Gift for a wedding abroad

lollipop19

Hi there. I'll be attending a family wedding in the US later in the year and am wondering what is the general rule regarding gifts for weddings abroad. Is it expected that you should give a gift of the same value as you would here? It has been suggested that seeing as flights, accommodation, etc are costing plenty that the gift value should be reduced or even nil? What are peoples thoughts on this? I'm not going to have ant change out of €1200 for flights and accomodation so its an expensive holiday!

JayRoc

lollipop19 wrote: »

Hi there. I'll be attending a family wedding in the US later in the year and am wondering what is the general rule regarding gifts for weddings abroad. Is it expected that you should give a gift of the same value as you would here? It has been suggested that seeing as flights, accommodation, etc are costing plenty that the gift value should be reduced or even nil? What are peoples thoughts on this? I'm not going to have ant change out of €1200 for flights and accomodation so its an expensive holiday!

If someone travelled to the states from Ireland for my wedding I would consider that gift enough to be honest.

listermint

JayRoc wrote: »

If someone travelled to the states from Ireland for my wedding I would consider that gift enough to be honest.

Id kinda have to agree.

heretothere

Same, I've invited a few old friends from Australia. Don't really expect any of them to come but if they did I would not expect any sort of gift.

iamwhoiam

What about something small from Ireland . A piece of Cavan Crystal or a Celtic Cross . Just a keepsake for them and small enough to pack

Electric Sheep

I suppose it depends. If the happy couple are Irish, they probably have high expectations, if they are American, they probably won't.

woodchuck

I think it just depends on the couple. Most reasonable people wouldn't expect a big cash present if you're already investing a lot of time and money to attend a wedding abroad. However some people aren't reasonable...

theyoungchap

iamwhoiam wrote: »

What about something small from Ireland . A piece of Cavan Crystal or a Celtic Cross . Just a keepsake for them and small enough to pack

Spot on. Given what you are spending to get there, you don't need to give a significant present.
A small token is plenty.

Redser87

We had guests from all over Europe and a couple from the US at our wedding in Dublin OP, we are just so glad they are in the photos and they left a nice message in our guest book. A little token with their names and/ or wedding date engraved would be thoughtful and lovely.

lawred2

lollipop19 wrote: »

Hi there. I'll be attending a family wedding in the US later in the year and am wondering what is the general rule regarding gifts for weddings abroad. Is it expected that you should give a gift of the same value as you would here? It has been suggested that seeing as flights, accommodation, etc are costing plenty that the gift value should be reduced or even nil? What are peoples thoughts on this? I'm not going to have ant change out of €1200 for flights and accomodation so its an expensive holiday!

we got married abroad and we explicitly stated no gifts..

some people still did however

unless the bride and groom are to$$ers they won't be expecting anything..

theyoungchap

Was invited to a wedding abroad a couple of years ago, middle of summer, 1k for flights, and not even a mention of not bringing a present.
Greedy *****

Why would they ask for no presents? Some will pretend to not want them for show, but they really do. Personally I give the same amount of a cash gift for weddings abroad as at home.

GingerLily

theyoungchap wrote: »

Was invited to a wedding abroad a couple of years ago, middle of summer, 1k for flights, and not even a mention of not bringing a present.
Greedy *****

Big diffrence between requesting gifts and not asking for no gifts - I wouldn't call that greedy

theyoungchap

GingerLily wrote: »

theyoungchap wrote: »

Was invited to a wedding abroad a couple of years ago, middle of summer, 1k for flights, and not even a mention of not bringing a present.
Greedy *****

Big diffrence between requesting gifts and not asking for no gifts - I wouldn't call that greedy

If I was getting married abroad I would be saying "presence=present" on the invite.....

GingerLily

theyoungchap wrote: »

If I was getting married abroad I would be saying "presence=present" on the invite.....

Good for you!

iamwhoiam

theyoungchap wrote: »

If I was getting married abroad I would be saying "presence=present" on the invite.....

Thats your perogative but remember not everyone is the same . Some just don't like to mention presents at all

_Dara_

Samir Drab Treeless wrote: »

Why would they ask for no presents? Some will pretend to not want them for show, but they really do. Personally I give the same amount of a cash gift for weddings abroad as at home.

Foreign weddings tend to work out much cheaper for the marrying couple but more expensive for the guests attending (no matter what the marrying couple says). That alone is a great reason to request no gifts. Couples should be cognisant of the fact that they have transferred the wedding costs on to their guests.

I would 100% strongly suggest no gifts if I was marrying abroad. No “for show” here. We’re not all money-grubbers, you know.

theyoungchap

GingerLily wrote: »

Good for you!

Yeah, maybe I have the decency to appreciate that people go to enormous expense to attend a wedding abroad.

woodchuck

theyoungchap wrote: »

Yeah, maybe I have the decency to appreciate that people go to enormous expense to attend a wedding abroad.

Plenty of people feel the same, they just don't spell it out in their invitations.

_Dara_

woodchuck wrote: »

Plenty of people feel the same, they just don't spell it out in their invitations.

But for a foreign wedding, it’s different so I think it’s important to inform people.

woodchuck

_Dara_ wrote: »

But for a foreign wedding, it’s different so I think it’s important to inform people.

I don't think it's necessary to inform people in writing that you don't expect a present. Yes it would remove ambiguity and I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but different people have different ways of doing things.

Theyoungchap was implying that it if it's not stated on the invite, that a gift is expected. That's really not the case though! Like I said, I think it really comes down to the couple. If they're the decent sort, they won't expect a present for attending a foreign wedding (regardless of the fact that it's not in black and white on the invite).

