Work - no confidence

LegacyUser

I'm in my 30s and have been pummeled by years of recession, dead-end minimum wage jobs, unscrupulous employers and house-always-wins recruitment policies. Most recently, I was bullied out of a 'good' job that should have turned the tide on my years of employment misfortunes but turned out to be a humiliating experience that ended with me being fired after being hired as a trainee but my 'mentor' refused to give me any meaningful training.

All I know that is right now, I've finished some part time education and indulged in some travel for a period (respite from my years of economic hardship) and I'm panicking about even starting to look for work. People keep advising me about practical aspects regarding applying to agencies and all I can see is more misery - long interview processes, short contracts, low wages, proving myself over and over and over, struggling with relationships, more interviews that end in disappointment and so on. My head is just full of the negativity from all of my failures from recent years. I'm not an idiot and usually I master every job I've had but I always struggle to progress despite trying to do all the right things and I'm just always on the outside of the cliques. Even when I do make friends and form networks, I always struggle to move forward at work even when I know I can easily do the work.

I have lots of experience in different things but I don't have many hard, tradeable skills as everything I've done over the years has been very job-specific. My qualification is more like a general business thing which could lead me into lots of things but without hard skills to help me climatise. The last decade just proves that everything I touch turns to shyte. I get a cold shiver every time I think about what's going to happen now. I feel like I just can't face another job hunt. I feel like whatever happens next will either be another giant waste of my time or will result in me being humiliated or alienated again. I just feel like I can't keep trying to reinvent myself and prove myself to impress unscrupulous employers or facing the cold shoulder of the 'in crowd' over and over. I feel exhausted.

Lash Into The Pints

Civil service is hiring, so are many county council's. Bus Eireann are hiring. Get your licence and go for it.

mapaca

I'm afraid I don't really have any advice for you but I didn't want to read and not reply as your post really struck a chord with me. I've also been floundering for years and feel I never managed to get my career off the ground. I couldn't tell you how many job interviews I've done where it's gone pear-shaped on me, leaving me rejected and humiliated. I get a sick feeling of dread when I have a job application in the pipeline.

I did reasonably well for the first few years out of college, then the recession bit and jobs in my industry dried up. I did the mundane minimum wage jobs and struggled along. I finally got a decent job I loved only to be laid off after a few months.

I wonder how other people seem to have no trouble finding a new job role when it suits them and breeze through the process of interviewing, settling in, making friends with workmates, progressing up the ladder. It's a skill that feels completely out of reach for me. Confidence must play a huge part. I know it's certainly one thing that I lack.

Anyway, I read your post and saw so much of myself in what you wrote, I felt I just had to reply and let you know that you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. I hope that will be some help to you. :-)

NiceFella

OP, I know how you feel because I was in a similar position to yourself. In my opinion your problem isn't any skills or competency to do a job, it's taking yourself too seriously. You seem to cast all with the same notions, people in cliques against myself. Now you may have experienced some bad work environments in which case you were best to not be kept on. But you have these kind of things in most work places. The way to go is just relax, don't try and impress people and be yourself. I also had that constant negative/bitter self talk and tbh op you need to chuck that ****e in the bin. It'll consume you. Stop judging yourself. Learn to laugh. After a long time looking for work the job I'm working now I thought I screwed up the interview because I made the interviewers laugh. Got the job the next day. Mainly op observe your thinking and ask yourself is the thoughts helpful? That's a skill that can lead to unbelievable development. It takes time but you'll get there.

Lux23

If you're not getting ahead, perhaps you have to ask yourself how you interact with colleagues? Why didn't you mentor want to train you? Is always the job's fault or are there things you're doing that make it hard to work with you? If you're struggling in this market, I think you need to be honest with yourself as well?

Xterminator

Hi Op

what is the problem with getting a job, a crap one and working on getting a better one? you know like many other people?

it sounds like you might be your own worst enemy here.

i read an article about a dad who worked 3 jobs to raise enough money to buy his daughter the prom dress she wanted and surprised her with it.

Be that man. the one with a work ethic. Get up off your ass and go out and get what you want. It wont fall into your lap. But you can earn it. and yes some people have it handy, dad knows someone who knows someone etc. But concentrate you yourself, your work ethic, and general attitude to work , ie the things you can control.

pwurple

Business skills are the most useful of all! Transferable to loads of industries. Sounds like this is the problem, too much choice, too many directions that are out there. Have you tried a career coach or career guidance? They can be very useful for tailoring a CV, picking out jobs that suit your skills.

