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binge is back

  • 07-08-2018 11:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I have struggled with binge eating for my whole life. There are complex issues behind it including a difficult childhood, weight bullying, food scarcity, etc. I think of it as a form of self harm related to shame.

    I finally got a handle on this a few months ago, after I was dumped for the first time by a short term boyfriend who I did not see anything serious with. Binging just switched off for me as a coping strategy. I could really see the impact of this self destructive behaviour on my life. I am mid 30s so it feels like crunch time in terms of meeting someone and starting a family, which is important to me.

    I started running also which I really enjoyed. It definitely helped me feel better about my body. This has fallen by the wayside through sheer laziness. I have lost weight which people have been really vocal about. This has been positive overall but feels somewhat difficult too...probably 90% of my friends are a size 8-10, so I always felt like the odd one out being a few sizes bigger. I am not massively far off my ideal weight now but still struggle with body image issues.

    I recently had an amazing intense first date with an incredible man. As we are both away for the summer the next date is pencilled in for September. I am at home on holiday now, out of routine, not exercising, with my family which can be challenging, etc. Problem is that I have been binging massively since I met him a couple of weeks ago and can feel the weight piling back on, quickly. Obviously I want to stop this.

    I am struggling with this self destructive streak, and feeling like this guy is out of my league. It is like I know the weight/binging is holding me back from where I want my life to go but that almost makes it more difficult to stop? Any words of advice would be welcome. Sorry for the epic post but writing it down has been really helpful.


Comments

  • #2
    SozBbz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    Ive been known to binge a bit in the past, and while I never used to think about it as emotional eating it clearly was.

    I used to think emotional eating = eating when you're sad/down etc, but actually when you think about it as eating anytime you're feeling any emotion acutely (sadness but also happiness, anxiety, joy, fear) then I'm definitely fit the part. I eat whenever I'm feeling a lot.

    Also, I eat when I'm out of routine that my eating choices go down hill. I actually rejoined slimming world last night as its the only thing I've ever had real success on. I lost 2.5 stone on it last year but I'd had a fair bit of change in my life over the past few months and was on leave for 2 months etc and had found myself starting to gain it back so I've joined again for the structure, routine and accountability.

    Do you think SW or something else that would give you a better routine might help?


  • #3
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    You lost the weight, met someone you really like as a result and now you are going to throw it all away because you are "lazy". You need to kop on to yourself OP or you will be miserable. Sorry to be blunt but as you say yourself, time is VERY quickly running out. You need to stop eating crap, exercise twice as hard in preperation for your next date. Next time you meet him, look even more stunning and feel even more confident.


  • #4
    SozBbz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    You lost the weight, met someone you really like as a result and now you are going to throw it all away because you are "lazy". You need to kop on to yourself OP or you will be miserable. Sorry to be blunt but as you say yourself, time is VERY quickly running out. You need to stop eating crap, exercise twice as hard in preperation for your next date. Next time you meet him, look even more stunning and feel even more confident.

    I'd caution against putting to much pressure on this OP. You had one date, albeit a great date, but a lot of time will have passed before your next one and theres no guarantee its going to go as well. Sometimes these things just fizzle.

    I think in the interim you shouldn't be closing yourself off to other possibilities, for all you know he's been dating other people this summer.

    Time is indeed ticking, but don't panic. Keep your health and weight under control for your own sake and don't put all your eggs in one basket.


  • #5
    strawberrie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 180 ✭✭strawberrie


    Do you know what, am just going to say fair play. You've reached a place where you are aware of your binging and your triggers and you know that you have control and the power to make a change when you want to.
    Living most of your life at a higher weight meant that naturally you felt different, unsure and maybe even apprehensive when your weight dropped. You may have looked in the mirror and not felt it was you looking back. It takes time to get used to any change and this was a big one. Photographing and celebrating who you, smiling in the mirror and getting to know this you may help.
    Maintaining positive change is hard if we are around people who encourage and support things that may be harmful to us like binging. So back in the family home for the summer can be really hard, and it's very easy to slip into old patterns. If you've discovered you love running can you bring that home? Is there a local running club or running group you could get in with.
    Don't be hard on yourself. You see what is happening and you have the tools to look after yourself better and do it, do it for you!!


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    You lost the weight, met someone you really like as a result and now you are going to throw it all away because you are "lazy". You need to kop on to yourself OP or you will be miserable. Sorry to be blunt but as you say yourself, time is VERY quickly running out. You need to stop eating crap, exercise twice as hard in preperation for your next date. Next time you meet him, look even more stunning and feel even more confident.

    Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I really took a lot from each of them.

    Kidchamelon - I will say that my inner wounded child was taken aback initially at the bluntness of your message...but. I think it is exactly on the button. The time is now, and I need a kick up the a**e! I can accept that message now because I am feeling a bit healed, less vulnerable, and am aware of my journey, my triggers etc.

    I went for a run today and it felt great! And even though I did eat more than I meant to today (out of routine, wine etc) I have not been stuffing myself with the wild self destructive abandon of previously. It is a journey after all.

    Thank you, kind people xx


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