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Unsure about my future and my health

  • 10-08-2018 1:48pm
    #1
    5tuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 65 ✭✭


    Hello everyone.

    I've been ill for a little while now, and up until recently was looking forward to going back to College, as I thought I could avail of some financial support to take some pressure off of me whilst doing so. However, as it turns out, I don't appear to be eligible for this. This has gotten me down recently, and has made me feel more ill. However, my doctor no longer believes I am doing very badly and will not certify me as sick any longer.
    So right now, I'm currently looking at moving to the other side of the country for College, to find a new place to live and a job. I haven't worked a normal job in a really long time so I'm fairly worried about how I'll manage to get employed with some big gaps on my cv. All the while doing this I'm going to be trying to study at the same time.
    I'm really dreading everything now, any excitement I had about my future has drained away and I'm very pessimistic and negative about what potential lies ahead for me. I can envision myself failing at trying to create this new life of trying to work 40-60 hours a week, when right now I'm averaging about 20 at best. What I find especially difficult is that my studies are no longer my main priority, that paying for my bed and board will be of a greater importance.

    Any opinions or advice would be appreciated. There's a part of me that has that "get yourself together" mentality about this, that I can do it. However, the last time I did that in my life it didn't turn out very well. Maybe I'm just looking for an easy way out, either way, I could do with some insight as to how I should try and proceed here.


Comments

  • #2
    RoebuckWilson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 118 ✭✭RoebuckWilson


    I think taking things one step at a time would be a good idea. When everything feels against you, it's the magnitude of the whole lot that is overwhelming. Each little piece can be tackled.

    I don't know a lot about sick cert issues, but perhaps another chat with your GP might be an idea. Or talking to the department who looks after those claims. I don't know enough to guide you there.

    If college is something you want to do, go for it. But you definitely ought to be in the right head space for it. Working 40 hours plus and studying is difficult. I worked throughout my degree but never more than 20 hours. In my final year, I took several weeks off on several occasions for exams and key times. So you need to consider a setup that allows similarly.

    So in terms of options, are you living with family now? Could you perhaps commute for college? I did this, and it made a difference for me. You actually can get lots done on the train/bus. Would you consider deferring your place for a year? In the meantime work away and get used to heavier working hours. You might be able to save up a little to support reduced hours when you do go to college.

    Bottom line, if going to college was a passion. Don't let it pass you because of temporary issues. I struggled at times but it was worth it.


  • #3
    5tuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 65 ✭✭5tuck


    I don't know how much passion I have anymore. Maybe I don't have any and should just get a job and shut up like everybody else. Doesn't half feel bad though. The more I think about this the more incorrect it seems, I just feel backed into a corner now with now options. My personal life is ****e so I don't have much foundation to build upon. I've been thinking a lot more about death and dying lately, like nothing I can do is capable of turning my life around, and that it's too late to better myself. I don't know how to take one step at a time because every step feels monumental, and often like I'm burying myself in meaninglessness and further wretchedness.

    Tomorrow I'm supposed to travel about 15 hours and spend 100 euro to take a room that's 5 miles from my college. When I write that down that feels like a pretty big step and not an exciting one. I feel like there's nothing but doom and gloom ahead, I'm sure plenty of people go through what I'm going through, and they just get on with it. I don't know why I can't just do that instead of writing here and whining. I can't help but feel like I'm going to be really bitter and resentful for a long time because I didn't get things the way I wanted this year, and I'm already suffering from mental health issues.


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