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My food issues are ruining my life

  • 23-07-2018 2:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Long time boardsie here, but going unregistered for this.

    First and foremost - this is not a 'Help me to lose weight' post. I'd have posted in the Fitness forum if it was. (I actually am fairly knowledgeable when it comes to physical health & fitness).

    Since I had a traumatic injury in my teens, I started to comfort eat. My weight yo-yo'd in my teens, and for most of my twenties.

    I always thought that I was depressed because of how I felt about my weight. But through counselling, CBT and other things I've done, it transpires that I've had depression for most of my life, and i ate to comfort myself. (in other words, the eating is caused by depression, and not the other way around).

    So, for the last 10 years at least (I'm 39 now), I've been trying to treat myself for Depression. I take anti-depressants (which I'm currently reducing the dose, with help from my GP), as certain aspects of my life have improved. I attend counselling (on and off), and try to practice mindfulness to beat anxiety.

    However, I'm still unhappy. I'm overweight by about 4 stone, and my mood is often low. I have very very very low self-esteem. My confidence is low most of the time, although in the last few years I've become accustomed to developing a false confidence in social situations.

    I really want to turn my life around. I have a lovely family, a (new) job which I'm loving, and a really great husband.

    My long-time depression has turned me into a bit of a loner. I take my breaks & lunch at work on my own. And I actually long for camaraderie.

    My husband thinks if I lose the overweight, that my overall low mood will be 'cured'. I don't feel like that. (I do struggle with Binge-Eating-Disorder, it's incredibly hard to 'cure' as you can't avoid food forever!!). There are no support groups near me that I could attend.

    My feeling is that I (somehow) need to solve my mental health issues - but how??? How do you develop self-esteem at 39 years of age, when all of your life, you never felt like you were 'enough'. How do I develop self-confidence? All the years of trying & failing to lose the weight, have left me with zero self-belief.

    Can anyone give me any pearls of wisdom?


    Thanks in advance for all comments.


Comments

  • #2
    metamorphosis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,991 ✭✭✭metamorphosis


    Hi OP

    Sorry to hear you are going through this. Regular counselling is something that I would strongly encourage. If you have not been making the progress you wish with your counselor, then get a new counselor.

    Additionally, check out the website for Over eaters Anonymous - http://www.overeatersanonymous.ie/

    Check if there is a meeting in your locality. If there is, there is no harm is going and listening to other people and seeing if it is for you. Similar meetings along with therapy greatly improve your chances of working through these issues. Sometimes we eat like this for comfort and because we believe we don't deserve more for ourselves.

    Depression, self worth and food are not things we can work through on our own. There are supports available to help us. Know that freedom from this does exist :)


  • #3
    deadlydreads
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18 ✭deadlydreads


    Heya op,
    I was just reading an article in the guardian yesterday about body neutrality, it's an interesting read. If you can learn to accept your body lumps bumps and all I think things like self esteem can naturally be built up. Could you look up things like intuitive eating, there are so much positive things to research involving healthy food messages. You have a lovely family and are enjoying your new job, so that's a great start. Why do you think you need to lose 4 stone? I only ask as some of my friends pick a seemingly random number of weight which they want to lose anything between 1and 3 stone and I'm looking at them thinking holy **** how have you got this in your head, you'd have nothing left to you! Oh also, you're only new in work, it takes time to come out of your shell, how about asking if anyone wants a cup of tea and see what happens. Last thing I promise, 39 is no way too old to make changes, you've made loads recently with counselling and mindfulness so you're doing great already. All the best!


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