Should I emigrate?

wingsof daun

I am a single man, early thirties, who is tired/bored of living in my Irish town. I don't like going out to the pubs anymore because I feel I have nothing in common with the clientel, and can't make any new friends in them. They are also very quiet and lonely places (pubs) during the week here. I used to be very happy with my life and would enjoy drinking in pubs socially and have a great laugh but the excitement is gone. I feel I've had a wake up call. It can get depressing. My job is menial, low pay and boring. I can't find a partner to settle down with here. In short, perhaps rural Ireland is too narrow minded for me. Maybe I could be happier in a big city in England or America, or Dublin if I could find work I might find inner peace and happiness, with a fresh start somewhere? Feel free to share your thoughts or advice

Arrival

Go for it. Living in a rural town if you're any bit of an open minded and adventurous person is agonising. No offense to any rural people that may be reading this, but people who stay living in their home town for life tend to be so closed minded, judgemental and addicted to gossip. It's a truly sad existence, going to the same pub each week and talking to the same people about the same type of bull**** while just downing pints. I moved into the city a few months back from a rural town and only a couple of my friends from out home visited for a night out inside here so far, they're happy to just continue going out to their little old man pubs and getting langers drunk. We're in our mid/late twenties too, the time where most lads are trying to live as active a social life as possible and meeting girls, but these lads don't even really have girls to approach in their local pubs. I felt frustrated about them being like this at first but I've since gotten over that, now I just feel pity that they're content with such a meagre existence but as long as they're happy themselves. Depending on what your qualifications are and what kind of work you could do, OP, I would definitely suggest emigrating for at least a year or two to get somewhere new and fresh. You'll be forced to rely entirely on yourself to find new friends, new hobbies and social activities and this will help you grow in multiple ways. If you decide then to return home, move to Dublin or Cork for sure.

Emme

OP get out of there and spread your wings. Rural Ireland will destroy your soul if you stay.

PressRun

I say go. Your home town and rural Ireland will always be there if/when you want to go back. It's always worth getting out and seeing what the rest of the world has to offer.

I will say this though - emigration is not a walk in the park. Cities are often a rat race and they can be lonely in their own way too. Making new friends or forming relationships is something you have to put effort into. It won't fall into your lap because you're in a city. You will have to put yourself out there.

Pretty rotten attitudes towards rural ireland in this thread. A lot of people are happy living there no need to be trying to look down on those who like it or making statements like it will "destroy your soul". Give me rural Ireland ahead of living in a city any day.

Darwin Shrilling Soapsuds

Darwin Shrilling Soapsuds wrote: »

Pretty rotten attitudes towards rural ireland in this thread. A lot of people are happy living there no need to be trying to look down on those who like it or making statements like it will "destroy your soul". Give me rural Ireland ahead of living in a city any day.

The OP is looking for advice on his situation. Not what you prefer.

OP, go for it, try everything at least once!
Home town will always be there.....

o1s1n

Could always try moving to Dublin? Gets a lot of **** but out of all my traveling it's still my favourite city in the world

NiceFella

In a word Yes. Do not let your life fade into an existence that your disconnected with. Go for it! Otherwise your just gonna settle for a life you didn't want. The secret to life is getting out of your comfort zone and no matter how hard you fall on your face always get back laughing. There are lots of places you could go an really enjoy and not just English speaking countries. Why not do a Tefal course and teach English in Spain Asia or south America. Why not work in Canada Australia or New Zealand. Plenty of options if you have a bit of grit and a smile on your face. Do some research into what you think would suit you best and it is simply a no Brainer. Also don't let people put doubt in your head, just do it. You won't regret it.

Caranica

Faraway hills are green.

Think about this carefully. I'm a small town girl who picked a medium sized UK town for college to get away from small towns. A move straight to a city would have been too much of a culture shock for me.

Think carefully about where you want to go and how far from home you're actually comfortable to move. Unless you have US citizenship or very rare work skills forget America for starters.

