Is an over affectionate boyfriend normal?

avb00

Hi everyone, this is going to be very long but I really need advice!

In February, a guy began texting me through Instagram who was a year younger than me. He found me through a insta page I set up to help motivate me as I was sitting my Leaving Cert in the months after(basically it's like the way people have fitness/photography pages etc). He was also sitting his exams this year.

I immediately clicked with him and enjoyed talking. We would talk for hours and send long messages. He lived in Cork while I live in Dublin.

Then a few weeks later we spent an incredibly long period of time talking to each other and we got into a situation of intense flirting. Eventually I asked him something and he brought up the topic of having a girlfriend who was living in the US. He hadn't met her but was confident it would work despite her not texting him bakc and from what he told me, I feel she was really trying to brush him off.

I was very upset to hear this as we at that point had grown very close and he really was so caring and demonstrated extreme signs of liking me.

I got over having feelings for him then but we continued talking and I began to like him again.

In May I asked if he would be my debs date and he was delighted but he then told me that he wished we were going as more than friends and that he couldn't wait to meet up in July and that he would never be able to stop hugging me.

I was delighted that he felt that way because I felt the same but he again told me he liked this girl who he rarely talked to from the US as well and couldn't choose between us. I was very broken by this and annoyed for a good while afterwards till we eventually texted a week later.

We rarely texted again until the summer because of the exams coming up so soon. When they had ended, our conversations changed. He stopped texting every day and if he texted me it would simply by hi, wyd, oh etc- very short and snappy almost like he didn't want to text. He grew distant and lacked any sense of emotion taking hours to reply and giving me the seen on messages.

We met up eventually two weeks ago and I was a bit taken back. He couldn't say hi to me at all or talk to me(he told me he has aspergers so I was expecting that and his mam was with us). When his mam went up to buy some food in a restaurant his first words to me were 'when are we going to be alone?'.

His mam left us later on and we went to the cinema. On the bus on our way there he asled to hold my hand and was saying things like this is nice etc. In the cinema he began to be more talkative but when I asked to take a selfie he was like no I'm private like that.

Okay so this is when it really all changed.
We got back to the bnb and it was just us two. He asked to cuddle and we awkwardly kissed at the end of the bed #bothfridgetslol . Then he couldn't stop kissing me and he brought the tongue into it as well and kinda ended up pushing us both back onto the bed. I wasm't expectogm that as before we met he was very hesitant to to rush things if we were to work out and said it would be ages before we would be ready to even kiss. He seemed kinda afraid that I was going to be really experienced. We didn't have sex or anything.

I went home anyways when his mam came back and he texted me saying have fun researching ( wanted me to research sex moves etc as we both didn't know ).

I then got a text from another account that I knew who was also part of the Leaving cert community as she saw my Instagram story in which I mentioned meeting up with him and she told me to beware because he seemed dodgy and had sent her messages a few weeks previous calling her a beauty in response to a picrure she posred of herself and they talked about tv shows and he kinda got very weird texting like he would be saying it her do itttttt go watch some anike do it nowww . I have seen their conversation as she sent me the messages because she was that concerned.

I confronted him about this and he seemed very shocked and didn't intend for his messages to be interpreted to her in that way. He said he was trying to be nice and be a friend.

We hung out in town anyway and went back to where he was ataying and we kissed. I kinda felt he began to get very much into foreplaying and we kind of did sexual moves on the bed for like 5 hours on and off. It felt uncomfortable having him on top of me. I know it's supposed tp be enjoyable but msybe its because I'm so small and weigh so little? We still had clothes on so it wasnt really sex. He became obsessed with french kissing me etc nearly every few minutes.

Then before he headed back to Cork he became very emotional and started crying and looked in my eyes telling me he finds it very difficult to make eye contact with anyone but feels okay with me. We spent 3 hours in Easons on a couch cuddling and making out.

I'm meeting up with him again to stay over in his college accomodation. My questions are is it normal for him to be that affectionate towards me even though we're only 17 and 18 years old and had only etc in real life for the first time?

He also brings up foreplay a lot in texting like I can't wait to kiss and cuddle you again, looking forward to the sex etc .

