18 and feel like a total loser

Fluffypanda

I had bad social anxiety disorder for years & people in my year picked on me a lot or thought I was too weird to join their cliques. I went to a small school in an isolated area, so I haven’t had the chance to befriend people outside of school. As of now, I have literally no one to ask to go to the cinema or for a drink with. I hate it because I love going out, the same as everyone else does.

I feel quite hurt, as a girl I sat with in several classes and spoke to most days at school had her 18th last night & she invited the whole year, bar me. I’m pretty surprised, as I was invited to and went to several other 18th’s during 6th year. I thought my year were more accepting of me now, as I’m quite normal, but I guess there’s no shaking my shy, weird girl reputation. I’m also, like another poster I saw, fretting my Debs as I bought 2 tickets & a dress several months ago.

I’m sorry for the big rant here, I just feel so miserable.

racso1975

OK well when's the debs?

Are you hoping to go college or what are you doing now school is finished?

NiceFella

Don't be sorry for expressing yourself. Unfortunately school can be tough on some people weather it be that you get stuck with a bunch of superficial types or just never meet someone who is like you. I wasn't all that popular in school either looking back and yeah you get to feeling abit lonely. But sometimes your better for it, so long as it doesn't make you bitter. You should know yourself quite well and know what you want and we all have to learn that in life. You still are young and I know how you feel frustrated but ask yourself what do ye want to do. Go to college maybe or work for abit if you are unsure. Exciting times ahead I think. I met some of my best friends in college and work. Don't worry you'll get there. And remember always back yourself. Don't let anyone let ye feel insecure ( I don't mean in an agressive way, just having enough self respect to not care about other people's negativity). You'll be grand, take care. Ps
I went to the debs by myself and had a good time. Lots of others do too. You'll probably enjoy it regardless!

Devia

Are you going on to 3rd level? A lot of people only come out of their shell in college. Either that or get yourself a job, make friends in work, save money, go traveling and meet new people. You're only starting out in adulthood and have loads ahead of you. I'd give anything to be 18 again.

Fluffypanda

A big thanks to both of you for your kind responses!
I’ll be heading to UCC to do Arts hopefully & intend on “ turning my life around” so to speak. I’ll be living away from home (love my family, but am ecstatic to get out of my hometown/village). I plan on traveling a lot & will hopefully get to do Erasmus as a I want to continue studying Spanish in college.

CopperLady

Fluffypanda wrote: »

A big thanks to both of you for your kind responses!
I’ll be heading to UCC to do Arts hopefully & intend on “ turning my life around” so to speak. I’ll be living away from home (love my family, but am ecstatic to get out of my hometown/village). I plan on traveling a lot & will hopefully get to do Erasmus as a I want to continue studying Spanish in college.

I was the only girl in my year to go to UCC (I moved across the country) and was also considered 'weird' by my year. I was quiet and had no common interests with any of them (I was a bit more mature in a lot of ways to be honest). Don't take their opinions to heart, they're based on nonsense! School can be a very closed off place from the real world. UCC is a great place and I carved out a brand new life in Cork, so so can you! I have a brilliant social life now and love it here.

Cork is a good place for quirky and quiet types, join some clubs and socs and you'll be flying! It was a breath of fresh air to get away from my hometown and to be somewhere where I could be myself and no-one knew me.

I can't offer much advice on the debs as I didn't bother with mine (no regrets).

Don't worry, things will get better.

NinetyTwoTeam

That's so crappy what that girl did, but screw her, who would want to be friends with someone who would deliberately ostracize one person that obviously already has trouble socializing? I wouldn't want to celebrate the birth of a cow like her!

It will get so much better once you get away from that town and its pathetic little bogger cliques and go to Cork.

And don't worry about the debs either, it seems super important when you're 18 but it certainly wasn't what I would consider a highlight of my life now. Well, that's mostly cuz I dyed my hair purple as a surprise to match my gf's dress and she threw a fit and cried and dumped me.

It won't be long before all this is in the past. Try and detach from it, social rejection can really sting, but think about who it is doing the rejecting and get some perspective on it - what makes these people so great that their opinion matters so much. They're just a bunch of 18 year old dumbarses, don't heed them and focus on the future, you have your whole life ahead of you and amazing experiences to come, Cork is class, I'm an artist and I got into Crawford and i regret not going there, I'd move to Cork in the morning if I could.

So don't get down about this nonsense right now, get excited for Cork bai!

J. Smith

I'm 10 years out of secondary school – and BELIEVE me, none of that sh*t means anything now! You just don't see that yet because it's been you're life for so many years!!!!!

