I finally did it - and I feel dirty

Hammer89

I'll set the scene: I'm in the driveway with the gun in my hand, holding it like a shotgun. I have my left hand on the underside of the shaft and the right one on the handle. I put my finger to the trigger and I know the potential repercussions of pulling it, especially if there's a witness who snitches on me.

I press the trigger gently and hear a loud noise which startles me - a loud noise that will definitely have attracted attention from nosey neighbours and have-a-go-heroes like Anne-Marie from number 49. Let's just say that if I'm ratted out, I know whose door to knock on first, but it's broad daylight and this is a job that cannot be done in darkness. I knew the risks.

I pulled the trigger again, but this time shot too close, so I wound splattering my own face with the matter. Half-an-hour later and I'm banged to rights if the guards or county council drive by. I'm banged to rights. I look like Travis Bickle at the end of Taxi Driver but, instead, of blood all over me it's muck.

Yep, instead of washing away the filth on the streets I power washed the weeds from my driveway and in doing so broke the hosepipe ban. Do I give a f*ck? No not really. Report me if you like. Don't care. I'll take the €120.00 fine. It's a small price to pay for living in a home free of Dandelions, Shepherds Purse, Nutsedge, Canadian Thistle and the 500 other types of species that were growing in my driveway.

I'm not trying to glamourise what I did, but I'd do it again because you know what lads? Sometimes you just have say 'f*ck the man' and do what's best for you.

ED E

Boom_Bap

valoren

I have my left hand on the underside of the shaft and the right one on the handle. I put my finger to the trigger and I know the potential repercussions of pulling it, especially if there's a witness who snitches on me.

I press the trigger gently and hear a loud noise which startles me - a loud noise

Read like a Danger ****.

bullvine

You are fullofsh*t.. you connected it up to the water butt didnt ya!

verycool

Agent Smith

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'll set the scene: I'm in the driveway with the gun in my hand, holding it like a shotgun. I have my left hand on the underside of the shaft and the right one on the handle. I put my finger to the trigger and I know the potential repercussions of pulling it, especially if there's a witness who snitches on me.

I press the trigger gently and hear a loud noise which startles me - a loud noise that will definitely have attracted attention from nosey neighbours and have-a-go-heroes like Anne-Marie from number 49. Let's just say that if I'm ratted out, I know whose door to knock on first, but it's broad daylight and this is a job that cannot be done in darkness. I knew the risks.

I pulled the trigger again, but this time shot too close, so I wound splattering my own face with the matter. Half-an-hour later and I'm banged to rights if the guards or county council drive by. I'm banged to rights. I look like Travis Bickle at the end of Taxi Driver but, instead, of blood all over me it's muck.

Yep, instead of washing away the filth on the streets I power washed the weeds from my driveway and in doing so broke the hosepipe ban. Do I give a f*ck? No not really. Report me if you like. Don't care. I'll take the €120.00 fine. It's a small price to pay for living in a home free of Dandelions, Shepherds Purse, Nutsedge, Canadian Thistle and the 500 other types of species that were growing in my driveway.

I'm not trying to glamourise what I did, but I'd do it again because you know what lads? Sometimes you just have say 'f*ck the man' and do what's best for you.

Great thread title. Unfunny and vaguely irritating post.

verycool

Deleted User wrote: »

Great thread title. Unfunny and vaguely irritating post.

I give it a Buzzfeed out of Joe.ie. :pac:

Hammer89

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Great thread title. Unfunny and vaguely irritating post.

I think it's witty and very creative personally, but I'm bias sure.

seagull

Personally, I'd rate it almost as funny as piles.

SEPT 23 1989

Tough crowd in here tonight OP

somefeen

Good thing you didn't mention the dirty spoon

biko

You should write click bait titles for a living, it's very popular these days.

Birneybau

Deleted User wrote: »

Great thread title. Unfunny and vaguely irritating post.

Nothing vaguely about it

artanevilla

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

Pyr0

Wait, I'm confused about the story. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

0ph0rce0

You now qualify to change your employment title on Facebook to "FULL TIME MAD BASTARD"

thereitisgone

Whats the name of the thread he is trying to copy from a few years ago, it was like a sam spud type story, he was a super hero who shot everyone

Birneybau

thereitisgone wrote: »

Whats the name of the thread he is trying to copy from a few years ago, it was like a sam spud type story, he was a super hero who shot everyone

Trent

Hammer89

thereitisgone wrote: »

Whats the name of the thread he is trying to copy from a few years ago, it was like a sam spud type story, he was a super hero who shot everyone

Yeah I ripped it off completely because obviously stories about super heroes shooting everyone and power-cleaning a driveway are identical.

Plus, this actually happened.

Hammer89

artanevilla wrote: »

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

Seeing his grandson graduate from an I.T course?

Westernyelp

This is what passes for living on the edge now?

aaronjumper

If you feel dirty after using the hose then you did it wrong.

Peatys

r/madlads

Dr Turk Turkelton

Don't worry op hosepipe ban is only for poor people.
If it was meant for normal people it would be a whole lot more than the pennies of a fine it is.

Donald Trump

Hammer89 wrote: »

Seeing his grandson graduate from an I.T course?

Carlow IT no less






(If there was ever an oxymoron it's that. What technology do they have down there - dif they figure out this new-fangled fire thing yet?)

Pac1Man

You're lucky OP. This thread has been saved by the GIFs.

Star Bingo

Pac1Man wrote: »

You're lucky OP. This thread has been saved by the GIFs.

This is why we can’t have high things

Kevin Finnerty

I saw you Hammer. Don't for one second think it went unnoticed.

Pinch Flat

Hammer time

Star Bingo

I saw Mike Hammer

I couldn’t stay a cop. All those rules and regulations drove me bugs. I had a more direct method for dealing with the weeds that preyed upon society I just killed their damn asses - killed them in a way that was nice and legal. Self-defense it’s called and it catches in the craw of your typical self-righteous judge but none of them and nobody else could do a damn thing about it. They couldn’t even take my license away, because I knew just how to play it