He has no problem waiting till I feel ready to do it but I don't know if I will ever be ready and our conversations always end up in the topic of our first time. I thought I really liked him but he's way too clingy and I didn't feel a spark when we kissed.

It's just a shock as he was very detatched before we met and then he's suddenly in love with me and would climb Everest for every bone in my body after sesing me in real life.

I don't know what I fesl for him. I enjoy his company but I don't feel pleasure or have thoughts of sex or affection. Literally have no sex drive and his is literally through the roof.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just at a loss as to what to do. I can't fake being a loved up puppy.

Cash_Q

I'm surprised that his mum is accompanying him to meet you but then leaving you for such long periods along in the b&b... you're both quite young and if you aren't comfortable with that level of "affection" as you put it, then certainly don't meet him to stay over in his college accommodation.

5 hours making out with him on top of you and you feeling uncomfortable sounds wrong. How can you know that he won't take things too far if you were to stay over?

Your body is your body, and him being overly aroused or interested is not something you need to satisfy if you are not interested.

If I were you and feeling this level of disinterest, I would cool things off, cancel your plans to meet again, and depending on his reaction, maybe block him online. Don't allow him to emotionally blackmail or manipulate you into doing anything you're not comfortable with.

FurBabyMomma

I'm sorry OP but it sounds like this guy is casting his net around the Internet and trying to catch a girl to have sex.

You've already talked about him pushing you further than what you're comfortable with. You didn't want to go beyond kissing, yet you've ended up pushed onto a bed and doing sexual things you're not comfortable with. Don't be afraid to take ownership of your body and say no. He is escalating his behaviour each time you see him and it sounds like you're heading now in the direction of having sex without you really wanting it. And if he has Aspergers, chances are he's not picking up on your body language that you're uncomfortable - he needs to hear no, and stop. Because I'm sorry to say this, but you could end up with a situation where you feel you have been sexually assaulted and he doesn't realise he's done anything wrong - horrific, but it can easily happen. DO NOT be alone with this boy again, under any circumstances.

And OP, your first time should never make you uncomfortable. When I lost my virginity, it was because I wanted to be with this guy so so much and nothing about it felt wrong. I actually instigated it, not him, and we've never regretted it. Trust your instincts telling you that he is not the one if he is making you uncomfortable, let alone all the social media carry on.

Rachiee

Youre right it is supposed to be enjoyable, this isnt about whats normal or not normal its about what makes you happy.

Its very hard when you are still young and inexperienced to ask for your own needs to be considered and boundaries respected. If you ever dont like something or feel uncomfortable its really important that you say it.

Often times people wont 1. Because they feel embarrassed, 2. Dont want to ruin the moment, 3. Because they feel their own needs arent important/ have some sort of obligation to the other person.
Until you are in a better position to negotiate and until you can trust that the other person is in a position to understand and respect your needs it is best to limit any contact to whats really and truly very enjoyable.

Any foreplay/ sexual contact should be enjoyable for both parties, this is not fun for you, its not turning you on,and its stressing you out. So why do it?

As he has aspergers he may find it difficult to read subtle cues as to when you are uncomfortable etc so even more of a reason why, unless you can be explicit and direct in your needs, not to persue this.

Call it off, and wait and find someone who you have a lot of fun with, who you fancy the hole off and who gives you tingles when you kiss.

Big Bag of Chips

There is no standard "normal" when it comes to relationships and sex. But if you are uncomfortable then that is telling you that what is happening is not right for you. And that is a perfectly normal feeling.

Also, you are not in an exclusive relationship. He has a "gf" in the USA. He is also messaging other girls too. No matter how old you are, or no matter how much, or how little experience you have you are always entitled to say "no", at any point. If something doesn't make you feel happy, or isn't nice or enjoyable you have a right to stop it.

I think because of his Aspergers he is not picking up on subtle reactions from you that another boy might pick up on. So, you need to be direct. You need to voice your concern and tell him to stop that it is not comfortable for you. If you don't think that you would have the confidence to stop him during the act, then make your excuses to not meet up with him.

This isn't a nice relationship for you. And I agree with FurBabyMomma, I think this could very quickly lead to a situation where you feel pressured in to having sex, and regretting it or feeling terrible about it afterwards.

