Money issues

LegacyUser

I always read these threads and find people give good advice so thought I would ask for help with my issue. Basically my partner and I have very different attitudes with regards to money. I tend to be frugal and watch what I spend, my partner on the other hand spends like there's no tomorrow. There's been numerous rows over money and my partner getting their self in debt or not paying bills.

As a result of this all of our bills bar two are paid by me. My partner gives a set amount of money towards the house each week as do I and the rest of their money is their business, to pay their own bills, phone, car insurance etc. This works generally well, the bills are paid, they still might leave them selves stuck but I take the attitude of you're a grown-up your problem .

My partner and I had been talking about upgrading our car they had said to wait until after Christmas but I took the run with it and applied for a loan. Thought why not, in hindsight this was probably unfair of me. But my partner went ballistic said they couldnt give bank statements. Turns out their bank account has been in the red since Christmas. They never told me. I was extremely upset, a massive row started. I don't know what to do about this. I'm sick of this. They're 30 years of age. We're married with two children. It's their attitude that sickens me, never taking any of the blame and now not speaking to me because I applied for a loan when I shouldn't have. Worse of all they told to keep my nose out , it was none of my business

NinetyTwoTeam

So, do you have a specific question or did you just want to vent?

m'lady

NinetyTwoTeam wrote: »

So, do you have a specific question or did you just want to vent?

At the start of the post the op said they were looking for advice.

beauf

Seems like you done what you accuse your partner of doing is not being transparent with money in getting the loan. But he obviously did this a lot more than you. But forget that...

Sounds like you should agree a set amount for personal spending and everything else goes into a joint account.

Sounds like you are not a couple financially. If you don't get that sorted I doubt your relationship will survive long term.

KevinCavan

Does ur partner have a gambling addiction, or is it just a spending one?

delly

As I read through your post OP, I was surprised at the end when you said you are married with two kids, I would have thought such money management from a 21 year old with little commitments. Yes, you may have been wrong to apply for a loan, but the way that you are managing your finances as a household is quite frankly, ridiculous. The fact that your partner has been in the red for over half a year without informing you is indicative of how your separate money management isn't working. I've seen similar inability to manage money with people of your age range, so I'm not sure if it's a generation thing, but that's a debate for a different thread.

In terms of advice, I suppose the first hurdle is getting your partner on board with accepting that the current system isn't working. I get the idea of him wanting to spend like there's no tomorrow, but you can't do that when you have a family and household to maintain.

Next would be to do up a spreadsheet of all monthly bills, the ones that are paid by DD and are more or less fixed. None of this his or hers, but all bills that need to be paid on a monthly basis. Following that you need a second sheet detailing the casual and changeable outgoings, such as weekly shopping, kids activities, summer camps etc. By combining both sheets, you get an idea of the minimum you need for the month, vs your combined monthly incomings. What's left can be used for whatever you want, your own back pocket money, savings, holiday fund etc. Create an account for your DDs and transfer in what your total is for that month, by keeping it separate, you ensure your bills are covered.

Now many might disagree with the combining aspect and others may think that one partner should get more if they earn more, but in my view if your married and well established, it should be all in in my view. Even if you don't go with all of the above, it should give you an indication of what it takes to put in place good financial planning, even if it does seem a little OTT.

/EDIT Just in relation to the previous post, I also had a question on if your partner has something to hide financially. The amount of casual gambling that goes on these days seems to be on the rise.

Fol20

Ask them to take a look at Dave Ramsey on YouTube. His principles and guidance would be great for your other half(if their willing to accept it)

As a couple especially when you are married it is also your problem and at some stage or another you should align some of your finances together. I’m not saying everything as I personally prefer to have a bit just for myself as well but maybe 50pc of both of your income should be in a joint account. Her fight to be financially smart is also your fight now as your married

For people that struggle to manage money, I believe it’s better if they only spend with cash for 2 reasons. The first one is that they can only spend what the actually have and secondly it’s a mental aspect where if you buy with cash you had over your 50’s and you don’t get anything back while if you use your card it’s a quick swipe and you also get your card back

dudara

@NinetyTwoTeam - please leave the modding to the moderators. If you don’t have helpful, constructive advice to offer, then don’t post.

dudara

The_Honeybadger

delly wrote: »

As I read through your post OP, I was surprised at the end when you said you are married with two kids, I would have thought such money management from a 21 year old with little commitments. Yes, you may have been wrong to apply for a loan, but the way that you are managing your finances as a household is quite frankly, ridiculous. The fact that your partner has been in the red for over half a year without informing you is indicative of how your separate money management isn't working. I've seen similar inability to manage money with people of your age range, so I'm not sure if it's a generation thing, but that's a debate for a different thread.

In terms of advice, I suppose the first hurdle is getting your partner on board with accepting that the current system isn't working. I get the idea of him wanting to spend like there's no tomorrow, but you can't do that when you have a family and household to maintain.

Next would be to do up a spreadsheet of all monthly bills, the ones that are paid by DD and are more or less fixed. None of this his or hers, but all bills that need to be paid on a monthly basis. Following that you need a second sheet detailing the casual and changeable outgoings, such as weekly shopping, kids activities, summer camps etc. By combining both sheets, you get an idea of the minimum you need for the month, vs your combined monthly incomings. What's left can be used for whatever you want, your own back pocket money, savings, holiday fund etc. Create an account for your DDs and transfer in what your total is for that month, by keeping it separate, you ensure your bills are covered.

Now many might disagree with the combining aspect and others may think that one partner should get more if they earn more, but in my view if your married and well established, it should be all in in my view. Even if you don't go with all of the above, it should give you an indication of what it takes to put in place good financial planning, even if it does seem a little OTT.

/EDIT Just in relation to the previous post, I also had a question on if your partner has something to hide financially. The amount of casual gambling that goes on these days seems to be on the rise.

This is good advice and roughly how we manage our household. Will only work if both are on board.

We have an account for mortgage, and DD’s including regular saving, we then take out a set amount in cash each week for groceries, diesel, kids activities etc and try to stick rigidly to it. We each have a bit of ‘mad money’ then that we can spend as we please. The rest is left to build up a sort of emergency fund for car repairs, one off purchases, family events etc so that we don’t have to touch our savings.

Tbh my wife wouldn’t be the best with money and I really had to drive the above, she has zero interest in the financial side of things but I have tried my best to include her in everything. She just doesn’t seem to be wired the same way as me but in fairness she recognises that and sticks to the system. As long as one partner has a bit of financial nous and is able to bring the other along without resentment it can work fine.