Maintenance summons

Milly15

Has anyone any advice about this, my husband has left and is providing no financial aid for the children. His sole contribution is the mortgage, I always pay the equivalent in childcare costs alone.
He refuses to pay anything towards private school
Fees, clothes, food, property tax, birthdays, Christmas, etc.
My solicitor has set up a court date for maintenance, now he wants to go to mediation for access, I am reluctant as I want maintenance sorted out firstly.
He has been abusive to me and the eldest child, I have a protection order against him, a barring order.
Has anyone been in this situation or does anyone have any advice.
Thanks

Xterminator

Hi Milly

My 1st thought is you would be some piece of work refusing to even attend mediation hearing to arrange access to his children. his relationship with the children is separate to your marriage and you shouldn't be using it as a bargaining chip. Its not about you - or him for that matter, its about whats best for the children. And its undisputed children do better in this scenario when they maintain a relationship with both parents.

Unless there are genuine concerns for the safety of the children which i would assume there are not as you haven't held back in your post.

My second thought would be if mediation goes well it may help to civilise & smooth over the separation and divorce, maintenance hearings etc, because it might dial down the emotional drama. IE he can't claim you are wicked for preventing him from seeing his kids. So in the long term doing the right thing could benefit you too.

Milly15

He hasn’t asked to see them!
I offered in June, he turned up an hour late, abused me verbally in front of them! I said nothing and made the best of it for their sake.
“Some piece of work” and “wicked” is extreme!

He has a protection order against him for me and the kids for a reason, a judge doesn’t grant that on a whim.

I am going to the mediation, I am just ensuring my kids are safe from him, he has mental health issues which are not being helped by anyone for him.

I just asked for a little advice, not a character assignation.


quote="Xterminator;107621111"]Hi Milly

My 1st thought is you would be some piece of work refusing to even attend mediation hearing to arrange access to his children. his relationship with the children is separate to your marriage and you shouldn't be using it as a bargaining chip. Its not about you - or him for that matter, its about whats best for the children. And its undisputed children do better in this scenario when they maintain a relationship with both parents.

Unless there are genuine concerns for the safety of the children which i would assume there are not as you haven't held back in your post.

My second thought would be if mediation goes well it may help to civilise & smooth over the separation and divorce, maintenance hearings etc, because it might dial down the emotional drama. IE he can't claim you are wicked for preventing him from seeing his kids. So in the long term doing the right thing could benefit you too.[/quote]

Toots

Have you asked your solicitor what they think?

Xterminator

Hi Op

you asked for opinions and i gave mine, sorry you took it as a character assassination. It wasn't intended that way.

As a stranger to you and your partner, having no axe to grind, and not taking anyone's side, it is my opinion to use access to the children as a bargaining chip is despicable behaviour.

I was not belittling your circumstances. I think fathers who dont pay for their children are also despicable.

You are correct to ensure your children's safety is ensured and built into whatever arrangements are made ( i assume you will push for supervise visits? once the arrangements are formalised, if he doesnt turn up, that's on him.

Milly15

I’m waiting for her to get back to me, I only received the letter yesterday. I want to make sure I am doing the right thing.

Toots wrote: »

Have you asked your solicitor what they think?

Milly15

i never denied access. I wouldn’t. However the guards told me I had a moral duty to protect these children and I will.

He is despicable how he treats them. For the past 2 years while living in the same house as them he would come home after they were asleep, maybe 9/10pm (through choice not work) and at the weekends he would lock himself in a room, eat in secret and had even say hello to them.
I don’t think I’m the wicked one and I’m definitely not using them as a bargaining chip.

I supervised the visit I offered, for insulted to heaven but said nothing and was pleasant and tried to get the children to enjoy it. Yes I am looking firm supervised visits for their safety, nothing unfair about that.




ote="Xterminator;107621561"]Hi Op

you asked for opinions and i gave mine, sorry you took it as a character assassination. It wasn't intended that way.

As a stranger to you and your partner, having no axe to grind, and not taking anyone's side, it is my opinion to use access to the children as a bargaining chip is despicable behaviour.

I was not belittling your circumstances. I think fathers who dont pay for their children are also despicable.

You are correct to ensure your children's safety is ensured and built into whatever arrangements are made ( i assume you will push for supervise visits? once the arrangements are formalised, if he doesnt turn up, that's on him.[/quote]