GingerLily

woodchuck wrote: »

Theyoungchap was implying that it if it's not stated on the invite, that a gift is expected. That's really not the case though!

And he called them Greedy ****s

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

And he called them Greedy ****s

True, perhaps my post had a little too much sugar coating :P

heretothere

iamwhoiam wrote: »

What about something small from Ireland . A piece of Cavan Crystal or a Celtic Cross . Just a keepsake for them and small enough to pack

For my cousins wedding in London (she's from there) we gave money. But also picked up a Newbridge Christmas tree decoration. She texted me at Christmas to say it was a lovely little reminder of her wedding, and Irish family on the tree.

JayRoc

woodchuck wrote: »

I don't think it's necessary to inform people in writing that you don't expect a present. Yes it would remove ambiguity and I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but different people have different ways of doing things.

Theyoungchap was implying that it if it's not stated on the invite, that a gift is expected. That's really not the case though! Like I said, I think it really comes down to the couple. If they're the decent sort, they won't expect a present for attending a foreign wedding (regardless of the fact that it's not in black and white on the invite).

Personally I would consider any mention of gifts whatsoever on an invitation to be a little gauche, even if it's to say they are "not expected".

Electric Sheep

JayRoc wrote: »

Personally I would consider any mention of gifts whatsoever on an invitation to be a little gauche, even if it's to say they are "not expected".

True. It's the sort of information that should be spread verbally by family and the wedding party.

It it's not on the invitation, and the desire for no presents is not spread verbally, people will feel that they must give a cash gift.

To expect gifts in addition to having guests basically pay for most of the wedding by travelling at great expense to a venue that is cheaper for the couple is the height of stinge and cheeky feckery.

iamwhoiam

JayRoc wrote: »

Personally I would consider any mention of gifts whatsoever on an invitation to be a little gauche, even if it's to say they are "not expected".

Me too ! And in all my years going to weddings I have never yet an invitation with any mention of present or otherwise . And always have a lovely thank regardless of value of present . I guess its who is in your circle and family

theyoungchap

Electric Sheep wrote: »

To expect gifts in addition to having guests basically pay for most of the wedding by travelling at great expense to a venue that is cheaper for the couple is the height of stinge and cheeky feckery.

That was exactly my point, I might have delivered it badly!

JustAThought

Family wedding OP - is this your local Irish brother or cousin or long lost distant yank fsmily that you barely know & who have spread the net wide in their invites? Just like in Ireland there are very set and specific 'traditions' around American weddings and you might find you run into demanding issues and expectations very quickly. Unless it loval family just moving across to 'save' costs - fairly outrageous on the guests :0

lollipop19

Its a first cousin's wedding. He's US born as is his wife to be.

Scarinae

Electric Sheep wrote: »

To expect gifts in addition to having guests basically pay for most of the wedding by travelling at great expense to a venue that is cheaper for the couple is the height of stinge and cheeky feckery.

Not everyone gets married abroad to save money - in cases where the couple are from different places then inevitably some people are going to have to travel to get to it.

My wedding will be in Canada and we won't be expecting gifts from anyone who travels from Europe though.

1perriwinkle

One thing I would consider myself is if I’m making a holiday of it while I’m over there (and the wedding is just one of days) or if i’m travelling specifically for the wedding. If it’s the latter then i’d just be giving a token gift, if it’s the former then I’d probably spend a bit more

JustAThought

If its a first cousin and an american I'd say you'd have to spend some extra money on a present - if for nothing else call it building family bridges. Head to Avoca and get one of their huge fancy mohair throws - it'll set you back about e120 and will look good and they wrap well and are light and unbreakable to ship and very Irish. Best investment of a hundred euro you could spend to maintain oirish family relations. You could get waterford whiskey tumblers or wine glasses shipped - you might win on the vat if you give his address - they go mad for waterford crystal over there. But its a bit more breakable! You'd spend as much on a big round of drinks and there'd be no backbiting about no gift . I hear many US weddings have a free bar ☺

woodchuck

1perriwinkle wrote: »

One thing I would consider myself is if I’m making a holiday of it while I’m over there (and the wedding is just one of days) or if i’m travelling specifically for the wedding. If it’s the latter then i’d just be giving a token gift, if it’s the former then I’d probably spend a bit more

I would tend to disagree on this point. Of course you can make the best of a bad situation and make a holiday of it. But as someone who likes to travel, the chances of a wedding being held in a destination that I was planning to travel to anyway are extremely slim. Maybe that's just me though...

Third_Echelon

Waterford crystal are pretty big here. I live in the US at the moment and ordered from their website for an anniversary gift recently. It was shipped from New Jersey. Good online store and delivery options. Could be an option. Save you putting something in a suitcase.

Third_Echelon

JustAThought wrote: »

If its a first cousin and an american I'd say you'd have to spend some extra money on a present - if for nothing else call it building family bridges. Head to Avoca and get one of their huge fancy mohair throws - it'll set you back about e120 and will look good and they wrap well and are light and unbreakable to ship and very Irish. Best investment of a hundred euro you could spend to maintain oirish family relations. You could get waterford whiskey tumblers or wine glasses shipped - you might win on the vat if you give his address - they go mad for waterford crystal over there. But its a bit more breakable! You'd spend as much on a big round of drinks and there'd be no backbiting about no gift . I hear many US weddings have a free bar ☺

Often a free bar, but the reception can end pretty early, like by 9 or 10 PM in some cases.... it can vary.