Telling kids too much?

dense

I'm trying to strike a balance between informing my kids and not freaking them out about life and what's in store.



I've explained from an early age about for example chemicals and the dangers around the home and have progressed this into the dangers of smoking and drugs. (Sorry for that leap!)



They don't have "screen time" and we've discussed bullying and social media bullying to a limited extent, brought on by a couple of high profile cases.



They know a bit about money not growing on trees and have a work ethic (as opposed to not sitting around) in the sense of if you want something it's not going to fall into your lap.


(Both are being primed for public sector positions, guard, teacher etc. :pac:)


I'm wondering where do people draw the line as regards on topics or subjects?


Mine are a boy 8, sensitive but clever, girl 7 going on 17 very bright.


I change the subject on the mention on radio etc about abortion, murder, rape, suicide etc, in case they ask what they are.


I don't want not to explain but am afraid of instilling fear of life in them and dashing their innocence but at the same time I don't like the idea of lying or thinking they'll be ignorant.



But I know there's a few years left yet to get into that stuff.


Anyone any thoughts, experience or advice?

Hector Bellend

Hand your son a porno mag.

Answer questions later

BuboBubo

Probably get better answers in the Parenting Forum. Maybe one of our lovely mods might move this over for the Op?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

dense wrote: »

I'm trying to strike a balance between informing my kids and not freaking them out about life and what's in store.



I've explained from an early age about for example chemicals and the dangers around the home and have progressed this into the dangers of smoking and drugs. (Sorry for that leap!)



They don't have "screen time" and we've discussed bullying and social media bullying to a limited extent, brought on by a couple of high profile cases.



They know a bit about money not growing on trees and have a work ethic (as opposed to not sitting around) in the sense of if you want something it's not going to fall into your lap.


(Both are being primed for public sector positions, guard, teacher etc. :pac:)


I'm wondering where do people draw the line as regards on topics or subjects?


Mine are a boy 8, sensitive but clever, girl 7 going on 17 very bright.


I change the subject on the mention on radio etc about abortion, murder, rape, suicide etc, in case they ask what they are.


I don't want not to explain but am afraid of instilling fear of life in them and dashing their innocence but at the same time I don't like the idea of lying or thinking they'll be ignorant.



But I know there's a few years left yet to get into that stuff.


Anyone any thoughts, experience or advice?

I'd say actually asking them what they think about what you've told them would be the next step, but try to get their genuine opinions instead of them telling you what they think you want to hear.

What to tell them next? Well, wait and see what they ask about.

Outlaw Pete

Books and films that don't preach but inform without bias is a good way of educating young folks about the struggles of life I think.

Films like Mask when of age of course.

One eyed Jack

dense wrote: »

Anyone any thoughts, experience or advice?

No advice, all that sounds like completely reasonable stuff and age appropriate and all the rest of it. Give yourself some credit I think is probably the only thing I can think of. From experience, I think parents often don't give themselves enough credit

StupidLikeAFox

How have you tackled Brexit?

Ubbquittious

The innocence will be gone out the window shortly anyway so might as well tell them the whole truth

pickarooney

I think they're well old enough to talk about murder and suicide and should probably at least know the basics of reproduction.

I wouldn't completely avoid any subject, rather tailor the conversation to their level of understanding.

Wanderer78

dense wrote:

They don't have "screen time" and we've discussed bullying and social media bullying to a limited extent, brought on by a couple of high profile cases.

I assume they do get some sort of access to the internet's, if they don't, they're already doing it?

I'd imagine parenting is stressful no matter what era or situation, unfortunately you can't protect them from everything, but I guess just be there for them when needed, best of luck

Mackman

We usually go by the the rule of, if they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enough for the answer.
Although we adjust the language used in the answer to suit the age

everlast75

Buy them a new bike.

Then, in front of their eyes, set fire to it.

Life lesson right there.

Don't trust anyone, don't take anything for granted, be wary of some gifts, you have to earn stuff yourself*






*and fires are f**king cool as ****!

erica74

I'm not a parent but my opinion on parenting is to answer their questions. If they ask you something, answer it as honestly as you can while still bearing in mind their age.

Irish Guitarist

When the abortion referendum was being held there was a woman being interviewed on RTE News who had just voted yes. Her daughter who was about seven years old was with her. I thought it was bizarre that she had brought this girl with her instead of asking someone to mind her. What was even worse was the way she was talking. She was in hysterics crying and said "my daughter is now free". It was unsettling to see the way the poor girl was looking at the mother and wondering what was going on.

dense

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

I'd say actually asking them what they think about what you've told them would be the next step, but try to get their genuine opinions instead of them telling you what they think you want to hear.

What to tell them next? Well, wait and see what they ask about.

Cheers, I find that they ask mostly; I don't so much ask them because I kind of feel their heads are dealing with enough trying to assimilate what I've told them, but then asking them how they actually feel about what they're learning about is probably something I don't do enough of.

Chocolate fiend

None of that sounds like too much. For me the main thing I talk to my children about (in context not all the time) is consent.

