Unusual situation

Shiritoru

First of all, I want to tell that I'm writing here not because I want to complain about what happened. But today I was shocked and somewhat even traumatized, and I want to share this story. Just to get it out from my head.

I was in a shopping centre, sitting on a bench, waiting for my partner, because I was tired and he wanted to browse some books in a shop nearby. So I peacefully waited for him, chatting and browsing with my mobile.
Suddenly a boy, who passed by with his parents (I think that these were his parents, since he had a clear resemblance between him and woman) climbed onto the bench next to me. I'm not sure about his age - he looked about five years old, very subtle, but cute.
I do not have my own kids, but I'm totally ok with them. And I know that parents may not like the special attention to their children from strangers, so I did not react to this child.
He climbed onto the bench, then turned to me, threw himself at me, grabbed my hair in a fist and pulled REALLY hard. I cried out in pain and shock. I did not expect this. The boy's parents ran up to us and began to tear his hands away from me. I could not understand what was happening. They took him away from me. They asked me if I was "OK". I said that it hurts. Only now I understand that I could instinctively throw this boy away from me. Not because I wanted. Just impulsively, to end the unexpected pain. It's good that this did not happen. I would not forgive myself for hurting a child.

I saw them later in a shopping centre. I think this boy could be somekind "special" (sorry, I don't know a specific term), based on his behavior. I know parents could have uneasy times with any child. Usually I am totally ok about kid's tantrums, playful noise and screaming. They are children, and it is normal for them to be more active than adults. Maybe I'm selfish in current situation, but really, I do not want this to concern me this way.

Cash_Q

It sounds to me like he has some sort of special need, the shock of it probably stayed with you to prompt you to post about it. It doesn't sound like his parents did much to address it, and maybe it's because they're burnt out from this happening frequently throughout the day. It could be that he's on a behaviour programme whereby they give zero attention - positive or negative - to such outbursts, and reprimanding him/encouraging him to apologise could be reinforcing the behaviour and prompting it to continue. Hope you're feeling ok today.

sexmag

Sounds like he has special needs and had an out burst.

Parents of children with special needs can't predict or stop every out burst. We can all agree children shouldn't do that but It's good they asked where you ok and apologised, they were probably mortified and will be stricter regarding their child's movements in the future.

I hope you're ok, this incident will pass for you but the parents will have to live with their child with needs for the rest of their life. You did nothing wrong

Blaizes

Probably a child with special needs, no wonder you got a shock the unexpectedness of it all.Something similar happened a friend of mine, the child was autistic and just lunged at her.
Hope you're ok, an unpleasant situation for you but an eye opener all the same.Mind yourself and take care.

skallywag

It does indeed sound like a very upsetting experience.

I am assuming that the parents also issued some form of apology on the child's behalf, and it was not just a matter of asking you are you OK and then walking off? I know that it was very upsetting for you, but believe me it will be equally upsetting for them, perhaps even more so depending on whether or not the child is making any positive progress or not.

It's certainly very difficult being the parent of a child with special needs, and having to explain such outbursts to strangers can be soul destroying and humiliating.

Shiritoru

Many thanks to all who answered to me and supported me. Reading all the messages, I calmed down and brought my thoughts in order. Lat week was very difficult to me, and this situation was just the apogee of everything.
  I really sympathize with the parents of this boy. And yes, they apologized, although I could not fully appreciate it at that moment.
  I hope this is an extremely rare case and I will not get into this kind of situation any more.

LegacyUser

Shiritoru wrote: »

Many thanks to all who answered to me and supported me. Reading all the messages, I calmed down and brought my thoughts in order. Lat week was very difficult to me, and this situation was just the apogee of everything.
  I really sympathize with the parents of this boy. And yes, they apologized, although I could not fully appreciate it at that moment.
  I hope this is an extremely rare case and I will not get into this kind of situation any more.

Shiritoru wrote: »

Many thanks to all who answered to me and supported me. Reading all the messages, I calmed down and brought my thoughts in order. Lat week was very difficult to me, and this situation was just the apogee of everything.
  I really sympathize with the parents of this boy. And yes, they apologized, although I could not fully appreciate it at that moment.
  I hope this is an extremely rare case and I will not get into this kind of situation any more.

Had to post. The kid obviously has special needs, these”outbursts “ might be happening many times a day, but the parents I imagine are doing their best to keep control of the child. I hope you are not suggesting the child should be kept at home away from the public just because they have behavioral issues, caused by their special needs( sounds like intellectual disability by the way so the kid most likely is not in control of his own feelings/ body)..
this was not about you but about you witnessing a child with special needs, first hand.

skallywag

To be fair to the OP there was never even a hint that they think that this child should be kept at home because of this behavior.

OP, I think it's perfectly understandable to feel in such away after such a disturbing incident, and it's also nice to see that you have empathy for the child's parents.