You are a very young girl. There really is no rush to have sex, or to be in an intimate relationship, especially one that doesn't feel right. Despite what everyone would have you believe, everyone your age aren't sexually active. I'd also wonder does he go he and discuss you and what you've been doing with his mum, or with his friends etc. If he isn't aware of boundaries and is a bit socially clueless he might be talking about you without realising it's inappropriate.

To cut a long post short... If you're not happy, and you're not comfortable you absolutely do not have to.continue meeting up, or continue to let things progress. If he cared anything about you, he would understand and fully accept that with no pressure.

woodchuck

I thought I really liked him but he's way too clingy and I didn't feel a spark when we kissed.

This says it all really. I think you should trust your gut and break it off with him.

Faith

(My entire post should be interpreted as SOME not ALL, fyi.)

As the others have mentioned, the ASD is a much bigger part of the story than you’re giving it credit for, I think. Part of being autistic means that you can’t understand what others are thinking and feeling - you can’t put yourself in their shoes easily. When it comes to sex, it can happen that people with autism are only thinking about their own needs and desires and aren’t paying attention to the cues coming from their partner. They can be quite pushy and insistent and this can be hard for their partners to manage, if they don’t feel confident in saying no.

The long and short of it is that you’re not particularly attracted to this guy, you don’t like the way he has been behaving and he makes you feel uncomfortable. My advice is, save yourself a lot of pain and heartache and cut ties with him now, before it gets harder to get out. What you’re experiencing is not typical, and you should never be with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable or pressurized.

Midnight Sundance

OP you are still very young and have a long time to date and meet people ahead of you.
If I could go back in time to my 17 year old self I would love to be able to tell myself to trust my gut . Like others are saying, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.
I’ve done plenty with boys at your age that looking back now, I would never do if I’d had the confidence to say no.
This is completely off topic but kind of related.. I used to be looking for “the one” the person to marry and love and put up with a lot of frogs, people used to say to me that when you meet the right person it won’t be a struggle to spend time with them or have a relationship with them. There were many guys who I thought might have been the one but I was always putting up with things I didn’t feel comfortable because I thought they were the one.
I met my now husband and everything People said to me suddenly made sense. It’s never been a struggle, on paper he’s not “what I was looking for” but from day one it was so right.

Basically if your friendship with this guy is such a struggle already then maybe put some dampeners on it until you know yourself more . Maybe in time you’ll realise he is someone for you or I suspect he may become someone you liked and that is it.

You have the world at your feet right now. Don’t ever let other people put you into situations that you are not comfortable with.

Ursus Horribilis

To be honest, I think your gut is screaming at you. You just don't know it. I hate to sound like a patronising adult here but you are very young and haven't yet got the experience and tools to deal with someone like this lad. He sounds like trouble and if you were my daughter I'd be concerned if I read all of this.

I'm not seeing very many ingredients here for a healthy relationship. He sounds like a difficult individual and someone who'll wreck your head. I've friends who've wasted months and even years on fellas who blew hot and cold. Were odd and then not odd. As a word of advice here, don't ever allow yourself to be reeled in by enigmatic sorts. It doesn't end well.

Besides, you don't fancy him. Maybe you've been trying to convince yourself that you do or will because he's your boyfriend. The way you describe your encounters with him are about as erotic as cold porridge.

I'd also be a bit worried about what might happen to you if you go stay with him. Are you sure he's the sort who'll stop if you feel you're going too far and you don't feel ready to have sex?

I think you'd better off ending this and waiting until you meet a nicer, more normal fella. Someone who'll be your best friend as well as a guy you fancy the pants off. You're so young still. Don't waste your time on jokers like this lad.

power pants

How was the mum? She chaperoned him to Dublin only to leave you two alone in a bnb?

So she doesn’t trust him to travel on his own but trusts him to be left alone with a girl

I would stay clear, seems like he just wants sex from whoever

LLMMLL

There’s a lot of red flags in your post OP, but the first and clear one is his “girlfriend” in the US while pursuing you.

Even if everything else was good this would still be a massive dealbreaker.

You don’t need to accept this kind of behaviour. You don’t need to try and change him. You don’t need to wait around hoping to be picked.

You can end things with him. You have that option.

avb00

Cash_Q wrote: »

I'm surprised that his mum is accompanying him to meet you but then leaving you for such long periods along in the b&b... you're both quite young and if you aren't comfortable with that level of "affection" as you put it, then certainly don't meet him to stay over in his college accommodation.


