All My Friends Are Gone

LegacyUser

Just wondering has anyone else experienced this! All of my old friends are basically gone.

Between marriage, emigration (different continents), life etc. all of the core friends I had through school and my 20s have just evaporated. I find life very lonely and isolating at times. I have friends in work, friends in sports, family etc. but I suddenly have no one I can just go for a casual pint with.

The only way around it seems to be involve myself in more and more sports and more team sports.

I know it is just part of getting older but my brother, for example, his friends though married etc are all geographically closer and get together much more often. If I see my old friends once a year I am lucky. It's a weird thing how my social life suddenly went up in smoke and I didn't see it coming. I probably could have future proofed myself a bit for it if I'd known!

Is anyone in a similar boat?

Big Bag of Chips

I see nobody from my school days. There's group of 3 or 4 of us who meet up once a year at Christmas when people are home from the various continents they now live on. But other than that, I see nobody from school. I don't keep in touch with anyone from college either! My friends now, and people I'd occasionally socialise with are friends I've made as an adult. Other parents of my children's friends. People I know through different groups etc.

My social life certainly isn't hopping, but then I have sort of chosen that way. I suppose it can be harder to make friends as adults as people have more going on in their life than just hanging around together, like we did when we were younger. But it is possible.

And not being in touch with people from years ago isn't really all that unusual.

whiskeyman

Would you ask those friends in work or sports out for a casual pint?
Maybe organise a night out / end of season social and take it from there. I'm sure others are probably in the same boat.
Many of us no longer have the friends we grew up with.

Lash Into The Pints

Go out for a pint by yourself and get chatting to someone.

I am at the stage now where I nearly prefer to go out alone.

ginandtonicsky

Could you ask the guys at work out for a drink mid-week or something? Maybe set up a team to tackle Tough Mudder or a half marathon or something?

I see it happening all the time at work. One of the girls on my team is some sort of social wizard, she’ll walk into a room, say hi to everyone and come out with five new people on Instagram/WhatsApp. Or be making vague “wouldn’t it be great if we..” plans with a new group of acquaintances, whip out the phone, “here what’s your number, I’ll set up a WhatsApp group!” Etc

It’s hard and uncomfortable in the beginning but I think being proactive and opportunistic is the only way to handle it. Loads of people in the same boat.

Edgware

30Something! wrote: »

Just wondering has anyone else experienced this! All of my old friends are basically gone.

Between marriage, emigration (different continents), life etc. all of the core friends I had through school and my 20s have just evaporated. I find life very lonely and isolating at times. I have friends in work, friends in sports, family etc. but I suddenly have no one I can just go for a casual pint with.

The only way around it seems to be involve myself in more and more sports and more team sports.

I know it is just part of getting older but my brother, for example, his friends though married etc are all geographically closer and get together much more often. If I see my old friends once a year I am lucky. It's a weird thing how my social life suddenly went up in smoke and I didn't see it coming. I probably could have future proofed myself a bit for it if I'd known!

Is anyone in a similar boat?

Depending on what part of the country you and local facilities there are options. If you are involved in GAA and the club has a bar facility you can walk in the door and you will always find someone to have a chat with.
It is a fact of life that people in the late 20s early 30s do go their own way because of marriage, work etc. You will have to make an effort whether its joining up a hill walking club, cycling club or similar group to widen your network

LegacyUser

Read this and had to reply OP - I'm in a similar boat. I have lots of good friends with whom I've great relationships, although I don't see them as regularly as I'd like anymore as everyone is busy with family stuff, life, etc
In my early 30s now and single and sometimes wish I'd "future-proofed" in some way as you mentioned, however I find I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin & better at being alone. I'm more alone, but not lonely if u get me, but sometimes I wish I could have more people to go out for a few drinks with casually. The up sides are that I'm putting more time into self improvement, and that when I do go out now I probably enjoy and savour it even more.

Class of 82

It's simple but it's hard.

Find something you are interested in. Join a club/group around that. Go to all social events that are organised. Be interested in the other people there. Get involved in Whats App groups etc.

Slowly but surely new friendships and relationships will develop from there.

LegacyUser

Same situation, had a great group of friends in school and college and was never stuck for people to socialise with. I’m nearly 40 now. All my friends are scattered everywhere and I live in a rural area where I am finding it very difficult to make friends. I am an introvert and dont mind my own company but I do love a good night out and a bit of a laugh as well. Neither I nor my wife have any connection with where we live now and it’s a good three hour drive to where we grew up.

I have lots of acquaintances from work etc but its just not the same. I would love to join local activities and clubs to meet people but we have young children at home and my wife works awkward and unpredictable hours making it hard to commit to things as I am usually either at work or at home caring for the children. I am hoping that in a few years things will settle and I can begin to integrate in to the community. We earn a good living and have beautiful children so life is generally good but I can empathise with you OP. I must say it usually doesn’t bother me a whole lot but there are definitely weekends I really wish I had a gang I could go for a pint with. I think this is a common enough problem tbh

charlietheminxx

I think this is quite common in your late twenties/early thirties. I have about 3 friends left in Dublin, all with very busy lives. I recently joined some online groups to try and widen my social circle but it’s not easy.

LegacyUser

I would advise to lighten up on your friends, they are following their path. It doesnt mean they are not your friends, it just means they are growing and changing. You are doing the same. Change is unfortunately tough on us all and we often fight it.

I am in a similar situation to you OP, my group of friends are all mid 30's and starting to have families, focus on career. Weekly drinks became monthly which became 2-3 times a year at best.

I was quite down about it for a while and I still miss them, but i had to realize that we are all grown up and given the opportunity, i wouldn't like to go back to that life of drinks, socializing, always having to be doing something.

They are still my friends but with different priorities, just like me.
I also branched out and have many new friends. I joined a club doing activities that none of my friends would ever be interested in and now i have good friends who share specific interests.

I also have some good friends from work who i can now often relate to better than my old cohort of friends.

So do what makes you happy, find like minded people and become friends with them, try new groups and activities and always be there for your old friends as they are still your friends.