Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Can you leave a wedding early?

  • 20-07-2018 4:20pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm invited to a wedding later in the summer. I have a few concerns.

    How much money is acceptable to give as a present from a couple? The bride is a cousin and I'm not close to her but I get on well with her parents. Would 200 euro be too much or about right?

    I'm not very good for late nights. It's been a few years since I went out and stayed out partying into the middle of the night. Generally my going home time is about 11 or 11.30 or midnight. Very rarely it could be close to one. I'm just not able for late nights any more.

    Is it acceptable to leave a wedding early for say midnight? We will have to play it by ear really.

    I don't drink beer or cider because they make me sick. I'm usually behaved with alcohol. I know my limit. My drink of choice is usually a gin and tonic or vodka and coke. How much money should I set aside for drinks? Is there any way of cutting back on this expenditure? Would it be wrong to have a naggin of vodka in my handbag?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Imo 100 would be really generous if from just yourself to a relation youre not close to.
    If youre driving dont drink. If youre not driving then 30 euro would buy a couple of drinks that you could enjoy and still feel well the following morning.
    You can leave the wedding at any time. Ive left by midnight at a coupleof them. One because i wanted to get home to my kids. Another because i was just to tired to enjoy it.
    And yes id think it was wrong to bring in alcohol. If you cant afford alcohol you dont actually have to buy drinks. Its not compulsory.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,341 ✭✭✭miezekatze


    Just do an Irish goodbye whenever you want to leave, nobody will notice with so many people around!


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,246 ✭✭✭judeboy101


    100 if they getting married and having the reception at n the local gaa/rugby club etc. 150 if it's a nama hotel, 200 if it's Ashford castle etc. You basically want to give enough that will cover your meal and a bit of dancing.


  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 81,083 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sephiroth_dude


    100 is plenty, leave when you want.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,430 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    Yeah just slip out when you're ready. Noone will notice or mind. Have a chat to the bride or groom just before you go so that you stick in the memory but don't actually tell them you are leaving. Last wedding I was at I left at 10.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭lulu1


    I00 e is more than enough if you are going on your own, and leave whatever time you feel like it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Generally, the going rate for a couple is 150-200euro. That's only if you can afford it though! As 200 is on the upper end of the scale, you could definitely dial it back to 150euro.

    I would strongly advise against brining a naggin in your handbag - it's just not the done thing at weddings!! If you really feel the need to drink, you could use the 50euro saved above towards that.

    As for leaving early, if you just slip out quietly, nobody will notice or care.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    For a single person 75-100 is the normal range for a gift.

    Stay for the first dance and leave after that whenever you feel like it.

    No idea to advise you on your drinks budget - but if you leave early I imagine you might only want to buy 2-3 drinks.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,286 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    200 seems excessive- unless the venue is somewhere that you know your meal is going to be pricey- and the dancing etc- is normally covered from the bar receipts........ I'm not scrooge- but I'm also not up to doing late nights anymore- and would view 200 Euro for someone I wasn't a good friend of- as excessive (even if I did know the parents). Honestly- if you're not that close to the person getting married- it sounds like you're there because you're a relative- rather than any great friend of the bride/groom. Its your call- but I think 100-150 is very generous, less than 100 would probably be stingy- and would think 200+ is excessive...........?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    A lot of people seem to be mistaken that the OP is going alone, but she has said she's going as a couple. 200 would be excessive if you're going alone, much less so for a couple. 150 would be about right though from a couple if you're not close to the bride or groom.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    €150 is plenty to give as a couple. I don't go for this idea that you have to cover the cost of your meal. When a couple choose a venue, that choice should not be made based on expected monetary gifts.

    You can leave at any time you wish. If you feel tired at 10pm then head off, or you may find you still have bags of energy at 12 - see how it goes. You don't need to do a big goodbye - if bride and groom are taken up with dancing etc, you can always just mention to another family member that you are leaving and pass on your thanks.

    If you drink wine you will most likely get that free with dinner. Then you wouldn't need to buy many drinks. Don't get into rounds with anyone. If anyone asks if you want a drink, politely refuse and say you will stick with yourselves. Rounds at weddings can get out of hand. I personally wouldn't bring in my own alcohol. Wouldn't go down well if you got caught out. And of course you have the option not to drink and have your car at the ready to get home when you like.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    E100 FROM two people as a gift is a very generous gift - particularly as you dont know her well . There is absolutely no reason to give more if it is a castle or 'exclusive' 5 star location - their spend on their wedding is their choice and plenty enough people will be giving pictureframes and toasters (which is imo mean!). Stick with e100 between the two of.you - it is a good and generous present.