Yes. Him and his mam were staying in a bnb and on the first night after we came back there after town she went to get groceries in the tescos across the road but she was gone a good 30 minutes which I found odd.

When he told his mam about us he said she was fine with it. His mam rarely made any effort to communicate with me unless I started a conversation. She didn't even say bye at the train station when him and her were leaving to return to Cork.

His mam is smaller than and appeared to be on medication and she had some in her room and
Her hands were shaking.

avb00

Rachiee wrote: »

Youre right it is supposed to be enjoyable, this isnt about whats normal or not normal its about what makes you happy.

Its very hard when you are still young and inexperienced to ask for your own needs to be considered and boundaries respected. If you ever dont like something or feel uncomfortable its really important that you say it.

Often times people wont 1. Because they feel embarrassed, 2. Dont want to ruin the moment, 3. Because they feel their own needs arent important/ have some sort of obligation to the other person.
Until you are in a better position to negotiate and until you can trust that the other person is in a position to understand and respect your needs it is best to limit any contact to whats really and truly very enjoyable.

Any foreplay/ sexual contact should be enjoyable for both parties, this is not fun for you, its not turning you on,and its stressing you out. So why do it?

As he has aspergers he may find it difficult to read subtle cues as to when you are uncomfortable etc so even more of a reason why, unless you can be explicit and direct in your needs, not to persue this.

Call it off, and wait and find someone who you have a lot of fun with, who you fancy the hole off and who gives you tingles when you kiss.

I kind of feel he doesn't have aspergers because he was very well able to talk away to me on our own and I thought people with it don't like physical affection . He doesn't have any specific hobby either that he loves and that is a clear sign of it. He just is shy in public.

avb00

Cash_Q wrote: »

I'm surprised that his mum is accompanying him to meet you but then leaving you for such long periods along in the b&b... you're both quite young and if you aren't comfortable with that level of "affection" as you put it, then certainly don't meet him to stay over in his college accommodation.

5 hours making out with him on top of you and you feeling uncomfortable sounds wrong. How can you know that he won't take things too far if you were to stay over?

Your body is your body, and him being overly aroused or interested is not something you need to satisfy if you are not interested.

If I were you and feeling this level of disinterest, I would cool things off, cancel your plans to meet again, and depending on his reaction, maybe block him online. Don't allow him to emotionally blackmail or manipulate you into doing anything you're not comfortable with.

Yes. Him and his mam were staying in a bnb and on the first night after we came back there after town she went to get groceries in the tescos across the road but she was gone a good 30 minutes which I found odd.

When he told his mam about us he said she was fine with it. His mam rarely made any effort to communicate with me unless I started a conversation. She didn't even say bye at the train station when him and her were leaving to return to Cork.

His mam is smaller than and appeared to be on medication and she had some in her room and
Her hands were shaking.

avb00

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

There is no standard "normal" when it comes to relationships and sex. But if you are uncomfortable then that is telling you that what is happening is not right for you. And that is a perfectly normal feeling.

Also, you are not in an exclusive relationship. He has a "gf" in the USA. He is also messaging other girls too. No matter how old you are, or no matter how much, or how little experience you have you are always entitled to say "no", at any point. If something doesn't make you feel happy, or isn't nice or enjoyable you have a right to stop it.

I think because of his Aspergers he is not picking up on subtle reactions from you that another boy might pick up on. So, you need to be direct. You need to voice your concern and tell him to stop that it is not comfortable for you. If you don't think that you would have the confidence to stop him during the act, then make your excuses to not meet up with him.

This isn't a nice relationship for you. And I agree with FurBabyMomma, I think this could very quickly lead to a situation where you feel pressured in to having sex, and regretting it or feeling terrible about it afterwards.

You are a very young girl. There really is no rush to have sex, or to be in an intimate relationship, especially one that doesn't feel right. Despite what everyone would have you believe, everyone your age aren't sexually active. I'd also wonder does he go he and discuss you and what you've been doing with his mum, or with his friends etc. If he isn't aware of boundaries and is a bit socially clueless he might be talking about you without realising it's inappropriate.