I assume they both know about reproduction etc?

dense

BuboBubo wrote: »

Probably get better answers in the Parenting Forum. Maybe one of our lovely mods might move this over for the Op?

Prefer not to TBH, be interested in hearing from non parents too, and we were all kids once so might have memories of how we were taught about life by our own parents back in the day -mostly left in the dark about anything "too advanced"

dense

Chocolate fiend wrote: »

None of that sounds like too much. For me the main thing I talk to my children about (in context not all the time) is consent.

I assume they both know about reproduction etc?

They do know about consent and respect, peer pressure, understanding no etc though not gone into the mechanics of reproduction.



Suppose I'm nervous about the consequences of them thinking they know and have a good handle on everything in theory and then figuring life isn't so text book and make terrible mistakes.



I know in my experience we were warned about everything constantly but never really given proper mature explanations for things.

Wanderer78

dense wrote:

Suppose I'm nervous about the consequences of them thinking they know and have a good handle on everything in theory and then figuring life isn't so text book and make terrible mistakes.

Life really is about making mistakes, all humans do it, including all parents, this is fine and normal, just deal with those mistakes as best as you can, kids may also make mistakes, this is fine to, I guess just be there for them if and when it occurs

Raging_Ninja

You've picqued my interest when your post mentioned something about "chemicals". What do you mean by that?

topper75

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Hand your son a porno mag.

Answer questions later

A mag, in 2018? - way to alienate the kid.

dense

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

You've picqued my interest when your post mentioned something about "chemicals". What do you mean by that?

Just originally from explaining to them about why they've been warned about bleach, detergents etc.


Go on from there to chemical composition of various compounds etc and how they can be dangerous or beneficial etc.



Found it helps to them to contextualise how their bodies work to an extent and hopefully to respect them in the future regarding choices they'll have to make or offers they'll have to refuse.

Pawwed Rig

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

You've picqued my interest when your post mentioned something about "chemicals". What do you mean by that?

Don't drink domestos I assume.

dense

Wanderer78 wrote: »

I assume they do get some sort of access to the internet's, if they don't, they're already doing it?

Yes sorry they have very limited supervised access at home, but not going around with smartphones in their fists!


Have been warned about the superficiality and fickleness of social media.



I've read too many stories about kids, mainly young girls either being on the receiving end of either bullying or having to "compete" and compare themselves to the latest kid internet sensation or troll due to what I can make out is unbridled internet access at too young an age.

Wanderer78

dense wrote: »

Yes sorry they have very limited supervised access at home, but not going around with smartphones in their fists!


Have been warned about the superficiality and fickleness of social media.



I've read too many stories about kids, mainly young girls either being on the receiving end of either bullying or having to "compete" and compare themselves to the latest kid internet sensation or troll due to what I can make out is unbridled internet access at too young an age.

oh id be pulling my hair out with this one, i suspect id be a parent bringing the modem to bed and possible installing phone block tech in the house

Raging_Ninja

dense wrote: »

Just originally from explaining to them about why they've been warned about bleach, detergents etc.


Go on from there to chemical composition of various compounds etc and how they can be dangerous or beneficial etc.



Found it helps to them to contextualise how their bodies work to an extent and hopefully to respect them in the future regarding choices they'll have to make or offers they'll have to refuse.

Cool, I wanted to know if you were one of those loons who is on a chemical-free, natural diet.

RandomName2

I don't really think it's about limiting the discussion of particular topics, but instead coming at them in a particular way. There's quite an edited version of the descriptions of most of the topics you were finding difficult, that provide some sort of explanation, without going into unpleasant detail.

Except murder, which is so straightforward it doesn't have a watered down version, but you can't really make sense of the world without knowing about people deliberately taking the lives of others. It's the reason government, and the law, and armies exist.

Neyite

What I remember most about my childhood was my questions being fobbed off a lot. In practical terms it meant that I learned not to ask questions and attempted to make sense of things myself. Some were minor, such as incorrectly assuming the pronunciation of a word but others had more of an impact, for example, when something more sinister happened to me, there was already a pattern of me not going to my parents.

So I've tried to answer questions as honestly as I can, simplified for age. That way my kid knows he can ask me anything. So, in a simplified way, my six year old knows bits about some conflicts reported around the globe, and recently wanted to know about the children in cages he saw on the news (Mexico border)so I explained a little of that.

It's easy to teach a very young child the basics of consent/ ownership as it's more or less an extension of the way they learn to share their toys -my son knows it's ok if he doesn't want to share some toys. I was never given a choice as a kid and it even went further when a visiting child would take a shine to something I loved and my mother would always give it away, overriding my objections with the thread of punishment. I hated that. I was supposed to respect other peoples belongings in the home and not touch them or play with them but mine were fair game.

From a body point of view, we've chatted about privacy, bodily autonomy (not forcing him to kiss an adult) and secrets are only for surprises - if it's a secret that makes you sad or worried or scared it has to be shared with mum and dad and no matter how 'bad' it is, they will never get cross because sharing a bad secret is always the right way.

I'm still learning and figuring things out but I don't think it's healthy to shield children from everything bad in the world, I feel that you are only storing it up for later when the teen years are trickier for them anyway.