I'm so lost

Makapakka

I know this may seem strange, and to me it seems it too, but I just need some advice.

I've been single for 3 years, I have a kid, and I've been with some difficult blokes shall we say..

I've alway wanted to get married and have kids, but things are working out in a different order..

Ive been going out with this guy for 6 months. He's lovely, he's kind, he adores me and my kid, he is so helpful, he said "I'd do anything for you".

Yet, I can feel myself being less invested in him.. I don't know what it is, because I think he's great, he does make me laugh, and other things are great too..

But there is something niggling at me, and I don't know what it is. I can be very hot and cold with him sometimes. There are a few things that niggle at me and once I get one in my head, I can't let it go. I just feel like a ****ty person, because as I said, he's a lovely guy, and all my friends and family are like he's great, he's a keeper, but part of me wants to say STOP!! Its too much.. and he says he really loves me, and I thought I felt the same, but now I'm doubting myself...

I suppose it would be of interest to mention my parents separated when I was 8 and I did have a lot of issues with that..


So I would really love some advice..

s7ryf3925pivug

I think it would be natural for you to feel contempt for someone who adores you, would do anything for you, but whom you’re not really into.

You said zilch about him, only commented on how he treats you.

Dunno if you’re leading him on and he would expect you to be as wrapped up in him as he is you, or if he’s just some suffocating codependent type.

Dunno what your parents separating when you were eight has to do with anything. Think you’re overthinking this a lot.

leggo

There may be some self-esteem/sabotage issues going on. Sometimes when people have been through rough parental splits or even traumatic break-ups of their own, they see every new relationship as a ticking timebomb that's going to go off at some stage and can't even enjoy the happy times or appreciate decent people who enter their lives as it'd be setting themselves up for disappointment. Does that sound familiar OP?

Hitman3000

So the guy adores you you think he's a d**khead? He's not your Dad. He's a guy that thinks you are fabulous. Put the baggage aside and judge him on his personality.

Hercule Poirot

Think I get where the OP is coming from, there can be such a thing as too nice - which sounds oxymoronic I know - but the jist is that some people want to get challenged in a relationship, I'm not saying they are looking for drama or screaming matches or any of that nonsense but we are all different and I think that OP has realised that an ultra compliant partner isn't what they are looking for

If that is true OP then you owe it to your partner to end things sooner rather than later, there are some people who will absolutely adore him in return and he deserves to find that person

If I'm wrong, and it is due to past issues, then all I can say is that you should tell him about your fears and he seems like a nice guy, ye might be able to work your way through it

Anyways, best of luck OP

Hitman3000

Hercule Poirot wrote:

Anyways, best of luck OP

All I got form your post was the importance of HONESTY. Yeah everything else is secondary.

mazwell

Hitman3000 wrote: »

So the guy adores you you think he's a d**khead? He's not your Dad. He's a guy that thinks you are fabulous. Put the baggage aside and judge him on his personality.

Where did she say he was a dickhead?????

mazwell

Hitman3000 wrote: »

All I got form your post was the importance of HONESTY. Yeah everything else is secondary.

Again where?