Doing activities on my own....

laurenceltic

Basically I have no friends. I am 29 years old & realize I have to push myself out there to at least try to make friends. I'm not good socially but do want to try. I suffer from anxiety & depression but feel I'm in a good place now with the help of medication for the first time in years.

I can't swim but have always wanted to try watersports like kayaking etc. I went to a bird show last weekend & just felt bad cause I was getting looks from people cause I was the only one on my own.
Im afraid of this continuing so just want some tips maybe....cause I want to enjoy myself for once & just get out there but something is holding me back. I always only see groups of people & I'm the only one on my own

Corb_lund

<SNIP - No need to quote OP in first reply>

Everyone develops in their own time, some when they're younger, some when they're older.

Its good you're pushing yourself out there, it is tough, been there myself new to a country etc. Ireland isn't easy for meeting new people.

To people staring I'd say ignore. They're the sort of people that are always afraid to be by themselves always needing to be on the phone/with people.

Get yourself out there, if you're struggling with confidence, maybe try something as clichéd as toastmasters? Perhaps a group holiday away? If you're religious or anyway inclines perhaps a church group?

Either way good on you for getting old there, it does get easier but it's not easy!

khaldrogo

I do loads of stuff on my own but not to try to make friends! I like my own company. I got to the cinema on my own, bike rides, did an archery class, currently playing airsoft without knowing people. If I wanted to make friends out of these activities I'm sure I could but I personally couldn't care less what people think of me tbh. You shouldnt either.

orthsquel

Don't shy away from going to things you enjoy or doing stuff you want because of what people may think, or looks you might get. They could be admiring your shoes, or thinking how brave you are on your own, when they couldn't go to something on their own. A colleague of mine actually said that to me before, that I'm brave going to stuff alone, and my response was, if I didn't, I'd miss out on going to something I want, or doing something I want to do.

Instead immerse yourself in what you are doing or going to. Enjoy it fully. I go to lots of things alone and I enjoy losing myself in whatever it is. I enjoy too the mystery of who I might meet, but never raise my expectations to meeting people - if it happens, great, but I don't let it be a disappointment to me.

Perhaps you need to try things in baby steps to get yourself more comfortable, and do things just for yourself. Like learning to swim, kayaking, as you mentioned. Do it with the full focus of learning, everyone has to start someone in learning anything new, and enjoy the process.

Rubberchikken

Its great that youve started doing things. Because you're conscious that you're by yourself, i think its only natural that you feel everyone else is in a group/staring at you/etc. Try to relax and look around. Im willing to bet you'll see others by themselves.
Try to take part in things you're interested in. The enthusiasm for something that interestsus always shows and it can be attractive to others.
Good luck

laurenceltic

Thank you for all the support guys 😊. There's a group of ladies who meet up to play gaa training tomorrow evening.
I'm considering going. Think it will be tough for me though. I'm picturing very fit girls there... Maybe it's not ideal for making friends. I don't know.

This is daft but wanted to ask you guys what you think cause I have no one else to chat too.

I seen a guy I really fancy working in Tesco. I've no idea who he is if he's in a relationship or not. I've seen him loads of times over the past few months & we always so hi & smile. I'm thinking I would really like to get to know him now but typically I haven't seen him now in the past few weeks.

Can't really ask staff... I have no experience with the opposite sex so maybe I should just try to forget him but it's rare for me to see someone I fancy so keep thinking about him.

khaldrogo

Next time you say hi just say 'I was wondering if you have a girlfriend?'

Take it from there.

December2012

laurenceltic wrote: »

Thank you for all the support guys 😊. There's a group of ladies who meet up to play gaa training tomorrow evening.
I'm considering going. Think it will be tough for me though. I'm picturing very fit girls there... Maybe it's not ideal for making friends.

I'm sure it will be great. Don't go into it looking to make friends cos that happens over time. It will be a social aspect and should be good craic

Ursus Horribilis

A GAA club sounds like a good way to widen your horizons. What you're looking for is some sort of enjoyable activity which will bring you into contact with the same faces week in, week out. It might be a bit tough the first couple of times you go because there will inevitably be cliques and long-standing friendships amongst the other girls. But if you keep turning up and get chatting to people, you'll start to make friends. Just don't try too hard at the start because that can be off-putting.

laurenceltic

I dont see him at all now
quote="khaldrogo;107829921"]Next time you say hi just say 'I was wondering if you have a girlfriend?'