Cash_Q

SothSowhat wrote:

I hope you are not suggesting the child should be kept at home away from the public.

Nothing OP said suggested this whatsoever.

I'm a teacher in a special school and would have experienced similar outbursts frequently, it never gets easier or less shocking. OP had a tough week and this just compounded things.

Shiritoru

I really do not understand why anyone could think that I advise keeping children with similar nuances of behavior at home.
 When the primary shock passed, did I think that parents should be are more attentive to the actions of their child? Yes, I thought about it. I'm an ordinary person. I experience emotions.
  But when I realized that this is not just an ill-mannered boy, and everything is much deeper. And rising him is hard everyday work for his parents. I did not even have a thought that they should lock the child at home. We all live in a society.
There are different people around us. And there are different situations.

Shiritoru

Cash_Q wrote: »

Nothing OP said suggested this whatsoever.

I'm a teacher in a special school and would have experienced similar outbursts frequently, it never gets easier or less shocking. OP had a tough week and this just compounded things.

Thank you.

Could you please tell me, do such a schools have a volunteer /helpers programs or something like that?

Cash_Q

Shiritoru wrote:

Could you please tell me, do such a schools have a volunteer /helpers programs or something like that?

We don't have any volunteers as such but we have a regular intake of transition year students and student teachers coming in. There are sports clubs for children and adults wirh special needs that are often crying out for volunteers. You could look up something like that?

JustAThought

Cash_Q wrote: »

We don't have any volunteers as such but we have a regular intake of transition year students and student teachers coming in. There are sports clubs for children and adults wirh special needs that are often crying out for volunteers. You could look up something like that?

I dont think this is great advice - the OP was shocked and traumatised by this one event - exposing a well intended but not trained and poorly adjusted person to.this kind of non stop violent and unpredictable behaviour without training or experience can hardly be the best for them or the family/child - particularly given how traumatised s/he was here. Far better that she move on and put it behind her.
Of course there is always the chance that far from being an autistic or special needs child that it was simply a brat. Enough of them out there being dragged around shopping centers in lieu of a.life or appropriate childhood activities and behaving like uninterrupted savages .

Cash_Q

JustAThought wrote:

I dont think this is great advice - the OP was shocked and traumatised by this one event - exposing a well intended but not trained and poorly adjusted person to.this kind of non stop violent and unpredictable behaviour without training or experience can hardly be the best for them or the family/child - particularly given how traumatised s/he was here. Far better that she move on .

Excuse me my comment was a direct reply to OP asking me a question.

Such organisations wouldn't take on a volunteer without training.

OP asking me this question suggested to me that he/She is open to learning more about individuals with special needs

Shiritoru

Cash_Q wrote: »

We don't have any volunteers as such but we have a regular intake of transition year students and student teachers coming in. There are sports clubs for children and adults wirh special needs that are often crying out for volunteers. You could look up something like that?

Thank you. Yes, I'm interested. It may not go far, but I have to try.

Shiritoru

JustAThought wrote: »

I dont think this is great advice - the OP was shocked and traumatised by this one event - exposing a well intended but not trained and poorly adjusted person to.this kind of non stop violent and unpredictable behaviour without training or experience can hardly be the best for them or the family/child - particularly given how traumatised s/he was here. Far better that she move on and put it behind her.
Of course there is always the chance that far from being an autistic or special needs child that it was simply a brat. Enough of them out there being dragged around shopping centers in lieu of a.life or appropriate childhood activities and behaving like uninterrupted savages .

Thank you for your opinion. Maybe you're right. However, I would like to try to do something in this direction. We'll see how it goes.

Plopsu

Shiritoru wrote: »

Thank you for your opinion. Maybe you're right. However, I would like to try to do something in this direction. We'll see how it goes.

Children with special needs are not violent or unpredictable 'non-stop'. Even the most violent I've ever heard of was not 'non-stop'.
That is not to say that they cannot be both. Realistically, if you are working with them there will be times when you will get hit.

Cash_Q

Plopsu wrote:

Children with special needs are not violent or unpredictable 'non-stop'. Even the most violent I've ever heard of was not 'non-stop'. That is not to say that they cannot be both. Realistically, if you are working with them there will be times when you will get hit.

What you are saying is unbalanced and unfair. The first part I agree with, but not the second. The school I work in is attended by almost 100 students who all have special needs, and there is only one child in the school who occasionally hits others. It is entirely dependent on the special need, the intervention received by the child, and the circumstances/environment/demands placed on the person.

OP please don't let that comment put you off, there are not times where you "will" get hit. I speak from 10 years experience of working with children and young people with special needs, across 5 different schools. If you are in any way interested in working or volunteering with individuals with special needs then you are already halfway there, to want to be in their lives is a gesture in itself, so many others wouldn't even consider it. I am privileged to do the work that I do and my life is enriched on a daily basis by the children whose lives I get to share. I would do it for free if I could afford to, and I count my lucky stars every day that I walk into the school.

