Looking for Guidance

LegacyUser

On the outside I seem to be a sound enough guy, I have good job, my own home and a great girlfriend (Partner). I have a good circle of friends and I’m out going with different activities.
I suppose it started around the age of 8 when I was abused by a family member whom has since passed away, I have very little memory of the incidents but it did happened and I think that was the trigger that set my life and my emotions to where I am today looking for advice of where and what to do next.
I met my ex-wife when we were young. It was good and our life was good but she cheated and was a heavy drinker which had a profound effect on our children’s and my life also. I put up with a lot of crap from her, I was put down and verbally and physically probably mentally abused as well. In the end I emotionally exited the marriage and got on with my life. In the last number of years I divorced my now ex-wife and when the court case was over I felt nothing…no joy no sadness just nothing. I have since moved in to my new home and my relationship with my adult children is very good.
Within the last number of years I have lost members of my immediate family and at the funerals I felt nothing….I looked around the church and lots of people were crying and at the graveside but I felt so out of place that I wasn’t feeling anything and this was my immediate family member!! I still haven’t grieved for my family members and that’s not right.
Before I got divorced I met a wonderful woman whom I’m still with 3 yrs. now and its going great. She is honest, loyal. We have fun, we laugh. I couldn’t ask for more and she is the total opposite of what my ex wife was. I love spending time with her and we’d ring or text a lot during the day. Again I should be on top of the world but I’m not feeling anything. I’m not sure if I was too hurt by my ex to show my love again yet this is screaming out at me that my girlfriend is the one I should be with and love…but nothing.
I became a grandfather last year for the first time and the child is perfect and healthy thankfully. I know my heart should be bursting out of my chest with emotions but nothing.
I feel like I’m missing out on such a wonderful life that I should be having yet my emotional side is not kicking in. It’s starting to get to me now as I taught when I distanced myself for my ex things would improve but it hasn’t. It’s scary to think that this is the way it’s going to be and it’s really getting to me.

seamus

It does sound to me like you've put yourself on a permanently guarded footing and suppressed your emotions because that was the only way you could cope with life when you were younger. You recognise that you should be "feeling", but there's something blocking those feelings from surfacing.

Have you ever gone to see a counsellor about your past? Does your current partner know about the child abuse and the domestic abuse?

If you have locked away your past in a little box to be forgotten about, then unfortunately your emotions can end up locked in there with it. Just talking about it with someone; be that a counsellor or a partner, can help you discover how to move on from the past and unlock your emotional side with it.

blueberrypie

Sound advice there from Seamus.
Feeling numb in situations where you should be happy, sad etc is a sign that something is not right.
You do need to talk to someone as a number of traumas have happened in your life. You can only avoid them for so long, eventually you must deal with them, process them, make sense of them, it is only then that you will be able to move on and enjoy life again. It will not be easy recalling hurtful times in your past but it will be worth it.
It was the few words about your grandchild made me respond, do it for your grandchild if not for yourself!