Family issues

sophfudge

I am on holiday with my husband and kids visiting his home country for the first time. We are married a good few years. Before we came we organised a big party so we could meet everyone he said. Which we did. We are staying in an apartment close to his family. This is the problem I have - since we arrived we have spent every day with his family. We don't see much of eachother at home due to work and I find it very difficult so holidays are very important to me anyway. I am also introverted and I don't have a close relationship with my family. I was finding it all too much and it was causing arguments. It finally got too much and I was really upset. I told him I wanted us to spend some time as a family while here. He said he would cancel all the upcoming plans and we went out for the afternoon as a family but he hasn't cancelled anything. We had to meet up with family again last night. Today we were going somewhere they just showed up. I realised he hadn't cancelled tonight's plans either so they have gone but I refused to. I can't go anywhere without him as he is the driver. I'm so annoyed and wish I never came. Am I being unreasonable
Forgot to say his family largely do not speak English

Big Bag of Chips

A little. It is a holiday to his home country, to see his family. I understand you'd like a bit of time on your own, but you have gone on holiday to see his family, who I assume you don't see often?

I think a compromise could be met, but I would expect such a holiday to spend a large portion of it with the family.

Purple Mountain

I think you are being totally unreasonable.
He lives in YOUR country, your friends and family live here. You could see them any day of the week if you choose to- Ireland is small.
If he was excluding you with his family on the holiday or the family were being rude to you then I would understand your upset but to be honest it sounds like you're sulking.
Make time in Ireland for day trips as a family or a date night as adults if you can't afford a few days away somewhere else.
If I was living in another country and I had a limited few days at home in Ireland, I would spend every single minute with the friends and family who I left behind for a life in a new country. But I'd be trying to involve my partner too and making them feel at home with my life before I met them.

iamwhoiam

I was in your position OP for many years . I knew exactly what it meant to have a holiday with his family .It meant we made up for all they missed out on their son / brother and their grandchildren .

If I needed a holiday with my husband and kids we would go elsewhere . The holidays with his family were all about him and his family . Now and again if I needed a bit of silence or peace I stayed in with a good book . But apart from that I took the backstage and made sure my husband got every moment he could with his parents , siblings and friends

Purple Mountain

Just to add..
I assume your children are his too?
Isn't it important that they know their grandparents and extended family?
I feel you may be taking out your lack of relationship with your own family on your husband.
I could understand if these in laws lived in Ireland and were bombarding you every day but they're probably so excited to see their son, grandchildren and daughter in law.
As for the language.
Last month I visited cousins in a non English speaking country where they live.
They took me to a party where only me and my female cousin had English.
I sat back, people watched, enjoyed the new food and plucked up the courage to try a few words of the local language coupled with sign language. It was a great night of cultural experience.
Enjoy this opportunity!

Big Bag of Chips

Also, why would his family speak English? Do you speak his language? Do your children? If not that's something you definitely should work on.

miezekatze

I think you are being unreasonable. I'm from another country too (moved here for my partner) and my family don't speak much English, my OH is Irish and doesn't speak their language. When we visit my home country I want to spend time with my family, and tbh I'd be a bit annoyed if my partner got all cranky about that. I only see them a few times a year after all (we are both introverts btw). I translate as much as I can for him, but he does get left out of conversations too. Keep in mind that this is just a few days and it obviously means a lot to your partner. Be an adult and deal with it. Do you not want your kids to have a relationship with his family?

sophfudge

His family all speak English but speak in their language. When I say family I do not mean immediate family. And also my husband doesnt want to actually spend his time with the various family members we are meeting but feels obliged to. I feel bad as he is stuck in the middle but I can't understand the obligation. We are actually here for a very long time too. It's not a short holiday.

iamwhoiam

sophfudge wrote: »

His family all speak English but speak in their language. When I say family I do not mean immediate family. And also my husband doesnt want to actually spend his time with the various family members we are meeting but feels obliged to. I feel bad as he is stuck in the middle but I can't understand the obligation. We are actually here for a very long time too. It's not a short holiday.

Why would they not speak in their own language in their own country with their own family ?

dudara

Closed at OP’s requwst