To cut a long post short... If you're not happy, and you're not comfortable you absolutely do not have to.continue meeting up, or continue to let things progress. If he cared anything about you, he would understand and fully accept that with no pressure.

Sorry I forgot to mention he broke it off with the girl in the US back in April as it was going nowhere. Sorry I should've mentioned mentioned that initially!

He's not an aggressive person if I told him no he wouldn't attack me or anything. He is fine waiting but in our messages he always says I can't wait to cuddle you and kiss you again and I told him I would have to go back a day earlier from Cork and he said we'l have to redistribute pur cuddles and kisses over the remaining others days

Caranica

Wasting your time with someone you're not attracted to and who's pushy in this way is just that, a waste of your time. The world is your oyster OP, be intimate with someone you really want to be intimate with and someone you connect with, who reads your signals. Run, don't walk, away from this guy while you can.

avb00

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

OP you are still very young and have a long time to date and meet people ahead of you.
If I could go back in time to my 17 year old self I would love to be able to tell myself to trust my gut . Like others are saying, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.
I’ve done plenty with boys at your age that looking back now, I would never do if I’d had the confidence to say no.
This is completely off topic but kind of related.. I used to be looking for “the one” the person to marry and love and put up with a lot of frogs, people used to say to me that when you meet the right person it won’t be a struggle to spend time with them or have a relationship with them. There were many guys who I thought might have been the one but I was always putting up with things I didn’t feel comfortable because I thought they were the one.
I met my now husband and everything People said to me suddenly made sense. It’s never been a struggle, on paper he’s not “what I was looking for” but from day one it was so right.

Basically if your friendship with this guy is such a struggle already then maybe put some dampeners on it until you know yourself more . Maybe in time you’ll realise he is someone for you or I suspect he may become someone you liked and that is it.

You have the world at your feet right now. Don’t ever let other people put you into situations that you are not comfortable with.

Yep I relate to you completely! Half of me want s to end it and half of me doesn't! I find myself between two cliffs, I feel like I'm attracted to his personality and the fact he texts me a lot as opposed to having sex and shifting each other. He is the opposite. I supppse i love his company and him as a bro or bestie and am afraid to lose him in that way because I know I will if I end it because he will be very hurt. He doesnt have any friends or any in real life because he can't connect with people due to being so socially inept.

I know I gave a lot of people the impression of him being a player but he was a fridget till he met me and so was I. I don't think he would be physically capable of cheating in real life but he is quite over friendly online to others.

I'm an extremely shy person so I suppose I feel like i'll never meet someone who cares as much again even though he is too affectionate.

LLMMLL

Can you say what you like about him? What makes him special to you?

Ursus Horribilis

Is he your first boyfriend?

FurBabyMomma

avb00 wrote: »

I kind of feel he doesn't have aspergers because he was very well able to talk away to me on our own and I thought people with it don't like physical affection . He doesn't have any specific hobby either that he loves and that is a clear sign of it.He just is shy in public.

You are absolutely in no way qualified to decide if he does or doesn't have Aspergers. No one person ticks off all the boxes on some autism checklist as autism occurs on a spectrum. So some people with autism will feel comfortable with displays of affection in private, while others won't. While we can make some generalisations about behaviour, it can vary from person to person, as every person with autism is an individual, like us all. I would take the fact he has told you he has Aspergers and the fact that he needed his mother to travel with him at face value.

You also say that he's 'not aggressive'. As you've already found out, and will realise more and more with experience, people don't necessarily need to use aggression or violence to get you to do something you are uncomfortable with, so don't fall into the trap of making excuses for behaviour that is not OK. You don't even fancy him, so why would you put yourself in the position of getting physical with him anyway?

I know your feelings are a bit mixed up right now, which is why you came here for advice. If you look at the advice from people who have been there, done that, you can see that not one person is advising you to stay in this situation. The best advice I could give you right now is to listen.

Ursus Horribilis

avb00 wrote: »

I'm an extremely shy person so I suppose I feel like i'll never meet someone who cares as much again.

I was waiting for you to say something like this. I bet you've struggled until now with the opposite sex as well..

For what it's worth, I think you're seeing him for all the wrong reasons. That lack of self-esteem and your belief that you'll never meet another fella being very high up that list. There are red flags all over this thread and I think you know it. It's just hard to see them when you're conflicted and confused.

