Advice regarding social life

LegacyUser

Just posting to get some advice on a personal matter I am a 23 year old woman who has basically always struggled a little with making friends. Secondary school was quite difficult for me in that I had one or two close friends and a fairly minimal social life. In college I was intent on building a busy social life for myself but it didn't really happen. However I do have four close friends from college. Now that I'm working I have doubts about establishing a social life for myself. I'm mostly sitting at home in the evenings and weekends despite the fact I'd love to be out going for drinks, trips etc. I do feel that my current and previously lacking social life is knocking my confidence in meeting new people and establishing connections. I do want to remain hopeful and not desperate. I'm also seeing a counsellor and practicing mindfulness to try which is helping alleviate my social anxiety. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how I can improve my situation? Thanks

LonelyBoy84

If you’re enjoying mindfulness, why not enroll in a group class where you’ll likely meet people & potentially strike up friendships?

NiceFella

Anon18 wrote:

Just posting to get some advice on a personal matter I am a 23 year old woman who has basically always struggled a little with making friends. Secondary school was quite difficult for me in that I had one or two close friends and a fairly minimal social life. In college I was intent on building a busy social life for myself but it didn't really happen. However I do have four close friends from college. Now that I'm working I have doubts about establishing a social life for myself. I'm mostly sitting at home in the evenings and weekends despite the fact I'd love to be out going for drinks, trips etc. I do feel that my current and previously lacking social life is knocking my confidence in meeting new people and establishing connections. I do want to remain hopeful and not desperate. I'm also seeing a counsellor and practicing mindfulness to try which is helping alleviate my social anxiety. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how I can improve my situation? Thanks

Don't worry if school social life didn't go well. I know lots of people including myself who it didn't really work out for. Socialising like anything else can be a skill you can learn but more importantly you need to find your audience. Many people who have the same experiences as yourself find it hard to meet one another because they may be finding it hard to get out of there comfort zones. But that's what it is. You need to try and fail, but when you fail laugh it off. Don't shame or judge yourself, always find humour if you can. There are a number of groups in Ireland like Meetup society which have a number of activities and hobbies that might interest you, and a chance to meet people like minded. Stay positive and you'll get there! Best of luck.

zoobizoo

Having been in your situation myself at that age, it wasn't until I hit my 30s that I discovered a whole new world: clubs.

Yep - I found a hobby that I loved and through that I joined a club and was introduced to 100 people with the same interest as me.

I found a whole new bunch of friends - some casual acquaintances, made good friends and 15 years later am still ni touch with them.


You're not just meeting up for drinks - you're being active; you're talking about the activity, the weekend away, the weekend gone by etc etc.


Also, it takes the pressure off talking about you... you'll get to talk about yourself but the focus is less intense at the start anyway. It allows you to build up casual acquaintances which can develop into friendships.