How long/expensive are divorce proceedings here?

azwethinkweiz

I'm currently engaged to a guy who is separated from his wife. She cheated on him and he left her. She is living in their house with their 2 kids (and, now, her boyfriend + the baby they had together since).
My partner is still on the mortgage but isn't paying the mortgage since he moved out (no way he could afford half a mortgage + rent). I don't think she is meant to have another man staying in the family home with her but what's anyone gonna do about it really?

She was the main breadwinner in the family and earns somewhere between 50 and 60k a year (my partner earns 31k and earned less when they first split - 26k). She kept the kids from him for 6 months until he managed to get a court order to see them at weekends. He also pays maintenance on a monthly basis.

He's been separated for 4 years now and I'm wondering what the next step is here. Just find a solicitor and hope for the best? What sort of costs are we looking at? Because there's no way she'll be civil and fair in this and I don't know that we can even afford the costs associated with this. I know she's going to want the house and family car etc. and leave him with nothing from the marriage - he had enough trouble just getting some of his clothes and belongings from her.

He's not allowed near the house because when he left she turned around and claimed he was violent. She even coached the kids to say he hit them. When he asked them about it they said "Mam told us to say that so we did". The kids idolise her and she poisons them against him (I honestly think she has some form of narcissistic personality disorder). She tells them she sits at home crying when they leave to go see him - this is just one of many guilt-tripping/manipulative things she does.

To me, it seems my partner will be left with nothing from this marriage. He will be paying maintenance to her for the next 12 years, she will get the house, the car etc. (and we'll never realistically be able to afford to get married or have a mortgage for ourselves). They have no joint savings to divide, instead they had a joint debt and she got around paying for that by ignoring the calls from the credit union and reverting to just using her own account that's in her maiden name so he seems to be the only one hurt by the bad credit rating that ended up causing.

She has the best of everything, brand new cars every year, holidays and trips, spoils the kids rotten... and my partner just struggles on and can't even afford a car of his own (he uses mine to pick them up). He commutes everyday and works SO hard. I feel like it's so unfair that she broke up the marriage but he's the one left far worse off in the end.

Anyway... he seems to think he will be owed "something" when they divorce because it's his house too even though he's not allowed to step foot in it.
But the way things have gone for him so far (the judge was very much on her side for everything), I don't think this is what will happen. No judge is gonna make her sell the children's home and she will just say she can't buy him out and come up with another sob story.


Can anyone give any advice or share their experiences?

Henry Ford III

Not a nice situation in some respects.

Divorce is long, drawn out, and horribly expensive if it goes through the courts and gets appealed.

A legal opinion is probably what you need here.

Payton

Why has he stopped paying the mortgage? He does know that will be held against him for when he goes to court, even if he pays something its better than nothing.

Xterminator

He earns 31k .....no way he could afford half a mortgage + rent.

He stopped paying because he has to rent elsewhere. (And rent is often dearer than mortgage).

LegacyUser

Why is she not allowed have her BF live there? Are you not living with your partner OP?

She earns double what he does so she can afford a new car and holidays, it's simple earning power nothing to do with being a nice person and not cheating or being a crappy person trying to keep his kids from him. Your partner isn't on the bread line - he's earning a little over the average salary for Ireland to be fair.

No one can tell you whats going to happen divorce wise as there's a lot of factors we don't have like how long they've had the house and how much had been paid off before the separation etc etc. Why did he stop? I know your saying cus he had to pay rent but a lot of separated dads end up having to do both. Was it something they talked about or did he just stop without any discussion? if it was the later it may be something she tries to use against him in court.

They got the house together and are both legally obligated to pay for it, she may offer to buy him out for less then it's worth or a judge may order him to pay his share until the mortgage is paid off - your partner needs legal advice so he doesn't get taken advantage of.

Payton

Xterminator wrote: »

He stopped paying because he has to rent elsewhere. (And rent is often dearer than mortgage).

Even by paying something shows he is contributing to the mortgage and I'm the eyes of the court he's keeping his ex from telling the court she contributes 100%.
When they do decide to go down the route of divorce everything will be shown on your affidavit of means as will his ex wife and proof it.

holepunch

Such a tough situation to be in but you 100% need legal advise on this she sounds like a nasty piece of work tbh but that's neither here nor thrre. As for her having her new partner living there its not illegal. If he's hes not paying the mortgage then is she paying 100% of it? If so then the bank wouldbn't care less whos account it comes from as long as its getting paid but he won't look good if she can prove she's paying the lot.

draiochtanois

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holepunch

draiochtanois wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

My advice - don't believe everything he says and don't discount everything she says.

And throwing around a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder when someone isn't your patient is wrong on many levels.

You need to start behaving in a more rational and less emotive fashion.[/quote]
How can she not beleive everyting he saud when she lives with him and can see first hand what his situation is?