Take it from there.[/quote]

laurenceltic

Thanks! Think I will try to go tomorrow.
I'd love to think I could chat & hopefully make some friends 😊

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

A GAA club sounds like a good way to widen your horizons. What you're looking for is some sort of enjoyable activity which will bring you into contact with the same faces week in, week out. It might be a bit tough the first couple of times you go because there will inevitably be cliques and long-standing friendships amongst the other girls. But if you keep turning up and get chatting to people, you'll start to make friends. Just don't try too hard at the start because that can be off-putting.

LegacyUser

Meetup dot com have groups to do all kinds of new activities. Well worth a look

Regie93

Find something you like. Then search for related clubs/groups/events. Try to join discussion you're interested in. 
It's OK to feel uncomfortable sometimes, so don't push yourself too hard. If you feel nervous, then take a break. Don't be afraid if you have nothing to say. Listening is a good way of communication too. 

Taking the first step is always the hardest. Sending you hugs :)

Kuva

laurenceltic wrote: »

I went to a bird show last weekend & just felt bad cause I was getting looks from people cause I was the only one on my own.
Im afraid of this continuing so just want some tips maybe

Unless you're outside a school on your own with a bag of gummy bears, this is bull.

You weren't even getting looks, no one gives a sh1t.

freddie1970

Thought the same myself cant imagine why anyone would look at you

Kuva

khaldrogo wrote: »

Next time you say hi just say 'I was wondering if you have a girlfriend?'

Take it from there.

Can you imagine the smile on this feckers face? Lucky git. Unless he's heading to college or the like if he's gone but he left early if so, ask some of the other lads Lauren.

freddie1970 wrote: »

Thought the same myself cant imagine why anyone would look at you

Unless Lauren is a roide.


^^meant in the nicest possible way.


We can't know without some pics.

dudara

@Kuva - please read the PI/RI charter before posting again. Your post is not really at the standard required.

dudara

Kuva

dudara wrote: »

@Kuva - please read the PI/RI charter before posting again. Your post is not really at the standard required.

dudara

Noted, just having a bit of craic d.

dudara

Kuva wrote: »

Noted, just having a bit of craic d.

A bit of humour is fine, just make sure there’s some actual advice in there too please.

Plopsu

Kuva wrote: »

You weren't even getting looks, no one gives a sh1t.

Probably not but the feeling that they were would be part and parcel of being socially awkward.

shesty

Tag rugby, OP. You can sign up as an individual, and will be put with a team. No fitness levels, coordination or understanding required :D Everyone is at different levels of fitness, and it's both sexes and very social. I'd really recommend it.

chuckles30

Hi OP - I'm in my 40s and single, so I know what you mean.  Went through a phase of not doing stuff in my 30's as my friends had gone from being single and going out etc to getting married and  I didn't want to be the person 'on her own that everyone was staring at....or so I thought.  A few years ago, I decided that I needed to stop missing out on things that  I wanted to do, so I started going to things by myself and honestly, no one even notices or maybe they do, but I don't care.  I've even gone on hols the last two years by myself and the most common reaction I get is one of jealousy - as I can  do what I want, when I want without having to consider others.  So my advice is 'go for it'.

laurenceltic

Thanks Shesty I will Google tag rugby

shesty wrote: »

Tag rugby, OP. You can sign up as an individual, and will be put with a team. No fitness levels, coordination or understanding required :D Everyone is at different levels of fitness, and it's both sexes and very social. I'd really recommend it.

laurenceltic

Thanks Kuva, unfortunately my tesco man has disappeared 😂😂 maybe he dosent work there now. Cant really ask anyone i dont know his name 😂
Bet hes married 😪

quote="Kuva;107842718"]Can you imagine the smile on this feckers face? Lucky git. Unless he's heading to college or the like if he's gone but he left early if so, ask some of the other lads Lauren.


Unless Lauren is a roide.


^^meant in the nicest possible way.


We can't know without some pics.[/quote]

laurenceltic

I guess walking into a group situation is probably the toughest for me eg everyone else knows each other & I kinda tense up but think I'm getting a little better.

I'm going back to college soon also & want to make the most of it 😊

In a way I'm excited but very nervous too. I've never went out a night & don't drink so I know everyone else will be out enjoying themselves & I won't know what to do.....suppose I don't feel good enough.

I can never see myself getting all dolled up & looking good