    You can leave whenever you want once it isnt a jump up and dash for the door straIght after the meal! Most weddings are a bit chaotic and the bride and groom always seem to say it passes in a blur - with that many guests you can easily slip away unseen and say later you didnt get a chance to say thank you and goodnight as it was such a whirl and wonderful evening. Everyone does it! If you are at table Ll night with the same people you can greet them goodnight as you leave but if they have drifted away to the dancefloor they will probably guess you are just circulating elsewhere or dancing yourself.

    Regarding the naggin absolutely dont. You definately dont want to be spotted or suspected at a wedding doing that . There will be wine with the meal and possibly a glass of champagne or a toast drink - stick with that if the budget is tight and get yourself one or two and pace it out - dont get involved in accepting drinks or table rounds as they get very expensive and out of control very quickly - the old excuse of Im driving later or on antibiotics always serves well!!

    Enjoy yourself and have good night - and dont let spenders try and guilt you or compete you into giving an excessive gift - you may also have other distant cousins or be invited to other family weddings of almost strangers and you dont want to set the bar so high you could end up being expected to.improve on that for other closer family in the future. E100 for a couple is a lot and good and generous present.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    E100 FROM two people as a gift is a very generous gift - particularly as you dont know her well . There is absolutely no reason to give more if it is a castle or 'exclusive' 5 star location - their spend on their wedding is their choice and plenty enough people will be giving pictureframes and toasters (which is imo mean!). Stick with e100 between the two of.you - it is a good and generous present.

    You can leave whenever you want once it isnt a jump up and dash for the door straIght after the meal! Most weddings are a bit chaotic and the bride and groom always seem to say it passes in a blur - with that many guests you can easily slip away unseen and say later you didnt get a chance to say thank you and goodnight as it was such a whirl and wonderful evening. Everyone does it! If you are at table Ll night with the same people you can greet them goodnight as you leave but if they have drifted away to the dancefloor they will probably guess you are just circulating elsewhere or dancing yourself.

    Regarding the naggin absolutely dont. You definately dont want to be spotted or suspected at a wedding doing that . There will be wine with the meal and possibly a glass of champagne or a toast drink - stick with that if the budget is tight and get yourself one or two and pace it out - dont get involved in accepting drinks or table rounds as they get very expensive and out of control very quickly - the old excuse of Im driving later or on antibiotics always serves well!!

    Enjoy yourself and have good night - and dont let spenders try and guilt you or compete you into giving an excessive gift - you may also have other distant cousins or be invited to other family weddings of almost strangers and you dont want to set the bar so high you could end up being expected to.improve on that for other closer family in the future. E100 for a couple is a lot and good and generous present.

    I don't agree. I think €75 to €100 is fine for a single person but for a couple it should be at least €150.

    They should leave when they want - after the first dance is fine. They wouldn't be the first to bring naggins to a wedding but it's not a good idea.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Emme wrote: »
    I don't agree. I think €75 to €100 is fine for a single person but for a couple it should be at least €150.

    They should leave when they want - after the first dance is fine. They wouldn't be the first to bring naggins to a wedding but it's not a good idea.

    I always think give what you can afford, but 100e from a couple would be at the lower end of gifts they'll receive, you're better off giving a gift if that's the price range you can afford!

    Drink in the hotel room is grand, naggin in your handbag will look odd if you don't know too many people and plan to leave early anyway - I would definitely avoid!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,562 ✭✭✭Sono


    €200 for a couple and leave when ya like, simple really.


  • Posts: 5,121 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    If it is a traditional wedding a lot of people leave after the band finishes which could be about 11:30.
    It is not at all unusual.

    If you are concerned about drinking or being sick or not having enough money don't drink. Weddings can be long days if you aren't used to them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,639 ✭✭✭JayRoc


    Gifts should be what you can afford. It would be crazy to give a gift that puts you under such financial pressure you'd consider smuggling a naggin into a wedding.


    50 quid a head, buy your drinks at the bar, and leave when you like.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Really, once the meal is over you can leave any time you want. By that stage people are already starting to mingle and they might not come back to their tables. Once the dancing starts nobody is going to notice who's there and who isn't. There was a thread on After Hours a while ago about weddings and many people agreed that they're a rubbish day out. They're expensive, boring and far far too long.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,458 ✭✭✭✭gandalf


    As someone said give what you can afford.

    As for when to leave, anytime. Once you talk to the Bride and Groom you'll be fine. If it's a large wedding then they will not have a clue when you left. Just slip away when you feel you have had enough.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


  • Advertisement
Advertisement