Please help..problems with Sex

littlebubble25

So me and my boyfriend are going out over a year now. Everything is great and I’m really attracted to him. As far as I know he feels the same way. Up until about 2 weeks ago our sex life was amazing but now anytime we have sex he goes soft inside me. The thing is he can still ‘get there’ when we do other things but not anymore through sex. We’ve talked about it and he said he doesn’t know what the problem is.
I don’t want to put him under any pressure because I know it won’t help the situation but don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice please help..I’m really starting to get worried about it now!

Mr. Incognito

Get a health check from his GP

Does he smoke. Could be circulation issues.

littlebubble25

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Get a health check from his GP

Does he smoke. Could be circulation issues.

No he doesn’t smoke and is a fairly fit and healthy guy..

tara73

these things are mostly psychological. some anxiety. and very often it's also subliminal so he might not be able to tell at first why is this happening.

Difficult stuff, if it's not going away he might talk to a counseller.

LegacyUser

any alcohol or drugs involved? any change in contraception set up or do you use condoms?

condoms and alcohol are sometimes not a good mix for men. and its nothing to do with how long you are together - for me, i find wearing a condom absolutely revolting and it makes sex pointless. my wife had to change her contraception a few years back so for one month there was a time where we had to use condoms - complete and utter turn off for me and they were a complete passion killer when i put them on. once we went back to the "natural" way, everything went back to normal.

if things are ok otherwise {you said he can finish by other means which means he is not going soft "outside"}, then its not a physical issue anyway. 2 weeks is not alot so how many times can it have happened and to be honest, you probably are putting pressure and over exaggerating it. if its happened once or twice and alcohol and condoms are involved, remove both from the set up {and remove the pressure also so take your time and ease into it} as a test and see how it goes.

littlebubble25

tara73 wrote: »

these things are mostly psychological. some anxiety. and very often it's also subliminal so he might not be able to tell at first why is this happening.

Difficult stuff, if it's not going away he might talk to a counseller.

I’m just so afraid that it’s me I love him and want to be with him so much. I’m worried that it’s happening because at the back of his mind he doesn’t want to be with me

0byme75341jo28

Is he on any medication? Antidepressants in particular can cause sexual side effects.

Dixie Chick

It is not you! He might just have things effecting him in his mind that are effecting this. Hopefully he is open to a health check on this as sadly the longer it goes on , the worse it can get and men can be bad about going to the doc for these things

blue note

This can just happen on a once off and then from worry about it happening again could repeat. And it doesn't even need to be a night where you're full of beer or stressed about something for the first time, it can be completely random.

I'd say try to plough through it would be the best course for a while. Hopefully you'll have a few successful times and it'll start to fade into memory.

But you not making a big deal of it would certainly help. I'm thankful that it's never happened to me, because I'm not sure how I'd react. I think I'd be okay about it now that I'm a little older, but in my 20s I think I'd have been very embarrassed by it. I'm expecting it to happen sometime though, they say powwow with "bigger packages" in particular can encounter this difficulty and I'd be fairly well endowed. Particularly in terms of girth, whereas I'd be probably just above average in length.

littlebubble25

Kadence Shy Bubble wrote: »

Is he on any medication? Antidepressants in particular can cause sexual side effects.

No medication at all..things just went from being amazing to this with no obvious reason

littlebubble25

Thanks for the replies and advice. I don’t want to talk to friends about it or go on at him about it because I don’t want him under anymore pressure than he’s already feeling, so it’s good to be able to vent here.
I’m just hoping it won’t take it’s toll on our relationship because things are really good between us and he’s a really great guy. I just can’t help but feel there’s more to it then he’s letting on.

JigglyMcJabs

littlebubble25 wrote: »

So me and my boyfriend are going out over a year now. Everything is great and I’m really attracted to him. As far as I know he feels the same way. Up until about 2 weeks ago our sex life was amazing but now anytime we have sex he goes soft inside me. The thing is he can still ‘get there’ when we do other things but not anymore through sex. We’ve talked about it and he said he doesn’t know what the problem is.
I don’t want to put him under any pressure because I know it won’t help the situation but don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice please help..I’m really starting to get worried about it now!