It's not your job to save this guy or to help him. If he's socially inept and has no friends, you are going to find it very draining being with him. You're running the risk of scuppering your own chances of making new friends and developing your own social outlets because of this guy.

Seeing as you mentioned the Leaving Cert, I assume you're waiting for the CAO places to come out and that you'll find out where you're going next. As someone who was very shy in school, I can say hand on heart that going to university was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I made new friends, had some fun times with the opposite sex (:D) and graduated as a more confident, outgoing person than the callow kid who'd started there 3 years earlier. You really don't need to have an impediment like this guy hanging round your neck during some of the most important years of your life. He'll be fine without you and don't let him guilt you into thinking otherwise.

Oh, and it's likely that your sex drive is zero because you know deep down that getting intimate with this guy is the wrong thing to do. Listen to your gut. It's rarely wrong.

avb00

LLMMLL wrote: »

Can you say what you like about him? What makes him special to you?

He's everything I'd look for in a guy:

-He's smart
-He's kind
-He's funny
-Shows interest in what I have to say
-Always compliments me
-Hasn't an angry bone in his body
-He's shy and an only child so we relate well
-He's very intelligent
-He isn't mega popular and would only have a few close friends like me
-He's a different skin tone idk why but I've always liked people with darker skin tones. He is Irish but his dad was from Africa or something


I've always pictured somebody that I've wanted to date and he is that person but I have trust issues because he is a bit of a puppy when it comes to love and he is all over you like one as well. Maybe it's normal to have that much of a drive of affection and I have a problem? I suffer from anxiety so maybe that's why I feel nothing?

I know a lot of people are telling me to get out of it asap and i respect that. I know a lot of other people my age are sleeping with their boyfriends and have been since they were a lot younger.

avb00

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Is he your first boyfriend?

Yes he is . Never ever been in a relationship before as I'm very shy and don't go clubbing etc or have a huge circle of friends(also quite small and yeah not a sexy pretty gal either)

avb00

He's just after messaging me after not being in contact for two days since the LC results asking me :
On a scale of 1-10 how fab am I ? And by I he means me not him .


The fab thing is a sort of relationship banter thingy like a nickname idk


He thinks I'm so fab like honestly I am not that good looking at all tbh

Rachiee

Sometimes people are perfect on paper, they tick all your boxes but you just dont feel "it".

He is available, he's nice, you feel like he's the only option and you want to experience what its like to have a boyfriend, which I totally get because Ive been there...but part of the fun of having a boyfriend, is being with someone who you not only have loads of fun with and respect but also fancy in a way that makes you very excited. you may like him for all the reasons you listed in your last post...But you dont enjoy his company or fancy him.
staying with him will just delay you from meeting someone you actually do like, you are far too young to be settling for someone you dont really like.

Contessa Raven

avb00 wrote: »

I find myself between two cliffs, I feel like I'm attracted to his personality and the fact he texts me a lot as opposed to having sex and shifting each other.

To me, it seems like you enjoy his attention. He listens to you and he texts you a lot. Are those good enough reasons to be with somebody?

In my experience, when there is a new relationship and you really like the person, it is natural to want to connect with them whether that be emotionally, physically, mentally or whatever. Touch is a part of that. Holding hands, eye contact, kissing, etc. The fact you feel that this is too much for you indicates to me that you aren't into him in the same way he is into you. If you liked him, truly, you'd probably feel less uncomfortable about it.

I think he wants more than you do. Maybe he just wants sex, maybe he wants a relationship. Either way, I don't think you sound into it so you should consider ending this flirtation.

TheBoyConor

Op u need to cut him off in a gentle but firm way.

You need to realise that he has Asperger's which is basically meaning that he is mildly autistic..
I know this might be unpopular to say but the reality is that he has a mental disability and to be frank about it, it's not really possible to have a normal healthy relationship with someone like that.

He most likely doesn't know that he is breaking boundaries with your body and doesn't get that what he is doing is not ok because people who suffer from ASDs don't understand body language, social cues or non verbal communication. Their social and emotional intelligence is very low and they really struggle badly with things like communication. It just isn't in them.

It sounds like his mother also has some sort of mental or physical disabilities from what you describe.

