My friends child is a brat

LegacyUser

My friend, who I see quite regularly, has two young children, the oldest one is nice, he can have tantrums like any kid but he's a good child and has a nice little personality, the younger one is a little brat and im finding it increasingly hard to be around him. She's a stay at home mum and her husband works long hours so when I meet her she has her children with her.
Theyre both very spoiled, they were taken on two holidays this year, and were also in a few different local Summer camps. Multiple times a week theyre taken to play centers, the zoo, theme parks, taken out for lunch or dinner, they have ipads and an xbox, netfilx, always bought toys and given treats, they have the best clothes to wear and they don't appreciate anything. The childrens god parent and grandparents also spoil the children with expensive toys and clothes.
When they want something they get it and if they dont get it straight away they throw a tantrum and end up getting their own way regardless.
The younger one is spoiled more than the older one. If the older one has something the younger one wants he screams for it and instead of chastising the younger one my friend shouts at the older child to give whatever it is he has to the younger boy. Now the younger child thumps, elbows, punches and kicks his older brother when he wants something his older has. For instance the older boy was playing on his ipad, he had only been using it less than a minute when the younger child started screaming that he wanted it, he then started beating his brother to give him the ipad which resulted in him getting his way.
The older child is covered in bruises and my friend admits this is down to the younger child attacking him yet she doesnt seem to be concerned by this.
The younger child never seems to be happy, he is always moody, he's very entitled and nothing is ever good enough for him.
When the kids are bored they cant make their own fun or entertain themselves and theyre not encouraged too, instead theyre given an ipad or taken on a trip to the cinema or a play center.
When im with my friend the younger child is constantly whining for her attention, we cant have a conversation because he gets angry when the attention is not on him. Hes not hyperactive and has no attention problems or learning deficits so its not a case of ADHD or some other disability, he is just incredibly spoiled. She's admitted herself that no other children in the area will play with her boys as they cant play fairly, if they dont get their way they become angry. She doesnt see them as being spoiled, she just thinks theyre very sensitive and doesnt seem to be concerned about her children not being able to make or keep friends.
He's also rude to adults and has no manners, if I say hello or goodbye to the younger child he just stares at me with a deadpan expression on his face. He doesnt ask for things, he demands things and is even rude to service staff, he seems to have a consistently demanding tone in his voice, he doesnt say please or thankyou, he gets what he wants, snaps it away and still isnt happy. Dont get me wrong im always nice to the child, its not his fault that he's like this but politeness is a basic social skill that should be instilled in children and although he's young he's old enough to know better, he acts like he's 2 or 3 years of age when infact he's much older than this. He will grow up and go out into a world where everything will not go his way, he wont get everything he wants and he wont be happy. He has also developed a nasty little streak which will only cause him more problems down the line.

I understand its none of my business how somebody else raises their children and ive not said anything to her but im finding it increasingly difficult to hold my tongue. What would you do in that situation?

GreeBo

Is he in school yet?

That sort of behaviour often gets knocked on the head in school as the other kids wont stand for it and will just ignore him.

professore

Not much you can do OP. This is how horrible adults are made. Just keep him away from your kids and teach your kids to not put up with them. Pretty much impossible to stay friends when you have kids too in my experience as they will always be wrong according to the parents even if the little Saint is kicking them in the head repeatedly.

Ghekko

Organise to meet this friend without her kids being there, even if it's less frequently. Meet in evenings or weekend evenings when her husband is home. I personally couldn't tolerate this kind of behaviour and would find myself disliking the child more each time I'd be in his company if he continued this carry on. However it's your choice to be in his company or not, so from now on leave the kids out of your social gathering. If you have kids too you certainly don't want them thinking that this behaviour is acceptable.

Dtp1979

There’s nothibg you can do op. The woman is simply a bad parent. An idiot for want of a better word. Meet her on her own if the kid bothers you

Big Bag of Chips

Honestly, I'd hate to spend my leisure time, meeting up with a friend, putting up with that sort of carry on. You must come away from every meeting with her stressed to the eyeballs. What are you even getting from the friendship? Or are you meeting up with her out of a sense of duty?

I would think watching my friend allowing that sort of carry on on an I going basis would have a serious impact on my feelings about her. The child is just being a child, doing what has always worked for him. She is the one facilitating it, and also expecting her friends to be happy to have their limited free time spent tolerating it.

In your shoes I think I'd be "busy" next time she wanted to meet for lunch, and the time after that, and the time after that.... etc., etc.

KaiserLu

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Honestly, I'd hate to spend my leisure time, meeting up with a friend, putting up with that sort of carry on. You must come away from every meeting with her stressed to the eyeballs. What are you even getting from the friendship? Or are you meeting up with her out of a sense of duty?

I would think watching my friend allowing that sort of carry on on an I going basis would have a serious impact on my feelings about her. The child is just being a child, doing what has always worked for him. She is the one facilitating it, and also expecting her friends to be happy to have their limited free time spent tolerating it.

In your shoes I think I'd be "busy" next time she wanted to meet for lunch, and the time after that, and the time after that.... etc., etc.

We had a friend who, when he didn’t get his way, folded his arms and went into a huff for around hour. When I met his parents I copped why- he was spoiled/worshipped to within an inch of his life.

Eventually everyone stopped hanging around with him.

He was 33.


My point is that the real world/ school will catch up with that child or he’ll say the wrong thing to the wrong person and end up with his head shoved up his hole.


Don’t worry. See the next time you meet them as an opportunity to practice detachment and tolerance. If you can tolerate thar little ****, god knows you’ll tolerate plenty!!

con___manx1

A kid like that would have been batterd in the primary school i attended.
Kids nowadays are such geeks.

jimbobaloobob

Behaviour like this is the fault of parenting or lack of.
Le non du pere

Nothing you can do OP as your not in the position of authority over the children