The thoughts of going to my Debs makes me feel sick

vithit

My Debs are in 6 weeks and I’m freaking out. I had awful social anxiety for years, and made great progress from 5th year onwards. I have several friends outside of school now. Owing to my shyness in the past, I’ve never fit in in school. The only time I meet my classmates is if there’s a birthday party. Right now, I’m only in touch with one girl from my year, who probably won’t even go to the debs.

My mum wants me to go and my aunties and co-workers are acting as if I’m a total oddball because I don’t want to go. The only guy that asked me in my year is creepy and I wouldn’t feel ok going with him. I even tried Tinder but there wasn’t anyone I felt I could take. What’s more, it’s almost an hour away and our bus won’t be going home till 4 in the morning, so it’s not like I can sneak home if I’m having a terrible time. It’ll also cost me at least €300 realistically.

It’s filling me with so much anxiety, which I haven’t felt in about 2 years, what should I do?

Arrival

Don't go, why would you put yourself through the pain of going to something you don't genuinely feel inclined to go to? It's no big deal to miss your debs, people seem to blow it up as if it's some amazing event but the reality is that it's just a group of people having a meal and getting pissed with each other - there are going to be so many more opportunities to do exactly this throughout your life but with people you actually want to be around. Disregard the opinions of losers who are so small minded to consider you an odd ball for not wanting to go to an event, the only thing that concerns you is your own happiness and going to this clearly isn't moving towards the direction of happiness.

fishy_fishy

Don't go. Not worth the stress or money or effort.

Just don't talk to anyone about it. Tell your mum not to be talking with your aunties about it, you're not going because you just don't want to, and if your co-workers bring it up just say "oh yea the debs. Ah sure we'll see." If anyone presses it just ask "why are you so personally involved in whether I go or not? Why don't you respect my choices?"

fxotoole

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t go. You shouldn’t go just to appease your mother/aunty either. Do what’s right for you. No need to put yourself through the stress and anxiety just to please others.

Ursus Horribilis

You asked this question before, didn't you? The general consensus was the you shouldn't go. Keep your money in your pocket and spend it on something else. Something you'll enjoy or something you'll find useful.

If you had a connection with your classmates, it would make sense for you to go. You don't so why waste your time and money on an occasion that will mean nothing to you?

It'd be far better for you to continue getting every bit of help you can get to overcome the anxiety issues you have. You're going to be moving on to the next chapter of your life. One that'll be a blank slate. The better prepared you are for that, the better.

There are lots of people out there who wish they'd not bothered going to their debs. It's not the be all and end all. It can be a damp squib for some people. It's also utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I have not clapped eyes on most of my classmates since I graduated and I've managed very nicely in life without them. Stick to your guns and be proud that you've the courage to stand out from the crowd.

Rubberchikken

Dont go just to keep others happy.
Tbh if the subject was dropped, work colleagues/family will forget topic and move onto something else.

My advice, only go if you really want to go otherwise let it go.
Good luck

LegacyUser

I was in a similar position to you last year OP. I also didn't have many friends in school and didn't have anyone to go with to the debs.

I didn't go and don't regret it. My school's debs were a week or two before I started college and even though I saw lots of people from my school there, no one said anything to me about not going to the debs. I was far from the only one not to go also. There were a few others like me who weren't bothered and there were some who didn't go because of last minute breakups as well.

Spend the money you'll save by not going on something you'll actually enjoy.

messy tessy

Why not go out for dinner with your mother and aunts / your friends outside of school as an alternative to the debs? Honestly you probably would have a much better time with them in a more relaxed environment.

Not going to your debs is no big deal, don't stress about it!

WIZWEB

It's a long time since my debs passed. At the time I was painfully shy and insecure. I didn't go and regret it a bit. However a few years later I was invited by a girl to her debs and it was a disaster for lots of reasons. Most of them comical looking back. Examples including panic stations over coffee being spilt all over the rented suit and shirt. Included a nasty burn I painfully sat through for several hours. (Me mam was great at sorting the rental when I arrived home still drunk and got it back okay that afternoon without losing my deposit). The girl who invited me was less forgiving a couple of years later when she discovered I was gay. That's life. I suppose I was that oddball you fear in hindsight! I was so worried about so much that night but I don't think anyone noticed as they were just there to get drunk and enjoy their own night out. I even took a camera to use as an excuse to distance myself from table social interaction. That backfired when everyone wanted their pics taken....

Maybe one of your mates could go with you. Opposite or same sex. There will be others in similar circumstances to yourself I would imagine. A few drinks if an adult might help you relax. If it's really wrecking your head then leave it. As long as you're sure you won't look back regretting missing it then you're not obliged to go. Most you won't see again probably after your LC results. That may be a good or bad thing for you that might influence your decision.

Big Bag of Chips

The debs is often a bigger event for the parents, and aunties!! They love putting on a 'do' and having the neighbours over for a gawk. Your classmates won't actually notice or care. They will be too busy with who is there to be bothered about who's not there. And once it's all over, it's all over.

Don't put yourself through the night if its going to cause you too much stress. Tell your mam you're not going, and just don't get into conversation with your aunties and colleagues about it. Again, they won't actually care whether you're go or not. Tell them if they think its such an unmissable night, you'll get them a ticket to go.

wiggle16

A rare thing in PI is consensus and that should tell you something OP! I wouldn't bother going, you don't want to go and it doesn't sound like it would be your cup of tea anyway. I went to my debs but I couldn't have been less bothered about it at the time, I could have taken it or left it, and it was a whole load of "meh" anyway.

If your ma is looking forward to it and would like the general fuss about marking an occasion, you could go for something nice to eat with her instead? You could bring one of your friends from outside of school who won't be going to it either. The money your ma might have put towards it could go towards a meal.

If you don't go, you won't be missing much! You are NOT an oddball for not going, do not believe that for a second. Do something you'll actually enjoy instead

LegacyUser

I didn't go to me me years ago, female, just wasn't bothered with all the fuss, didn't miss much. Sure it's only an expensive night out. Plenty more nights out in future. But if u feel u wanna go just ask a friend or a friend of a friend if u wanna bring someone but if u stressing bout it then have a nice evening doing something else you enjoy.