Gift when you're not invited?

Stupify

Hi all,

have a very good friend that's getting married next week and he's only having family and his best friend at his wedding (a small affair being hosted in the back of his house), I'm not invited to this as it's family but would I still be expected to give a gift?

GingerLily

Stupify wrote: »

Hi all,

have a very good friend that's getting married next week and he's only having family and his best friend at his wedding (a small affair being hosted in the back of his house), I'm not invited to this as it's family but would I still be expected to give a gift?

No!

If you want to give a gift that's for you to decide but they won't be an expectation from the bride and groom.

Nothing wrong with a card and a bottle of bubbly!

miamee

Never mind if you are expected to - do you want to? If he is a good friend, would you not want to give him a gift of some sort to congratulate him on his wedding and mark the occasion?

I'd imagine they will get a lot fewer gifts with having a smaller wedding, there is probably no expectation to give one but it'd be a nice thing to do and I would do it if I were in your shoes.

CIARAN_BOYLE

Personally id invite the bride and groom out for a meal to mark the occasion within a couple of months of the wedding.

No gidt but id pay for the dinner,

Stupify

miamee wrote: »

Never mind if you are expected to - do you want to? If he is a good friend, would you not want to give him a gift of some sort to congratulate him on his wedding and mark the occasion?

I'd imagine they will get a lot fewer gifts with having a smaller wedding, there is probably no expectation to give one but it'd be a nice thing to do and I would do it if I were in your shoes.

I am already going to get him a picture frame or a bottle of wine , I suppose I should've worded the OP as more of "should I get them the same gift I would get if I was going, 100-150 euro".

BabysCoffee

Get a gift if you want. Give something they would like - you don't have to spend a specific amount. Picture frame or vase sounds nice....or a restaurant voucher. Whatever.

Recliner

Stupify wrote: »

I am already going to get him a picture frame or a bottle of wine , I suppose I should've worded the OP as more of "should I get them the same gift I would get if I was going, 100-150 euro".

But you're not going. If I were him and someone did as you're suggesting I'd be extremely embarrassed. He's obviously having a low key wedding by choice for whatever reason. Picture frame/bottle of wine is fine. Wish him well and leave it at that.

Mrs OBumble

Stupify wrote: »

I am already going to get him a picture frame or a bottle of wine , I suppose I should've worded the OP as more of "should I get them the same gift I would get if I was going, 100-150 euro".

No.

Just do the regular present. No need for the entry fee if you're not entering.

Stupify

Stupify wrote: »

........ would I still be expected to give a gift?

Not at all.
A very good friend of mine fgot married abroad years ago. Neither parents were even at it iirc.
I gave the couple a gift as he's a very good friend and his wife is lovely too. They were very pleased and were delighted........... hugely surprised though.

mighty magpie

Recently married abroad, invited about 100, 60 attended, we got a few gifts from people we didn't invite and didn't receive gifts from people we did invite.

Restaurant voucher, few store vouchers, some kitchenware and small cash gift. Very unexpected.

iamwhoiam

I genuinely don't get this " expected " notion . If I want to give my friends a gift or my family a present or a card I just do . Not because I am expected to , not because I feel I should but because I want to . My gorgeous niece got married a few years ago and they had only parents and siblings there . I was thrilled for her and sent her a gift because I wanted to .
Op . There are no rules for gifts that come from the heart .

Stupify

I'll go with the small gift idea so guys (bottle of wine/ picture frame), thanks for the answers.

Stupify

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I genuinely don't get this " expected " notion . If I want to give my friends a gift or my family a present or a card I just do . Not because I am expected to , not because I feel I should but because I want to . My gorgeous niece got married a few years ago and they had only parents and siblings there . I was thrilled for her and sent her a gift because I wanted to .
Op . There are no rules for gifts that come from the heart .

Unfortunately some people do have an expectation of what level of gift they should receive on their wedding. I was just wondering would this expectation be there in my case is all.

iamwhoiam

Stupify wrote: »

Unfortunately some people do have an expectation of what level of gift they should receive on their wedding. I was just wondering would this expectation be there in my case is all.

So I believe from reading here ! Among my family its the opposite and no one expects anything ! Lovely to get and very grateful of course

wildwillow

Give whatever gift you want and word the card so it's clear you want to mark the occasion and wish them well. He won't expect anything so it's completely up to you. I have done this a few times and it was much appreciated. Not getting an invitation was much appreciated by me!!

Are you married and was this person a guest at your wedding and give a gift? That may put a different slant on your thinking.

JustAThought

A picture frame? You have got to be joking - what an insult and absolute minimun of a 'present'. Same with a bottle of wine.i'm not one for extravagant gifting but this is for a friend. It'd be less tacky and far less embarassing for yourself and him/her to.give nothing. Unless you're 16?

Dont be an absolute stinge. If this is a good friend then you know them. Give them something decent and not the meanest minimum. As people have pointed out here a restaurant voucher, a bottle if champagne and a card - anything expect a picture frame or btl of wine. Its not a debs or a neighbours first teenage disco night.

woodchuck

JustAThought wrote: »

A picture frame? You have got to be joking - what an insult and absolute minimun of a 'present'. Same with a bottle of wine.i'm not one for extravagant gifting but this is for a friend. It'd be less tacky and far less embarassing for yourself and him/her to.give nothing. Unless you're 16?

Dont be an absolute stinge. If this is a good friend then you know them. Give them something decent and not the meanest minimum. As people have pointed out here a restaurant voucher, a bottle if champagne and a card - anything expect a picture frame or btl of wine. Its not a debs or a neighbours first teenage disco night.

Bit harsh :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: No wonder the OP is worried about expectations!!

I was going to say a picture frame isn't a good idea, just because it's not very original and will likely gather dust in a drawer. You can actually get very good quality (and pricey!) picture frames though, so it's by no means stingy.

I think a card and a small present (decent wine, bubbly or restaurant voucher) is a nice idea OP, but shouldn't be expected.

Electric Sheep

I like a PPs idea of taking the happy couple out for dinner. The whole picture frame cliché is well past its sell by date.

I doubt the couple have any expectations (though in Ireland you wouldn't know, there is a tendency for greed to manifest around weddings) but I am sure they would be delighted that you want to acknowledge their wedding and your friendship.