Knine

As a mammy of a child with significant special needs I can tell you it is not easy. Summer Holidays are a killer. There is often no respite, no rest, today in particular I am absolutely exhausted. It is 24/7

However I ensure she would never attack another person or be left in a situation where this would happen. I also did challenging behaviour courses etc to help deal with it.

But last week we went on a short break in a mobile home. An Autistic child came running in and grabbed our small dog in a headlock and proceeded to try to kiss her. No sign of any parents and he tend drank all our drinks. I had to try to keep him there until I could find someone to look after him. He did not interact with us at all. Was only interested in the dog. I never did see them either. A teenager eventually had to carry him off. No apology from his mammy. Nothing. The dog could have bitten his face off.

So parenting/Carer skills do come into it. Remember some parents of younger kids are still also finding their feet.

Cash_Q

Knine for sure I agree with your points 100%

I can't imagine what it's like to parent a child with special needs, and those who do it well devote themselves to their kids

Sounds like that kid you encountered on holiday could do with more support, as could his parents

Plopsu

Cash_Q wrote: »

What you are saying is unbalanced and unfair. The first part I agree with, but not the second. The school I work in is attended by almost 100 students who all have special needs, and there is only one child in the school who occasionally hits others. It is entirely dependent on the special need, the intervention received by the child, and the circumstances/environment/demands placed on the person.

OP please don't let that comment put you off, there are not times where you "will" get hit. I speak from 10 years experience of working with children and young people with special needs, across 5 different schools. If you are in any way interested in working or volunteering with individuals with special needs then you are already halfway there, to want to be in their lives is a gesture in itself, so many others wouldn't even consider it. I am privileged to do the work that I do and my life is enriched on a daily basis by the children whose lives I get to share. I would do it for free if I could afford to, and I count my lucky stars every day that I walk into the school.

Well if we're waving our experience around, I have twelve years. And mines been 24/7 not nine to five. My own has hit others (including staff) at the school as have others there. Also as the parent of a child with special needs, most of the other people I've known in the past decade are also SN parents and that wouldn't be particularly unusual. If you've actually worked that long with SN kids and never had one lash out at you, you should probably do the lotto this weekend (seriously, it's a big jackpot).
Actually never heard of a school with 100 SN pupils. Somebody's done remarkably well to resource that.
Yes, of course behavior depends on the child (think I pretty much said that). I'm not try to put the OP off, I think it's remarkable that she's thinking of doing it. I also think it's best to go into something like this with as much perspective as possible. Now she has two people's very different experiences.

Cash_Q

Plopsu wrote:

Realistically, if you are working with them there will be times when you will get hit.

Plopsu wrote:

Well if we're waving our experience around, I have twelve years. And mines been 24/7 not nine to five. My own has hit others (including staff) at the school as have others there. Also as the parent of a child with special needs, most of the other people I've known in the past decade are also SN parents and that wouldn't be particularly unusual. If you've actually worked that long with SN kids and never had one lash out at you, you should probably do the lotto this weekend (seriously, it's a big jackpot). Actually never heard of a school with 100 SN pupils. Somebody's done remarkably well to resource that. Yes, of course behavior depends on the child (think I pretty much said that). I'm not try to put the OP off, I think it's remarkable that she's thinking of doing it. I also think it's best to go into something like this with as much perspective as possible. Now she has two people's very different experiences.

Not at all intended to 'throw my experience around. ' The point I disagreed with was that working with kids with special needs means OP *will* get hit. Not true, not a certainty at all.

The school I teach in is a special school, special schools only enrol students with special needs. Depending on the category of school, the ratios of staff:students differ. In Dublin and surrounding areas it is not unusual at all to have 100 students in a special school. Not resourced by "somebody" but funded by the Department of Education, like almost every special school in the country.

I never said I've never had a child 'lash out at me' I have spent this past school year being slapped, kicked, spit on and pushed by ONE child out of 100, this is my point. Not ALL children will have physical outbursts hence not fair to say op WILL get hit.

When you replied to my comment saying it was terrible advice to suggest volunteering, that sounded pretty off putting to me, whether you intended it to be off putting or not.

MissShihTzu

This reminded me of an incident that happened to me a couple of weeks ago...

I had just parked up in a shopping centre, and walked in with my keys in my hand. I hadn't yet put them away. Suddenly a little boy who had been sitting on a bench with (presumably) his father, literally leapt forward and snatched the keys from my hand!

Shocked doesn't even cover it. It was so unexpected. I instinctively snatched the keys back, only to have him try to grab them again! At this point, the father rushed forward full of apologies and was trying to explain to me - English wasn't his first language. At this point I understood - the child is special needs and has a thing about shiny things/keys.

Fortunately, neither of us were hurt, but I can certainly understand the shock the OP felt. I hope she can move past this and carry on.