Self-harm scars

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. So, I have 10 years worth of healed and healing self-harm scars. Some have paled to silvery, and some are still very bright red. For most of my adult life I have rarely worn anything that would reveal them, but I've found in the last year or so that I am coming to accept my body a lot more and beginning to feel less ashamed.

With the weather we've had this summer it's been so hard not wearing nice light summer clothes and so after hours of battling with myself last week I wore a skirt going to the shop, scars very visible.

I was mentioned to me that I shouldn't have them "on show" as there are children about who could see them and also there could be people who have suffered or are suffering with the same and it could be very upsetting for them.

To be honest, I hadn't considered either of those things and now feel sort of irresponsible and icky about myself again.

What do you think?

s7ryf3925pivug

Fnck them. It’s hot outside. Make sh!t up to tell kids if you don’t want to tell them about that sort of stuff. Don’t see how someone who is self-harming would suffer from seeing old scars on someone else. If anything I think it would make them feel less alone, less weird.

Dravokivich

You don't seem to indicate your actions are on the back of self harm being "promoted". If someone thinks bearing your scars through lighter clothing is promoting it, they genuinely don't know what they are talking about. You can either inform'em, or just ask them to stop fear mongering it.

LegacyUser

You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Children see lots of things in public they may not be used to. People their own age or older with disabilities, etc. Unless you work all day with children pay no heed to whomever made that remark, it hasn't come from a kind place.

J. Smith

Keep moving forward! If you're in a better place – just keep moving forward!!

Seth Brundle

ihaveaq wrote: »

What do you think?

I think you should stop worrying what other people think.
It's great that you are feeling confident with yourself. Fair play to you!

Cash_Q

It's great that your confidence is growing. If you are ever wishing to reduce the appearance of them , bio oil is great.

JustAThought

Cash_Q wrote: »

It's great that your confidence is growing. If you are ever wishing to reduce the appearance of them , bio oil is great.

You could also wear tights - which would reduce the visibility considerably. Good luck with your ongoing progress.

FurBabyMomma

Who in the name of goodness would say such a thing to you??? I'm sorry that someone was that insensitive. Your scars show how when we hurt, we can still heal and actually it might be encouraging to someone in a similar position to see you out there living your life. Wear what you want and continued good luck with your progress.

Dial Hard

ihaveaq wrote:

I was mentioned to me that I shouldn't have them "on show" as there are children about who could see them and also there could be people who have suffered or are suffering with the same and it could be very upsetting for them.

Is the person who said this by any chance aware that they're self-harm scars and is, for want of a better word, ashamed of what other people might think if they see them? An old-fashioned mother, in other words?
The "on show" comment is quite telling.

Your scars are yours, not anyone elses. Whether you got them in a fire, an accident or through your own doing, it's nobody else's blinkin' business. Are you supposed to wear a burqa for the rest of your life just in case you offend someone else's sensibilities? Nonsense.

Wear whatever you feel comfortable in and fcuk the begrudgers, as my dad would say. And I really hope your demons are behind you and you're feeling better now.

bikubesong

Please don't worry about it - try not to let it undo any of the progress you have made! Children should be taught how to encounter people with any physical differences or aberrations with respect. Anybody who is old enough to understand what they are, or who has/is going through the same thing - they'll recognise that the scars are healing and anyone worth their salt should know that it's none of their business.

For what it's worth, I self-harmed from the ages of 14 to 21, I have some scarring on my arms but it is in discreet areas for the most part (basically you can't see most of them unless I wear a bikini). I have a colleague who has lots of (healed) scarring on her arms that I recognise can only be from self-harm. I've never ever mentioned it to her or discussed it with anyone else at work and I don't judge her for it. To see those marks on someone else doesn't trigger me or upset me or remind me of my past - I'm just glad that she's in a good place now. She wears short sleeves so I'm sure our other colleagues have noticed it too but it's NEVER been discussed between anyone at work. We are all adults and know that someone else's past is not our concern.

bertsmom

I have no experience in this or indeed any good advice to offer but I just want to wish you the best and please just completely disregard what that person said.
I think for you to be in a place mentally where you are comfortable in your own body shows how strong you are to have overcome your difficulties. Perhaps that's an on going process for you and I hate to think that those stupid careless remarks would set you back.
Walk tall, wear whatever you please, stay strong and f*ck those type of people who just can't mind their own can business.

Kitty6277

I would say the same as everyone else posting here, don't let that persons attitude change how you feel about your body. Most people probably don't notice, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't say anything, perhaps you were just unlucky to come upon a person who would mention it. Having said that, I understand your discomfort from personal experience, I have similar scars myself, and even though now I'm not that bothered about showing them off, there are some times that I become aware of them and feel uncomfortable about them. I usually just power through the discomfort, because much as I don't like the fact that I have scars and wish I had never done it, they're there and that's that, not much I can do about it now.

Redser87

I think it's great that you were able to do that OP and far from hurting anyone else who knows - maybe you helped someone along on their own journey of healing. You've come out the other end now and fair play. Most people are too taken up with their own lives to take much notice of a stranger in a shop anyway so please don't feel self conscious.

Johnnyhpipe

If you got those scars after falling through a window should you keep them hidden so that you don’t offend other people who might have fallen through windows?!

F&€k them! Fair play to you!

elfy4eva

ihaveaq wrote: »

. I was mentioned to me that I shouldn't have them "on show"

Whoever said this to you has a disgraceful attitude.

dudara

Scars show that you’re alive and that you survived. We wouldn’t be seeing them if you hadn’t taken care of yourself and improved your health.

Covering them up is akin to continuing the stigma, the secret hidden nature of the trauma.

Big Bag of Chips

I think children wouldn't notice/care/ask what they are. A child doesn't have adult knowledge and experience, so are very unlikely to look at scars and think "oh dear, that person has selfharmed". I would hope the huge majority of children don't even know what self harm is. So a child looking at you might notice, or not, and if the do notice will attribute a childish reason to it.. cut your legs on walls, fences, climbing trees, picking blackberries, whatever.

Adults may look, and may judge... But so what? I would think a very sizeable portion of adults won't notice (people tend to be too busy with their own problems!) or will notice, will briefly think something or other, and then will move on completely forgetting they've even seen you.

blairbear

You are SO brave!! Well done in wearing summery clothes in this weather. This is such great progress.

Eh don't even consider putting on tights in 25 degree heat, as one poster suggested. Why should you be ashamed of any aspect of your body?! Nobody with any wit will give them a second thought or even notice them.

They are very, very common. As a doctor, I see them on a daily basis, old and new. Please don't hide yourself away. Well done.

wiggle16

You have scars. How they came about is of no concern to anyone else. Most people won't notice anyway.

If you had suffered burns in an accident, rather than self-inflicted scars, I doubt that person would have had the gall to tell you to cover up. This is no different.

Wear what you want, when you want.

LegacyUser

OP I have scars all along lower arm and lots on my wrist.... For years I only wore long sleeves....most notably my big heavy winter coat even in 30 degrees weather to hide my arm scars but now, the wrist ones are darn impossible to keep hidden....so I said f*ck it. If anyone asks I'm lying and saying they're from an accident on a farm involving a barbed wire fence. If you do not wish to disclose to other people how you attained your scars you can always lie. There could be a thousand different reasons why you have scars. Should someone who was in a car accident cover and hode their scars? I've only ever noticed SH scars on people after I developed my own, I was never aware of them prior...if I did see them SH was probably the last thing that would've came to mind. So screw it. Wear the tank top or sleevless dress or whatever. Life is too short to care about the opinions of strangers and acquaintances. Do what you want.