Idbatterim

Would moving to an Irish town be an option? The rent situation in Dublin is it if control however. Would Belfast or cork be an option / of interest?

wiggle16

I would be inclined to say, yup, go for it. Either way, you definitely need a change.

Before doing anything though, maybe have a think about why you're unhappy in the first place. I don't say that to discourage you at all. But it does happen that people who are unhappy for whatever reason decide that what they need to do is change scenery, but find that they simply take the problem with them (the old cliché of "wherever you go, there you are"). It does sound like the issues are tied up with where you're living, all the same - emigration is a big decision so have a think about what you really want from the move.

Anyway, you can always come back if it's not for you. Go for it.

Best of luck and have a ball x

JustAThought

Go. Spread your wings. Have an adventure. London can be a lonely place but Dublin is a great start - same language, trips.home possible, make a.bit of cash and have some good times in one of the livliest and buzziest cities in Europe. Save some money and do a few city breaks and get a feel for adventire again. Join a club wherever you go and its a great way to get to.know a lot of new people with a common denominator quickly - tag rugby (mixed), running (parkruns), a cycling club - give it a go and break free. You dont want to look back in 10 years and be a old alone barfly with broken dreams and a miserable life. Go,live,dream. Try something new. If you gate it you can always go back. Good luck : ) Courage!

wingsof daun

It is getting one's courage and positivity back helps one make the best decisions. If I grew up on a farm and could inherit land, I would stay but I need a bigger place with more people I can connect with. It's not the ppl's fault but it gets me down how narrow-minded people are, and, like a poster said, happy whenever they can get full etc. I'm sure people get work in shops, cafes, bars, taxis or hotel work, or so much other work without needing a good c.v. Thanx

NIMAN

Darwin Shrilling Soapsuds wrote: »

Pretty rotten attitudes towards rural ireland in this thread. A lot of people are happy living there no need to be trying to look down on those who like it or making statements like it will "destroy your soul". Give me rural Ireland ahead of living in a city any day.

There seems to be a belief on threads like this that rural Ireland is like something from the Twilight Zone, with inhabitants like those in the film Deliverance. A place where nothing ever happens and no-one socialises.

I grew up in a city, and now live rurally. There are plenty of things to do if you want to. People tend to be a lot friendlier than city folk, and more welcoming. I think when people say that rural life is dull, suffocating etc, it says more about them than the area. Nothing is going to come to you in your house, get out there and make an effort. If you move to Dublin and sit in your rental, it'll be just the same.

jacksie66

This post has been deleted.

Emme

Darwin Shrilling Soapsuds wrote: »

Pretty rotten attitudes towards rural ireland in this thread. A lot of people are happy living there no need to be trying to look down on those who like it or making statements like it will "destroy your soul". Give me rural Ireland ahead of living in a city any day.

I have lived in rural Ireland for the last few years and despite trying, I am not accepted because I do not fit into their traditional mould of what a woman should be. If you are not married with children by a certain age you are viewed with suspicion. I don't look down on people in rural Ireland, on the contrary, I am looked down on by people there. If people are happy in rural Ireland good for them, I'd like to know how they do it but I bet they fit into the mould of family, children and GAA.

Having said that some areas of rural Ireland are friendlier than others.

I would go back to Dublin in the morning if I could but I am priced out. I moved to rural Ireland for economic reasons in the first place - I could not afford a house in Dublin on a single salary.

I would advise the OP to leave Ireland for a while - somebody mentioned New Zealand. Dublin is great if you can afford to live there but this is not an option for a lot of people for economic reasons. The OP says his job is low paid so unless he wins the lottery Dublin is probably out of the question for him.

