How to move on and stop being jealous

LegacyUser

I'm an unmarried lady in my late 30s. I realise I'm a very bitter human being and I know I'm slowly turning into my mother. My mother is a very backwards in life. I grew up listening to my parents fight. My dad was having an affair and I would hear my mother call his mistress a tramp. It's been over 20 years but I find myself calling my dad's partner a tramp. Not only that, I despise women, especially the women in my family. My sister has always done well for herself. I cannot stand my sister. I find I have to be in competition with her with everything. My employer takes advantage of me, I work 50 hours a week for 250euro. I can't seem to make positive changes but I'm more consumed with my sister. I'm really jealous with how well she's doing. She has multiple holidays a year, and
has just bought a brand new car. I done some horrible things towards her and when she reacted to what I did, I sent her some vile abuse calling her a whore. I'm unmarried and sleeping with men myself. I need help before I get in trouble.

Rubberchikken

You seem to have reached the stage where you recognise your faults and failings so maybe now you can start to change things.

Your sister is doing well. Good for her. Your employer is overworking and underpaying you so either discuss a pay rise or find another job.
Yes your mother was angry with your dad for cheating on her and yes she probably hated the woman he was with but the woman he's with now diesnt deserve to be called names.

It takes strength to admit you're jealous. Its a natural feeling but a horrible one and as you're realising it can eat you up.
Consider speaking to a professional. It might help to talk things through. Good luck

LolaJJ

It seems really wrong that you would be working 50 hours a week for €250. This is well below the minimum wage and I am guessing from your age that this isn't some kind of internship program.

It does indicate you have a strong work-ethic. I would strongly advise trying to find a new job. Allowing yourself to be taken advantage of in this way is not going to help your outlook on the world.

Jealously comes from comparing yourself to other people. Try not do that. Try to live in the moment and think about all the things that you do have that you can be grateful for. It might just be small things, a roof over your head, food in your belly - but some people don't have that.

Also, maybe try to be happy for your sister - she grew up in the same environment as you and has found a way to overcome it, perhaps you could use it as motivation or inspiration to do the same. I would also consider apologising for the "whore" remark. You might be surprised how much better you will feel. Maybe even explain to her that you're struggling and have been suffering jealously, she might become a helpful friend.

lastly, there is NOTHING wrong with sleeping with men when you are unmarried, as long as you are being safe and careful.

Neyite

Your jealousy is probably rooted in being embarrassed at your own crap employment.


September is looming - and a great time of year to look into courses that could enable you to change careers or enhance your CV so you are a more attractive candidate in a new job. So look up local courses, pick one and just go for it. You'll be busy between work and the course you'll have little time to sit and brood over things, plus you'll feel empowered working towards a professional goal for you.



I'm sure that when you are in a job where you feel appreciated and where you feel you are getting a good wage for the effort you do, you'll feel a lot happier and less jealous of your sister. Then you can work on mending things with her.


You grew up with a warped view of relationships - work on fixing that, ideally with counselling. You seem to judge everyone by your mother's morals. It's fine to hold those morals if that's your thing, but not to judge others nor to be hypocritical and name call others for the very 'sins' you yourself are committing.



Often the biggest step you can take in life is to realise something is wrong and want to fix it. You've done that now, you are starting to wake up and question what you've been brainwashed with all your life.

The second smaller step is just to put that foot forward, make that small change and not let yourself talk yourself out of starting that change.