Depressed again

LegacyUser

Hi just looking for advice. Im in my early 30's, since I was a kid I suffered from depression and insomnia, as an adult I realise the cause of that was a result of being bullied in school and a very dysfunctional home life. In my twenties I became very depressed and anxious which led to agoraphobia, I had no support around me and my mental state pushed everybody away.
I found counseling useless, the therapists didnt really get what I was going through and I dont think they really knew how to help me and GP's only prescribed pills which didnt help either.
Late 20's/early 30's I started to work on myself, I researched psychology and began to try to put things into perspective and understand my own head a little bit better. This really helped and my confidence and self esteem did improve allot. My relationships with family members improved too.
The thing is lately I can feel myself slipping back, ive been really trying to keep my head healthy, keeping my home clean and tidy, eating right, exercising and getting out of the house but its not enough and im beginning to struggle. The first thing to go was my sleep, ive had terrible insomnia for the past month, I then lose motivation and then I struggle to get out of bed. I can feel the anxiety coming back and its effecting my relationships again. Ive gone to doctors about this over the years and brought it up in counseling but theyve only suggested I take herbal sleeping tablets or lavender drops. This doesnt work.
What really effects my mental health is I dont have any close friends, ive never found it easy to make friends despite being optimistic, a good listener, friendly and considerate its rarely reciprocated and I never seem to be able to create a strong bond with anyone. Its lonely and it makes me feel worse.
Just wondering if anyone has advice as im feeling hopeless.
Thanks

milli milli

Hi OP, I know how you are feeling. Have you ever gone to a Depression support group? Have a look on the Aware website.

I find that some GPs don’t really understand mental health problems (from my experience anyway) or are uncomfortable discussing these kind of things. Again this is my own experience, and not reflective of general practice.
I think there’s a reason people are referred to counselors and other social workers.

Not having many friends can lead to loneliness and isolation and is detrimental to your mental health (if the isolation is something you don’t want).
It’s good to be self-reliant but we all need connections.
Do you have family that you’re in contact with?
Check out the support group and when you’re feeling stronger, look into expanding your social circle (meetup groups, new hobbies, new classes, volunteering, etc).

Edit - I just read over your post again and sometimes we have to find a counsellor/therapist that works for us. Not all are the same and some use different methods. Would you be able to try other therapists?
Not being able to make friends easily is probably coming from the bullying & dysfunctional home life. Maybe that needs to be explored - you may be coming off too needy and are unintentionally pushing people away? Just a thought, I might be wrong, but might be worth looking into.
Best of luck

Bobtheman

Exercise-real exercise like running will help the sleep.
Meditation for the depression plus Anthony De mellos Awareness or any book on Cognitive therapy.

Relax your feet in hot water before you go to bed
Get up an hour earlier everyday-it eventually makes you pretty tired. Go to bed several times
But run-run and Trust me you will feel better