was before my time as a married man. I even met a man off it to satisfy a curiosity.

OP here.

Thanks for all your replies, needless to say I am freaking out.

This is the only indication I have ever gotten.

Been that guy, how do you think I should approach this? Totally confront him?

leggo

Been that guy wrote: »

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

I have used fabguys.
It's a hook up act for gay or bisexual men, or bi-curious.
You can see who's mobile online and how far away from you they are, browse profiles, there's a 'top pictures' section of photos of users that have been 'fabbed' most in the previous 24hrs.

It's not like stumbling on to youporn or pornhub etc.
Your boyfriend may not be gay, but he's definitely turned on by either other men's penis, or transvestites, transsexuals, bi-men etc.

He may not be intending to meet anyone or even talk to anyone, but he's definitely getting turned on by homosexual material.

Take it from me, been there done that.
And I'm a married man, but this was before my time as a married man. I even met a man off it to satisfy a curiosity.

Not true. I downloaded Grindr in the pub before when a gay friend of mine started talking about how you could see people metres away from you and it blew my mind to see if there were people in the pub on it at the time (deleted it afterwards as no interest). I've looked up Escort Ireland after mates have been talking about it to see if I recognised anyone, like someone in my apartment complex, because apparently 'they're everywhere'. Never used an escort and it wouldn't be my cup of tea at all. But, in theory, someone could scope my phone or browser history, find that and draw their own conclusions despite it being totally harmless. Same could easily be true here.

wiggle16

Any of the above explanations is perfectly reasonable. He could be gay or bi, or curious. It could have been something he looked up for a cheap laugh. Or there could be another explanation. The only thing that would cause me any concern was the fact that he cleared his browser history immediately. And even that could just have been embarrassment.

The only way you are going to find out either way is simply to ask him, and then unless he breaks down in tears and tells you he's gay, I would just forget about it. Maybe it was for a joke, maybe he is curious about it - either way, it was just one term in his browser history. In the grand scheme of things it does not mean much. A lot of guys look up escort services with no intention of ever getting involved with escorts, it's just something that excites them, this may be no different except it's men. Doesn't necessarily mean he's gay.

I'm gay and have never heard of fabguys. The above poster who says that your bf is 100% being turned on by homosexual material is basing that assertion on very little info.

The long and short of it is that you saw one line in his browser history and it's impossible to draw conclusions from it. The only way to do that is to ask him.

Lone Stone

Probably one of those pop up pages when your browsing porn it happens alot I wouldn't worry about it.

beertons

Maybe, one of his friends said that such and such, looks like a guy in fab boys Limerick. And he typed in the address to have a look and a giggle.

We'd do this all the time, my gang. I think we've been at it for 20 years.

frankythefish

I see little point in bringing up this conversation. 1 scenario will arise, he will deny he is gay and be upset that you asked. Gay or not, 1 result

Grab All Association

Firstly you need to talk to him ASAP.

Lets say its true that he's bisexual or at least bicurious. Youve got to ask yourself how far would you go/would you do to save your relationship with him. Would you be comfortable letting him do sexual stuff with men from time to time? Would you want/expect him to supress his sexual desires? Would you partake in stuff with him e.g threesoms, gangbangs etc?

These are some of the questions you'll have to ask yourself if he's turned on by gay/trans people.

Good luck OP

leggo

For the record, even if he is bi or curious, there’s no incumbency on the OP to feel pressured to ‘allow’ him to experiment. It’s still cheating if he was curious and acted on it as much as if he’d done it with a woman.

Grab All Association

leggo wrote: »

For the record, even if he is bi or curious, there’s no incumbency on the OP to feel pressured to ‘allow’ him to experiment. It’s still cheating if he was curious and acted on it as much as if he’d done it with a woman.

Oh of course its the OP' decision at the end of the day.

There comes a time in every relationship when you must ask yourself how far will you go to save the relationship

I know its difficult but in most relationships there has ro be compromises.

gaynorvader

isboyfriendgay1234 wrote: »

OP here.

Thanks for all your replies, needless to say I am freaking out.

This is the only indication I have ever gotten.

Been that guy, how do you think I should approach this? Totally confront him?

The easiest way would be something along the lines of "So what was the deal with the fabguys search history?" in a casual enough way. No accusations, no judgement, just let him give you his side.

up for anything

After taking a look at it it looks extremely like a site a friend of mine* uses, Fabswingers. Lots of married and partnered up guys post on Fab swingers because they are bi or bi-curious and their female partners don't know that they are or that they are on the site. Quite a lot of them actually satisfy their curiosity from time to time without their partners' knowledge.


*It is actually a friend of mine. Despite being up for anything I'm a bit conservative.

ShaShaBear

Some people are REALLY jumping off the deep end here.

Any time I have to use my OH's phone (call someone because mine is dead, Google something quickly, use an app I don't have etc), the first thing I do is Google something outrageously gay and change it to his background :pac:
He's done the same on me loads of times.

Not too long ago, I had heard about the whole "sugar baby" system and that there were sites for that. I searched for loads of them, linked them to my best mate, we actively discussed which lads we'd consent to and which ones were having a laugh, surely. So my search history would have looked super-implicating, had I not told my husband when he got home and he proceeded to Google it and see how much money he could net by swinging the other way for a bit :pac:

He might have honestly been tricked into searching for it. Asked a mate for a restaurant recommendation and got told to look up "Fabguys".

Then again, he could also have searched for it because he's curious about penis.

The only way you could possibly know is to ask. Having a small scale panic attack that he might be gay is an overreaction.