NONE OF IT MEANS A THING! BE shy, BE weird! Embrace YOU!!!! The best is LITERALLY yet to come!!!!!!!!!

juneg

Ah pet. I'm sending you a big hug!
Secondary School can be stressful because you're all the time trying to fit in. You're about to be released from that soon. In college you can just be yourself

firstlight

At the end of the day the best friends you will ever have is family
I always say my dogs too
Friends will come and go
You will meet plenty of new people in college and perhaps find a friend or friends for life
Just go with the flow and see what happens,enjoy your life and go the cinemas on your own,I often have and it never bothered me

Fluffypanda

Thank you all for your kind answers, I feel a lot better now xxx

iamwhoiam

Fluffypanda wrote: »

Thank you all for your kind answers, I feel a lot better now xxx

The girl who invited a whole year and left you out is the one who should feel crappy . What a horrible thing to do and it says a lot about her . I would much rather spend time with you OP than with someone who could do that to another

Mongfinder General

I hated the last year of school. I couldn’t wait to get out. I wasn’t popular. I wasn’t unpopular but I didn’t really like being there. You are 18. You can do absolutely anything. College will be great. Nobody will know you and you will be treated like an adult. And remember, you don’t have to be friends with everybody just to feel normal or like you fit in.

Hercule Poirot

When I went to school OP there were over a hundred people in year, I'm in my mid-thirties now and there is only one of them that I'm still on regular contact with.

I was in my early twenties before I became comfortable with who I was, and more importantly, realising that if people don't like me then it's their problem and not mine

It may seem hard right now because you're currently in there, you might feel claustrophobic and you may feel alone but there is a whole wide world out there just waiting to meet you when you're ready for it.

LegacyUser

Hi. Please dont feel like a loser! You seem pleasant and articulate so we could do with more people like u! People can be nasty( i know its not a nice feeling to be left out) but there are plenty more nice people in the world. College is full of wierd people (like me) so youll fit right in!

Dont worry about the debs either. I asked a girl in my year to my debs. Got a few cringy photos taken early in the day. Then she went off with another lad during the night (lol!). Looking back now (im 25) i feel that i should have went on my own or else just not bother going!! All totally unimportant and irrelevant looking back now. Youll probably feel the same in a few years time. Most people only cared about their own looks and dates and didnt really mind everybody else.

Enjoy the next few years

Redser87

You'll be amazed at how different college is - everyone finds their own niche and can be themselves. Great that you're considering Erasmus too, it's a brilliant experience. Clubs and societies are great for finding like minded people so join whichever ones YOU are interested in, not the ones that are necessarily the most popular. And don't mind that little cow who didn't invite you, nobody needs somebody that mean in their lives. Best of luck to you x

Oh and also if you are fretting about having bought the dress and it going to waste, don't worry, college societies run loads of balls! If you choose not to go to your debs it's not the end of the world.

lazygal

I'm twice your age OP and I hope I don't come across as patronising but I could have written this type of post 18 years ago. I never fitted into school, the academics weren't any bother but the social/friend side of things never worked out for me. College was the makings of me. I studied subjects I enjoyed and met a much wider network. One of my closest friends is a guy I met when I joined one of the societies in the first week of first year. I didn't go to my debs and if you don't want to go, don't. I have never regretted not having a night in a bog standard hotel with people I didn't particularly want to see after I left school.
Whatever you're doing now, put school behind you. It's a six year trial for many people and now you're free. Channel your energy into you and what makes you happy.

Fluffypanda

Thank you all so much! I don’t know how to thank each of you individually, but I’m very grateful for your kind responses. I’m quite lucky, in that I ran into a girl from my year yesterday at work and we got chatting. She invited me to her house for predrinks & photos before the debs, so I feel relaxed about it now.
Roll on college

J. Smith

Fluffypanda wrote: »

Thank you all so much! I don’t know how to thank each of you individually, but I’m very grateful for your kind responses. I’m quite lucky, in that I ran into a girl from my year yesterday at work and we got chatting. She invited me to her house for predrinks & photos before the debs, so I feel relaxed about it now.
Roll on college

WOOOHOOOOO!! That's great news! Hope you have the best life! Good luck!

Mr. Incognito

Hey there

Trust me I was one of the weird ones.

I introduced myself to everyone in my lectures in college and made a big effort the first week and ended up working in the college bar, captaining the college pool team and getting to know half of the college.

The weird ones become the most interesting adults because they have their own interests and hobbies and have empathy for people.

You will be great. College and Arts in particular is a lot of fun. God I wish I could do it all over again.