Organising a Get Together Issue...

LegacyUser

Myself and OH are organising a get together soon with close friends... my issue has a problem with a female friend of mine who I've known for donkeys years but rarely see but chat to the odd time. Started off minor due to some photos from years ago and thinking we had something (but never did) but my OH took everything to heart and is to stubborn to resolve even years later.

How do you go about something like this and fixing it to avoid further issues? She should be invited but by OH not having it at all...

PawneeRanger

Sorry, your post isn't very clear.

Your OH has a problem with this friend and doesn't want her invited...is that correct?
I can't make out what the actual issue is between them so can't advise on that. Is it that she thought you and this friend were seeing each other?

Regardless, you said in your first line that this is a get together for close friends. Why would you be inviting this girl if you rarely see or speak to her?

And why would you want to invite her if you know that your partner would be unhappy with her being there?
If this was someone in your close circle of friends then yeah, I can see how that would be an issue, but it seems like not inviting this person isn't going to damage your friendship. It could damage your relationship with your other half though...

LegacyUser

I'd still see her as a "close" friend as such even if we don't see each other. We grew up together and essentially like close siblings.

Say this time around I don't invite her... other things will crop up where she will need to be invited. Thought it would be best in trying to resolve their concerns of my gf.

nthclare

If your other half's gut feeling is good enough for her it most certainly should be good enough for you...

My last fling was with a madam who glorifies having married male friends and how their wife's are jealous of her....

An absolute train wreck....

Let it go op respect your other half, she'll be still there while madam is off playing damsel in distress...

Mind your woman....sounds like she loves you

Hannibal_Smith

I don't see why you should have to let go of a life long friend because of your girlfriend's insecurities? Where's the trust and respect for you? Her 'gut' feeling is incorrect and based on nothing but her own imagination right?

You can't lose good friends because of a girl/boyfriend.

PawneeRanger

StubbornGF wrote: »

I'd still see her as a "close" friend as such even if we don't see each other. We grew up together and essentially like close siblings.

Say this time around I don't invite her... other things will crop up where she will need to be invited. Thought it would be best in trying to resolve their concerns of my gf.

You're right to try to resolve it as I definitely wouldn't advise anyone to lose a friend due to a jealous partner if there is genuinely no cause for her concern.

That being said, I think the context of the get-together matters and this might not be the time to try to sort it.

What is the reason for the get-together? Are you and your girlfriend celebrating something?
How long are you together?

If this is a celebration of both of you I would perhaps err on the side of caution and not invite this person BUT I would also be very clear that you won't be removing this person from your life and that it needs to be resolved.

Would there be time before the event to try to resolve it, as I really think inviting your friend without some sort of clearing of the air would be a bad idea and would cause problems at the event? I'm sure you don't want either your friend or your girlfriend to be uncomfortable on the night.

Big Bag of Chips

Does your friend even know that your gf has an issue with her?

LegacyUser

Thanks all.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Does your friend even know that your gf has an issue with her?

She would have a few years ago... I'd imagine she would have imagined it would have been let go at this stage.