Persiancowboy

Go on to the Public Appointments Service website, publicjobs.ie and have a look at the Executive Officer competition which is currently open for the civil service.....absolutely nothing to stop you doing that.

LegacyUser

Thank you all. Sorry for the essay. I'm slowly moving things forward this week and just taking things one step at a time. I'm ambitious and I'm anxious to get on and I recognise that this is just going to have to be an exercise of managing my feelings about things. The big fear is that I end up in another horror story like my most recent job.

"If you're not getting ahead, perhaps you have to ask yourself how you interact with colleagues? Why didn't you mentor want to train you? Is always the job's fault or are there things you're doing that make it hard to work with you? If you're struggling in this market, I think you need to be honest with yourself as well?"

I'm very well aware of my own deficiencies and inputs contributing to my failures and I've bent over backwards trying to 'fix' them and I've had work successes in life. I know I'll have to face these deficiencies every time I find myself in a new environment as many are just inherent. This is the nature of my stress right now.

People say to me "you look like a bouncer" and in a recent job someone said "you know that people on my old team are actually afraid of you - I was surprised when I realised you were sound". I just can't escape the judgement that people make about my appearance it seems and I try to adjust my body language and have had some success. However, I walk into a room of strangers and, like I say, I often have a hill to climb with people but I do everything I can. Fundamentally, I'm shy and scary looking and I make some people feel uneasy and they frequently just run with their initial feelings until I prove otherwise. It's a lifelong theme, trust me. I've worked on myself for years in that respect. I know my aptitudes and I know what I need to get good at the job and I'm conscientious. If I'm given time and space, I'll excel; just not at the beginning and not if I'm overloaded early. I just need to build up knowledge my way slowly.

In terms of my mentor, she had her political agenda, I believe. She was really friendly with some of the other contract employees, some of them were hoping to be made permanent and I believe she saw me as an interloper threatening them. I also believe she didn't have to mindset for training even if she had the will (having been a trainer in the past myself) and pretty much felt like training should have been someone else's job. She hadn't trained anyone else before.

Further to that, the whole venture was mis-handled. My mentor tried to pass off her donkey work to me which would have been fine if I had been first trained on the core work, then I would have understood how to audit and assess it to reconcile errors and bugs on the background stuff she made me responsible for and complete the necessary reports (my manager never interfered and I wish they had). It was the kind of job that you can complete 80% of the work with 20% of the knowledge so oversimplified training meant that you could start everything but finish nothing. I'd ask for help with the remaining 20% of the work and all I'd get was an expression of concern, confusion and disappointment; but no further help except one-word answers. Everyone else working there was nothing but lovely to me and when I started side-stepping my mentor here and there to get help, she started intervening to thwart these efforts. I know this makes me sound paranoid but "just cover your arse" was her mantra and she really didn't care about anything that went wrong as long as she wasn't responsible and she didn't care about the consequences of my work not being complete as long as she could take the stance that it wasn't her fault (maybe why she was in the same role for donkeys years without progression). /rant


"OP, I know how you feel because I was in a similar position to yourself. In my opinion your problem isn't any skills or competency to do a job, it's taking yourself too seriously. You seem to cast all with the same notions, people in cliques against myself. Now you may have experienced some bad work environments in which case you were best to not be kept on. But you have these kind of things in most work places. The way to go is just relax, don't try and impress people and be yourself. I also had that constant negative/bitter self talk and tbh op you need to chuck that ****e in the bin. It'll consume you. Stop judging yourself. Learn to laugh. After a long time looking for work the job I'm working now I thought I screwed up the interview because I made the interviewers laugh. Got the job the next day. Mainly op observe your thinking and ask yourself is the thoughts helpful? That's a skill that can lead to unbelievable development. It takes time but you'll get there

I know that at this hour of my life, more bad work environments could affect my long term quality of life. I'm single and can't assume I won't be going into the future and I want to get a mortgage to get a house so I can pursue my interests and passions (woodworking, metalworking, car restoration etc) which need room greater than sharing an apartment to share spiralling rents. I'm feeling like I've been moving in the wrong direction despite trying everything to move in the right direction. I have built the whole thing up in my mind and I am putting myself under pressure. This feels like a big deal to me because it is a big deal to me. I feel like my long term goals can't afford for this unlucky streak to go on. I feel like this job hunt could be a moment of truth in my career and in my life and I feel everwhelmed having had the decade I've had. Maybe I should feel like this shouldn't be a big deal but it simply does feel that way no matter what way I look at it.

Thanks all