Wedding abroad - what to do

LegacyUser

My first cousin's daughter is getting married in Portugal next August - I've just received a 'save the date'. They all live in England. I see my cousin once every couple of years and I've seen her daughter maybe twice in the last 12 years. I was surprised to get this invitation, to be honest. It really doesn't suit me to go, so should I feel guilty for declining?

ncmc

A cousins daughters wedding? I wouldn’t go if it was down the road! No way I’d go to the expense and hassle of going abroad for such a distant relations wedding. Just wait til the invitation proper comes and send a message back saying thanks for the kind invitation but you have prior arrangements. If you see the cousin as seldomly as you say, you don’t even have to come up with an excuse as she’s not likely to know if you have plans or not.

Addle

No, absolutely no reason to feel bad.
And no excuse required.
I'd rsvp now though, whether they've asked for a reply or not.
Thanks, but no thanks.

bee06

Absolutely no reason to feel guilty!

homerjay2005

wedding-guest wrote: »

My first cousin's daughter is getting married in Portugal next August - I've just received a 'save the date'. They all live in England. I see my cousin once every couple of years and I've seen her daughter maybe twice in the last 12 years. I was surprised to get this invitation, to be honest. It really doesn't suit me to go, so should I feel guilty for declining?

any particular reason you dont want to go?

should you feel guilty? absolutely not. but maybe its a chance to have a nice holiday for yourself.

Ursus Horribilis

My guess is they sent the invitation out of politeness, not really expecting you to go. It wouldn't surprise me if they sent out Save the Dates to other family members they hardly ever see either. You've got nothing to feel guilty about. Especially when you say it really doesn't suit you to go.

Toots

It's a save the date, not a full invite. If you're talking to your cousin before the actual invitation comes out, mention that you don't think you'll be able to make it. You don't have to "officially" decline until the invitation comes. TBH I wouldn't feel bad, with weddings abroad the decline rate can often be quite high, and most couples are aware of this when they decide on a destination wedding.

SozBbz

I think with weddings abroad the decline rate is usually quite high and couples know this before they go ahead. It sounds to me like this is a politeness invite, so once you decline politely I don't see a problem. Don't bother justifying yourself or making excuses, just say no.
Also - think it it this way, if they were getting married in the UK would you go? There'd be travel involved either way, but from what you've described your relationship/interactions with these people is infrequent anyway, so possibly you wouldn't go. Does it really matter that its in Portugal? Going to a wedding anywhere is a big commitment, so would you go anyway based on the strength of the relationship?

Addle

Or maybe they just like you OP!

Personally, I'd save them the cost of an invite and stamp and let them know I won't go.

beertons

No thanks. I lost my passport. I'm playing golf that day.

woodchuck

No, you shouldn't feel guilty for declining.

No need to say anything until the official invite comes though. At that time, simply decline the invitation - no reason needed. As others have said, there is usually a high drop out rate for destination weddings anyway. It would be nice to send a card in the post though and maybe give a small present if you feel so inclined.

Senature

It's possible they are hoping a lot of people decline the invitation, lots of invites get sent out of politeness or feelings of obligation. (No offence meant OP)
It could be nice to send a card by mail now, saying you were very touched to receive the save the date, you won't be able to make the wedding but you wish them all the best both for the wedding and their life together. That way your worries about feeling bad for how to decline the invite should be over, and it helps the bride and groom with planning the event.

Emme

No need to go but send the couple a card wishing them well.

Paddy Cow

As other poster's have said, it's probably a "politically correct" invite, where they expect you to decline but at the same time they don't have to feel bad later for not inviting you

When the real invite comes, just send back the rsvp declining and if you are talking to your cousin, wish her the best on her daughter's marriage.

LegacyUser

My cousin got married abroad and really struggled with invites as he knew several not close family members couldn't afford to come and didn't want to put them under pressure but he also didn't want to cause a family rift by not inviting them. He rolled the dice and sent invites to all of them and they politely declined and everyone was happy. Most likely OP you'd cause more issue accepting the invite then declining it.

BuboBubo

When you get the invitation, if you still don't want to go, reply with a card - write something like:

"Congratulations to you both on your wedding, sorry I won't be there to enjoy your day, best wishes for the future, (sign your name)."

That's telling them politely you won't be there, and no hard feelings. No need for any guilt.

pwurple

Invites are not summons. Go or don't go, whatever suits you. Just respond politely and you're done.

chuckles30

As others have said, nothing at all to feel guilty about.  If my cousins child was getting married in this country, I more than likely wouldn't be going - only ever meet at weddings and funerals & tbh, it's too much expense for a day that you're only going to to be polite

The_Conductor

It really depends- I'll take the contrarion position here.
If it wasn't too awkward or expensive- I'd be inclined to attend.
Flights to Portugal aren't expensive.

The biggest issue I'd have is August in Portugal.
I've been at weddings in August in Portugal- in 40-41-42 degrees heat.
It is stiffling.
As for this year- you had record equaling 44-45 degrees.

August in Portugal- is not for the faint hearted..........