Graces7

[QUOTE=Emme;107684993]I have lived in rural Ireland for the last few years and despite trying, I am not accepted because I do not fit into their traditional mould of what a woman should be. If you are not married with children by a certain age you are viewed with suspicion. I don't look down on people in rural Ireland, on the contrary, I am looked down on by people there. If people are happy in rural Ireland good for them, I'd like to know how they do it but I bet they fit into the mould of family, children and GAA.

I have lived in rural Ireland for decades and certainly fit no mould but was never "viewed with suspicion " . No family or children and no involvement with GAA.

Happier and more involved now than ever.

Calhoun

wingsof daun wrote: »

I am a single man, early thirties, who is tired/bored of living in my Irish town. I don't like going out to the pubs anymore because I feel I have nothing in common with the clientel, and can't make any new friends in them. They are also very quiet and lonely places (pubs) during the week here. I used to be very happy with my life and would enjoy drinking in pubs socially and have a great laugh but the excitement is gone. I feel I've had a wake up call. It can get depressing. My job is menial, low pay and boring. I can't find a partner to settle down with here. In short, perhaps rural Ireland is too narrow minded for me. Maybe I could be happier in a big city in England or America, or Dublin if I could find work I might find inner peace and happiness, with a fresh start somewhere? Feel free to share your thoughts or advice

I think you have a bigger problem OP, if your limiting your social interaction to the pub then you have problems. Why not broaden your horizons and look into interest groups you like.

Are you working in a skilled area ? I can tell you right now trying to live on a menial wage in Dublin will be a challenge, not to mention you probably won't legally get a visa for the US unless you have the skills. At that the process to getting a green card is long and hard.

By all means go and travel but consider seriously what your options.

molly09

You may think it’s just a matter of easily moving to a city if choice and eadilybgettibgba job.
Chances are you will get a 3 month contract, be living hours away from your place of work as that will be the only accomidation you can afford and that is available. Also it is just as difficult to meet people in your 30s in cities.

Yes there is more opportunities in cities but they also come at a cost. Have you tried looking for a new job closer to home and meet new people there.
Joining different groups closer to home?
Tried online dating?
Going to a different pub?

Think it through, of course going to a city will bring new opportunities but at different costs . Weight it all out.

MartyMcFly84

Get yourself to Granada, Spain my friend.

Beautiful city, people and FREE tapas, its amazing you can eat for free. Anyone I have brought there finds it hard to get their heads around. Spent about 7 years there in total and I loved it. Its a great place to live well for not much money. You still enjoy all the benefits of living in Europe and it is not so far away from home, so not difficult to come back to visit family if you need to.

People are very open to meeting new people and you can walk into a bar and make conversations and friends very quickly.

There are jobs for English speakers, but you will learn Spanish by being there which is an incredible plus to have for the rest of your life.

PressRun

Emme wrote: »

If people are happy in rural Ireland good for them, I'd like to know how they do it but I bet they fit into the mould of family, children and GAA.

And country folk are narrow-minded?
I know plenty of people who don't fit this mould and live in rural parts, and think nothing of it. Likewise, I know Dublin folk who fit your mould very well indeed. Ireland doesn't begin and end with the capital.



Anyway, travelling is worth doing for its own sake anyway. It's worth seeing the world. You might be surprised how much you end up missing your home town as well.

C3PO

I would suggest that the OP should first think about upskilling/re-educating. It will provide many more opportunities and also something to focus on rather than the local!

Blaizes

Sounds like you are bored beyond belief.The thing with moving is you need some sort of plan.Internet will enable you to research different countries and look at visa requirements etc. especially if outside of Europe.You say you were happy before think back to what made you happy then.Perhaps your friends have moved on or moved away married kids etc.You do sound stuck to me.

Maybe a new challenge is what you need, a fresh start in another part of Ireland ( not Dublin mad rental) or overseas.Do your research, where can you find a job and a place to rent if overseas, what kind of start up money will you need, etc.

If you haven't lived away from home before it will be a big move for you but could be a great one, though obviously you will have to be resourceful and stand on your own two feet.It could be the breath of fresh air you need but as I say plan it out.Look at expat websites, jobs websites etc.