2 weeks is nothing to worry about, it can be caused by any number of reasons, both psychological or physical, a lot of men will go through this at some point, many get over it without ever figuring out why it happened.

What's really important is that neither of you make a big deal out of it. If things don't improve in another few weeks, then get him to have a chat with a GP, I guarantee you the first thing the GP will say is that it is very common.

GreeBo

If he can still finish in other ways then its not physical.
Its also very unlikely to be you.

Most probable cause is that it happened once naturally, as it does for everyone, but he started thinking about it and now its in his head.
Its a self fulfilling prophecy, he is worried about it happening so it happens.

My advice would be that anytime it happens, go back to other things and once he get it going again, continue with intercourse.

As soon as he accepts that it is not a big deal he will get over the subconscious issue and my bet is all will be well again.

littlebubble25

billythegoatkid wrote: »

any alcohol or drugs involved? any change in contraception set up or do you use condoms?

condoms and alcohol are sometimes not a good mix for men. and its nothing to do with how long you are together - for me, i find wearing a condom absolutely revolting and it makes sex pointless. my wife had to change her contraception a few years back so for one month there was a time where we had to use condoms - complete and utter turn off for me and they were a complete passion killer when i put them on. once we went back to the "natural" way, everything went back to normal.

if things are ok otherwise {you said he can finish by other means which means he is not going soft "outside"}, then its not a physical issue anyway. 2 weeks is not alot so how many times can it have happened and to be honest, you probably are putting pressure and over exaggerating it. if its happened once or twice and alcohol and condoms are involved, remove both from the set up {and remove the pressure also so take your time and ease into it} as a test and see how it goes.

No alcohol or drugs and we don’t use condoms because likewise I find them really offputting. I think your right about the pressure side of things..We’re both trying not to overthink it but in turn end up both focusing on it.

ted1

Probably just a phase and now suffers from a bit of stage fright because you are both conscious of it.

I’d say it’ll back to normal soon

ConnyMcDavid

Dixie Chick wrote: »

It is not you!

How can you tell? It could very well be. As is stated in PI and RI on many an occasion sometimes gut feeling can be correct.

Has there been any other changes in behaviour OP? For example, are there less occasions where he treats you or is romantic less all of a sudden? Or changes in his talk of the future?

NinetyTwoTeam

It's not likely to be you IMO. If it was because of you, he likely wouldn't even want to have sex.

It will probably clear up fine so like you said just leave it for now. As you've ruled out drugs/medication etc the only thing I can think of is I read some article once that said some guys, if they don't masturbate in the typical way, but in a way where they are laying prone and not necessarily erect (like 'humping' the bed basically) that it can cause issues getting hard during sex. But I think that would have been much more likely to be an issue at the start not suddenly after.

Also I've heard of guys having issues due to looking at too much porn/masturbating too much. But probably just wait and see for now until start asking about all that, as you said.

littlebubble25

ConnyMcDavid wrote: »

How can you tell? It could very well be. As is stated in PI and RI on many an occasion sometimes gut feeling can be correct.

Has there been any other changes in behaviour OP? For example, are there less occasions where he treats you or is romantic less all of a sudden? Or changes in his talk of the future?

There’s been no changes but for me my mind always goes to the worst case scenarios and I imagine there’s a lot more to it than he’s telling me. The suddenness of it for me makes me worry that it’s me or that there could be someone else for example. We’ve spoke about it and he’s assured me he doesn’t know what the problem is, but of course I can’t help but feel somewhat paranoid about it

leggo

I really wouldn't worry OP. It probably happened once (which can and does happen to a lot of guys) and now he's got performance anxiety about it. Once you start thinking "Don't go soft" or anything like that, there's only one thing that's going to happen. Instead just don't let it phase you, keep doing what you're doing and when he's relaxed he'll get where you need to be. If you both start freaking out, it'll do no good and keep happening. If he sees you're cool, he'll be cool too and it'll end well. Then, once you're over it, it won't be an issue.