You need to cut him loose sooner rather than later because of he gets more attached be could get obsessive and potentially violent when you try to leave our say no to something.

The best and right thing you can do here is tell him you must part ways and then block him and also let his carer /mother know so that they can help him understand.

At the end of the day op you should be out having fun with your friends and boys who are peers and not be getting romantically involved with boys that have special needs. It's not right.

December2012

It is entirely possible that you can like many things about a person while also not liking many parts of the relationship. But at this stage, your instincts are correct to you and if you feel uncomfortable then there's nothing you can do.

You are too young and uncomfortable to be alone with any boy. Trust your instincts and keep yourself safe.

SeaBreezes

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Op u need to cut him off in a gentle but firm way.

You need to realise that he has Asperger's which is basically meaning that he is mildly autistic..
I know this might be unpopular to say but the reality is that he has a mental disability and to be frank about it, it's not really possible to have a normal healthy relationship with someone like that.

He most likely doesn't know that he is breaking boundaries with your body and doesn't get that what he is doing is not ok because people who suffer from ASDs don't understand body language, social cues or non verbal communication. Their social and emotional intelligence is very low and they really struggle badly with things like communication. It just isn't in them.

It sounds like his mother also has some sort of mental or physical disabilities from what you describe.

You need to cut him loose sooner rather than later because of he gets more attached be could get obsessive and potentially violent when you try to leave our say no to something.

The best and right thing you can do here is tell him you must part ways and then block him and also let his carer /mother know so that they can help him understand.

At the end of the day op you should be out having fun with your friends and boys who are peers and not be getting romantically involved with boys that have special needs. It's not right.

First, do you actually KNOW anyone with aspergers because your negative generalisations are awful and incorrect. In fact from my direct experience I would say the opposite. This poster met a nice young man online who has aspergers. He fell in love and is obsessed with her. She's flattered with the attention but not physically attracted to him. He is very attracted to her and shows it. She's worried because she doesn't feel the same but unwilling to tell him because she likes that he likes her. He has been nothing but gentle to her.

And how on earth is someone with aspergers being in a relationship not right? What??? Tell that to Cynthia Nixon, or Einstein. Are you for real??


That said OP I think your not being fair to him. Your not sure, you don't feel it. Be honest and tell him you prefer friends.

SeaBreezes

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Op u need to cut him off in a gentle but firm way.

You need to realise that he has Asperger's which is basically meaning that he is mildly autistic..
I know this might be unpopular to say but the reality is that he has a mental disability and to be frank about it, it's not really possible to have a normal healthy relationship with someone like that.

He most likely doesn't know that he is breaking boundaries with your body and doesn't get that what he is doing is not ok because people who suffer from ASDs don't understand body language, social cues or non verbal communication. Their social and emotional intelligence is very low and they really struggle badly with things like communication. It just isn't in them.

It sounds like his mother also has some sort of mental or physical disabilities from what you describe.

You need to cut him loose sooner rather than later because of he gets more attached be could get obsessive and potentially violent when you try to leave our say no to something.

The best and right thing you can do here is tell him you must part ways and then block him and also let his carer /mother know so that they can help him understand.

At the end of the day op you should be out having fun with your friends and boys who are peers and not be getting romantically involved with boys that have special needs. It's not right.

First, do you actually KNOW anyone with aspergers because your negative generalisations are awful and incorrect. In fact from my direct experience I would say the opposite. This poster met a nice young man online who has aspergers. He fell in love and is obsessed with her. She's flattered with the attention but not physically attracted to him. He is very attracted to her and shows it. She's worried because she doesn't feel the same but unwilling to tell him because she likes that he likes her. He has been nothing but gentle to her.

And how on earth is someone with aspergers being in a relationship not right? What??? Tell that to Cynthia Nixon, or Einstein. Are you for real??


That said OP I think your not being fair to him. Your not sure, you don't feel it. Be honest and tell him you prefer friends.

Neyite

Mod:


The Boy Conor, please refrain from diagnosing online. Also it's clear that you know only stereotypical assumptions of autism traits and are extrapolating incorrectly on the person's medical condition and presenting it as fact when in fact there is a very broad spectrum of autism.



We give relationship advice here. Stick to that please.