Struggling with life - advice please?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure where to start here. I think I'm depressed and I don't really know what to do. There is so much I could write about that there is no way I would even think of everything.

For the last year I've been struggling with work stresses to the point that I've changed jobs a couple of times. I've come to the realisation that I don't deal with stress well at all, to be honest the only way I know how to relieve stress is by self medicating with alcohol or prescription drugs which I suspect has worsened my problems too, unfortunately it has felt like the only way to "escape" at times and the only way to get by and get through days. I say I struggle with work stress, and I do work in what would be considered a stressful job and I consider whether maybe its a change of career I need as its only been in the last year since entering my current industry that really my mental health has deteoriated, but I know that this problem is deeper than that, it has to be surely. In fact, as I write this I've just taken a sick day as I simply could not face being there. You know what, the only thing keeping me from quitting is probably what my family or friends would think, I'd find that very difficult to face and I'd find it very tough to justify it to them.

I knew I had been unhappy for a while, but I clicked that I must be depressed when reading a book on a person that had a section speaking about their depression and it hit me, wow this is exactly how I feel. Incidentally reading is another rare instance where I can escape, I feel at peace sitting in a library and getting immersed in a book! Following this I completed lots of depression tests etc online and they all say I'm either moderately or severly depressed. I know self-diagnosis isn't the way to go but this is just my explanation to how I came about this way of thinking.

I've also slowly started to withdraw from people. I have no interest in my friends anymore really, and its become difficult to have conversations. I've had friends ask me have they done anything wrong etc, I tell them no they haven't and thats true, they've done nothing wrong! Its like all I want to do is lie in my bed and look at my phone and watch videos. In a strange way I feel like no amount of rest is enough and this has resulted in me spending so much time in bed in the evenings. Despite this feeling I still don't get to sleep early it just doesn't happen. Mornings are horrific and by far the worst time of the day. I find that im quite hard on myself in mornings and often question how I got into this situation etc and I'm generally very tough on myself at this time of day for some reason.. I can never spend long enough in bed in the morning and I literally get up at the latest possible time. I used to be a brilliant morning person and was well able to be out of bed an hour before I need to leave! Its all changed.

I've also lost interest in hobbies and things I used to love. I've noticed myself watching my favourite teams play sports and realise I don't really care anymore what the result is, which is so unlike me, I'm usually completely immersed in it and usually care quite alot. I've also stopped playing sports, going to trainings or games feel like too much effort and I've often pulled out due to something small like the hassle of organising a lift there, which is ridiculous, but to me at the time it feels like a big problem. Ive also lost all interest in women, I'm only in my mid-twenties and I just dont care about the opposite sex anymore, again its totally unlike me.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for from this post. Advice, maybe if other people have felt similar what worked for you? Its probably helped me a little to just write this down. I know I should be going to a doctor but again it feels like a huge task.

I don't know.. Im lost and I need help. I'm afraid that if I carry on in this state for much longer that I'll be permanently damaged mentally. Thanks for reading this, I hope I've structured it okay.

mapaca

Hi OP, I saw your post earlier but only getting a chance to reply now. From what you've written I think you realise that things aren't right - lack of energy, losing interest in friends and hobbies, and so on can all be indicative of depression. It might feel like a huge task, but talking to your GP is really the best thing to do. They will be best placed to reassure you and help you. No harm in reaching out to a friend or family member for a chat about how you're feeling too. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes we need a bit of support to get back on track and feeling like ourselves again. All the best.

Xterminator

Hi Op

Go see your GP. Its the 1st step towards better times. Make the appointment today.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks very much for the replies. I know you're right. I'm going to go to the GP today and basically say what I said in my opening post. Must say I'm concerned I won't be able to receive any medication etc if I say I have had issues with using prescription drugs and alcohol as a way of self-medicating in the past. But I guess if I'm gonna go to the GP at all I need to be honest with myself and the GP.

Couldn't face work again today, just simply could not psyche myself to go in, I'm not usually so bad to not give a sh*t about going in, and that concerns me too, because I know I need to and that it doesn't look good. I feel myself edging closer to quitting, and thinking about it as a viable option in my head.

LegacyUser

OP.

Been to a GP. Its fair to say I've returned completely disillusioned.

I'm not in Ireland, and I didn't know I needed to be registered with a GP to receive any treatment in this country as I've not needed any til now! Been told by a nurse I seen for about two minutes that it'll take 2-3 days to get registered and can make an appointment then. Took a fair amount of courage to go at all, that was a kick to the teeth. For what its worth the person I seen says it sounds like I've been depressed for quite a while, but really couldn't advise me much further.

There is no way I'm fit for work at the moment and now I can't even get a doctors note etc. It feels like a faor

LegacyUser

OP.

Been to a GP. Its fair to say I've returned completely disillusioned.

I'm not in Ireland, and I didn't know I needed to be registered with a GP to receive any treatment in this country as I've not needed any til now! Been told by a nurse I seen for about two minutes that it'll take 2-3 days to get registered and can make an appointment then. Took a fair amount of courage to go at all, that was a kick to the teeth. For what its worth the person I seen says it sounds like I've been depressed for quite a while, but really couldn't advise me much further.

There is no way I'm fit for work at the moment and now I can't even get a doctors note etc. It feels like a fair problem at the minute. Not sure how to continue. I certainly don't feel up to telling work whats wrong with me.

(Mods, double posted by accident I know they need to be approved, approve this post I added a bit on thanks)

heretothere

It was a bit unfortunate that you will have to wait for a few days. Did you register that day?

You don't have to tell work whats wrong, just say that you haven't been feeling well. Tell them you didn't know you needed to be registered, but that you have registered now and should be able to make an appointment in the next few days.