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Wife had enough.

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  • 08-07-2018 8:45am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been terrible at showing my wife affection, due to some issues I can't go into here.
    She was aware I was getting help, but I didn't keep with it.
    She wants to end the marriage. We've be in this situation before.
    I don't blame her. I'm the perfect husband except for the bedroom.
    We bought a house together and have a small child.
    I feel like my world is ending.
    I don't see a point to living without them.
    The thoughts of living in the same house as we separate horrify me.
    Not sure what I'm asking for. I've no one to talk to snd feel like a loser.


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    #2
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    You know the answer. You need to go and get the help you promised you would.

    It's time to prioritise
    A) giving up living with your wife and child but at least you won't have to go get uncomfortable help or gave sex. Your past will still be there, your reasons for not habing sex will still be there, the efgect of what happened to you is more far reaching of course, because now it has prevented you from being happily married. You get to stop lying about saying you'll work on things. You'll see yoir child part time. You may express suicidal feelings


    B) go get help and stick with it. It may be painful and traumatic and uncomfortable getting the help, but you will heal. Your wife (who presumably love(d) you) will be reassured, she may stay or cone back, you may see more of your child. Your trauma of the past may not wreck your future. You won't feel suicidal.

    You do have someone to talk to. Are there any organisations who deal with what you experienced?

    There are psychiatrists and therapists all over the country. Some do online appointments

    You could start with marriage counselling.


  • Options
    #3
    WIZWEB
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭WIZWEB


    As well as continuing with the therapy (maybe find a different therapist if you didn't connect with the last one) the key is communication. Sit down and talk and listen. Your 'pity party' will serve you no good and if directed towards her displays emotional blackmail in an attempt to renew the status quo.

    My last LTR involved very little affection so can empathise with your partner. Oppositely there was plenty of sex but it was mechanical for whatever never disclosed reasons. There was drama too. Ultimately though the never resolved emotional distance made me question things over the years and decide to leave. Believe me I tried but my partner didn't engage in any compromise and the affection was never going to come my way so I eventually left. You may still have one more go at this. Though your partner can't demand you ever change you might have to or it really will be over.


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    #4
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    There are a list of organisations here on boards which can provide advice.
    You really should get a " real" person to assist


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