Regular sex frequency

LegacyUser

Hi all

Going anon for this as i need a bit of perspective on this. New relationship approx 8 months now. How often would you think it normal to have sex. We're 15 mins from each other, live very busy lives independently but see each other every weekend and once/ maybe twice during week. Both mid thirties. How often would you think sex frequency should at this stage.
Really need perspective here

khaldrogo

As often as you both want.

If that's the issue then as a broad guide I would say 2/3 times per week for your particular situation

leggo

Yeah it’s totally dependent on your individual sex drives. Some couples would have sex every time they see each other at that stage, some might have it only occasionally. What matters is if your sex drives are compatible and lead to you both being satisfied. If they’re not now they likely never will be, sex drive can vary in a person over periods of time (so stress, depression, anxiety etc can cause it to plummet while ongoing) but generally when times are fine a person’s sex drive is their sex drive and you’re best judging the situation as such. You can’t logic someone into having more sex with you though.

Xterminator

Its not just sex drive, its also availability & quality of time spent together. if your working hard all week you need downtime too. If you mainly meet up at the weekend, and one partner just wants to hit the sack all the time, that is not going to inspire a good relationship. you both have needs, and in a good relationship you would hope the others needs matter too. One sign of a good relationship is being able to talk about these things and let them know whats on your mind. if you are feeling unsatisfied sexually, you should be able to bring it up (Not in bed) and let the other half know and see how they respond. if you are genuine about caring for you, your needs/wants should matter to them too.

'How many times a week/month is normal' is so subjective. I would expect a chance to be intimate every week, even if you don't have sex. I would be more about the effort of taking the time, and tried to meet my partners needs than hitting my monthly target.

ElizaBennett

Everyone's different of course but if you want to do a straw poll of people here, then I would say that at 8 months in you should really be having sex every time you meet, unless there are barrier to that such as others in the house / lack of privacy / illness etc. That's certainly been my experience - especially at that age when I know what I want and am comfortable with my body and sexuality. We're together 4 years now and have sex pretty much every day still - and three times on sunday if no kids about;) But we could be unusual as that's a very important way for us to express our emotion for each other. I was married before and it ended up sexless as I didn't understand the importance of it for my husband and it became a chore for me. Definitely not a chore now! That's the ideal I would think - we just can't wait to do it at every opportunity. I would wish the same for everyone but, as has been said above, as long as you have matching desire levels then there shouldn't be a problem.

LolaJJ

Hey OP,

In a pretty much identical situation in terms of relationship duration and frequency of meeting up. It's so varied. We generally have sex at least once each time we see eachother other, in general we probably average 4 - 6 times a week but there'd be the odd week where we get too drunk or one of us is sick so it doesn't happen as much/at all.

I think we're pretty normal? Whatever that is

woodchuck

I don't think there is such a thing as "normal". You might be able to get statistics on the average number, but it's really down the individuals. The most important thing is that you're sexually compatible with each other, including both parties being happy with the frequency. It sounds like you're not happy?

For whatever it's worth, I'd think once a week would be "normal" (for me) in that situation. Maybe more frequently if you're not too worn out mid-week and staying in for the evening. Honestly though, when people talk about having sex daily, I don't know where they get the time and the energy from. But again, that's just me!!

LegacyUser

Hi OP, as others has said there is no normal really, depends on the couples and individuals involved.


I've been dating a guy about 6 months - similarly we live quite independent lives, we see each other once, sometimes twice a week - we pretty much have sex each time we see each other, unless we go overboard on the booze. Thankfully we seem to be well-matched sex drive-wise - this I think is the most important thing, not frequency but how satisfied you both feel.

KathleenGrant

If you are on boards questioning there is obviously an issue. If there is an issue after a short space of time you would have to think it will get worse. In my experience and from talking to friends lack of sexual satisfaction will chip away at other aspects of the relationship. You said you were trying to get some perspective on it. Do you feel you want too much?

um7y1h83ge06nx

Completely depends on the couple. An ex and I used to live close like that and we used to have sex at every opportunity, particularly at the start, probably used to spend at least 4 nights staying over but it was a thing so to call around to each others houses after a night out for a booty call. Then again we had high sex drives and were in our mid 20s.

But booty calls might be an idea. Even if you're busy you could get him to call over and head right upstairs for a quickie ;-)

amdublin

Aa much or as little as makes you happy.

That you're posting here indicates to me you're not happy with the amount.

Be careful...it can be very difficult to amend this...read again what poster elizabennett said about their marriage, I echo this. If you're not happy and it doesn't resolve quickly and for good get out now... Sorry to be blunt but I really believe this