If staying in Ireland what new hobbies could you do in your community or are there any volunteering opportunities you could get involved in to give you a greater sense of purpose and meet new people.

The other thing is maybe you could go on a long holiday and that would settle the itchy feet.

Good luck,hope it all works out for you.

Idbatterim

as you are early thirties, could you even stomach sharing? the dublin situation is off the wall, I live here. I read the other day, that Belfast was the cheapest city in the uk, not sure if they were on about rent or overall etc? but there could be worth a try, at least you are still on the same island, if it doesnt work out...

Put it this way, its the second biggest city on this island, and the rents are probably quite affordable...

Get yourself to Granada, Spain my friend.

Granada is class alright!

Daisy78

NIMAN wrote: »

There seems to be a belief on threads like this that rural Ireland is like something from the Twilight Zone, with inhabitants like those in the film Deliverance. A place where nothing ever happens and no-one socialises.

I grew up in a city, and now live rurally. There are plenty of things to do if you want to. People tend to be a lot friendlier than city folk, and more welcoming. I think when people say that rural life is dull, suffocating etc, it says more about them than the area. Nothing is going to come to you in your house, get out there and make an effort. If you move to Dublin and sit in your rental, it'll be just the same.

And yet he has found it not to work for him. Rural Ireland is great for people who are married with kids, but not if you are single and especially not if you have no interest in the GAA or pub, which are the two main outlets for socialising. It's limited in terms of the variety of options when it comes to clubs, hobbies, places to socialise, etc. That coupled with the fact that narrow minded attitudes can prevail makes a tough place to be if you are young and single.

I'd say that you should give it a shot. A friend of mind emigrated to North America a couple of years ago. She was living in a city here with a good job but felt she was stuck in a rut and wanted a change.She felt that if she didn't go she would be in the same place doing the same things twenty years from now. She decided she would go for two years, if she didn't like it after that she would come home and at least had some experience of living abroad. Turns out it was the best thing she could have done and is settled there 6 years.

That's not to say that you should emigrate, there are plenty of options within Ireland, places like Galway or Cork could offer you the opportunities you are after without having to go further afield. If you can seek out people who have made the move, ask them about the good and the bad, what would they do differently, to get the full picture so you are fully informed when you do make your decision. Best of luck!

Daisy78

PressRun wrote: »

And country folk are narrow-minded?
I know plenty of people who don't fit this mould and live in rural parts, and think nothing of it. Likewise, I know Dublin folk who fit your mould very well indeed. Ireland doesn't begin and end with the capital

There will always be exceptions but as someone who grew up in rural Ireland I agree completely with Emme's assessment, particularly if you are a woman. There are parts of rural Ireland that haven't moved on from the 1950's. Unless you are white, straight and pretty conventional in the way that you live I would venture to say that rural Ireland is not for you. Also there are other cities apart from Dublin, the OP is not restricted to Dublin you know!

killanena

I would recommend Galway city. Great night life and always some event going on. Loads of friendly people to meet from all over the country as some do stick around after college.
Rent is high but not as bad as Dublin. A full time minimum wage worker could live comfortably in a house share.

Pubs there aren't like the same old Irish country pub, as they need to draw interest to compete with the competition.

I don't live in Galway myself anymore but its my favourite place in this country to be personally.

PressRun

Daisy78 wrote: »

There will always be exceptions but as someone who grew up in rural Ireland I agree completely with Emme's assessment, particularly if you are a woman. There are parts of rural Ireland that haven't moved on from the 1950's. Unless you are white, straight and pretty conventional in the way that you live I would venture to say that rural Ireland is not for you. Also there are other cities apart from Dublin, the OP is not restricted to Dublin you know!

I grew up there too and do not agree with that assessment. And I know there are places other than Dublin. That was literally the point of my post. I told him to go travelling.