Nasty mums at the school

mumto1

Very upset at how a couple of the mums at the school have treated me this year.
My daughter was best friends in Junior Infants with the parents association mum.
A few things happened that severed the friendship.
They had a falling out over something minor and the PA mum got a bit ratty at me about it and made the insinuation that it was my quiet child's fault. It is always hard to know of course what happens when we are not there but I was upset that the blame was being put onto my child who I believe probably only retaliate d to the nasty things said to her.
The kids patched things up of
course but that left me a bit wary of that mum who I initially thought was lovely.
Then a few more things happened that made me wonder about her. We all received a letter from the school that there was head lice doing the rounds. At the same time that this letter was circulated her child had a itchy scalp. I went for a coffee with the mum and she told me that she had no intention in doing a treatment and that she wasn't sure what was causing the itchiness. I nodded politely but felt aggrieved that I had forked out for the head lice treatment when in all probability it was going to keep doing the rounds until the root cause was tackled ie her daughter. low and behold a few days later we received yet another note to say there was a second case of headlice and could we all check our children.
After this I noticed that this mother was sometimes really friendly and other times glared at me on the school run so when she offered to give me a lift to a child's birthday party I was again a bit wary. I took the lift there and was very grateful for it. It was a swimming party and she was ready to go before me, as I still had to dry my daughter's hair( and she has some kidney issues) I told her to go on that I could get the bus.
She was extremely rude to me and more or less told me to "get in the car". Well I was absolutely disgusted at how she spoke to me so I said no I'll make my own way back.
She then told me that I was "being ridiculous". I was fuming and told her in no uncertain terms where to go.
That was May 2017 and this year the school run has been horrible. My sister came along to the carol service and even she noticed this woman glaring at me and said it was horrible!
Our children made their holy communion this year and as I stated before this woman is in charge of the parents association, she was supposed to contact us all to see if we wanted to get a communion photo for our children.
She didn't contact me or some of the other mums to see if we wanted to get our childrens photos taken and by the time we found out it was too late. I was very upset over this.

The other mum is relatively new to the school. Her child apparently left the other school due to bullying.
Anyway new moms daughter and mine struck up a friendship and it wasn't long before they were having playdates.
The first few went smoothly but then they had a falling out. Once again the mother had a different version of events to me and her messages were very much putting the blame on my child so I just wrote back that I was sorry to hear they had a falling out and that I wasn't there so I was mindful not to take sides. I said from my side all that I could do was speak to my daughter about kindness and her behaviour.
There was another incident at the school with this child and another I spoke to the teacher and she said that all three girls were as bad as each other and no one was to blame. As we walked down the school laneway talking to the mum her child pitched in that "bullying happens in all schools".
I certainly don't believe that it was bullying and the teacher stated also that it was not.
There are things that happened since that I didn't even tell the mother about.
For example my daughter was in a dance competition with a few of her classmates. Because I am parenting on my own and was sick she missed out on a couple of the dance classes. My daughter was put on with a younger group for one of the dances and her friends were in both the older and younger groups.
Long story short my daughter won one medal ( which she and i were very pleased with) and her friends won two because they were in the older and stronger group for both dances.
She decided to bring the medal in to school to show teacher.
What happened next still brings me to tears.
New moms daughter said " why did you only get one medal, are you not as good as the others?"
My daughter was distraught when she came home from school. She is a quiet shy little girl and to have someone speak to her like that really upset me.
I contacted the school privately and their teacher did a lovely exercise on Kindness with them.
Just like with the fall out with parents association mum the kids were back friends again in no time at all.
A lot of the playdates previously with new mums daughter had been on my watch but I decided to try and do joint playdates so that if there was a problem new mom would see and be there first hand to intervene.
I had her daughter over to my house before and she was very pass remarkable and said " why is your house so small"?

I feel upset also because I have spent money on her child cinema, mc Donald's etc barely got a thank you from her and she never reciprocated.

In a bizarre twist I received two group messages from parents association mom one for a "last day of school playdate" and another "mums go wild" drinks invite. All this after the dagger looks the the school gate and upset she put me through. I don't get it. I obviously politely declined both. Why is she doing this? To make herself look good in front of the other mums?

Dravokivich

Only read half way through. Not entirely sure what your issue is. You either get on with someone or you don't. Leave'em stir up their own crap.

_Brian

It’s not compulsory that either people or kids get on and are best friends.

Just be polite and move on.

You kid will make other friends.

Big Bag of Chips

Kids fall in and out of friendship all the time. Parents are better off staying out of it, because as you are now seeing, the kids are back being friends and the parents are the ones falling out. I'm not saying 'yer wan' isn't a bit at fault, but you've posted a very lengthy post throwing in your own judgements too. You seem to go to great lengths to paint your child as the quiet, shy one. When you spoke to the teacher she said they were all as bad as each other. Dare I say, it sounds like the same can be said for the mothers.

Just on one point, if I brought someone to a party, and then they said they'd get the bus home, I'd be thinking they're acting the martyr. And if they told me 'in no uncertain terms' they would make their own way back they absolutely would be someone I'd give a wide berth to in future.

If you clash with this mother, then just avoid her. Your kids can be friends without you having much to do with each other

wirelessdude01

What is the problem? Nothing strange in anything you have said. People including children fall in and out with each other all the time.

endofrainbow

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

What is the problem? Nothing strange in anything you have said. People including children fall in and out with each other all the time.

Who is the child here? You or your daughter? Is the nasty mum in your social circle or your next door neighbour? If not , stop being so sensitive and get on with your life.

pwurple

It sounds like you are reading way too much into glances at the school gate, and then excluding yourself from school events over perceived slights. Who the heck keeps count of cinema outings?

Your child seems ultra-sensitive about comments made about medals etc. children make tactless comments all the time, your daughter needs to learn to deal with that. Crying yourself about it does not do that.

Now, on the other mums...
First of all, if there is a parents association, all parents are members by default, but you may have elected a committee to represent you. You seem intimidated by this, which makes no sense. You can go to the meetings like anyone else.

Secondly, did you tell her to F off when you were dawdling drying hair (what on earth has hair to do with kidneys?) instead of behaving yourself? That was plain rude. Speed yourself up, she was doing you a favour.

If you want to build a relationship with people, so you don’t get forgotten about for photos etc, I would advise speaking to them, participating/reading the PA stuff, and maybe going to the events when you are included.

That might work better than doing some passive aggressive reverse snub.

Rubberchikken

Youre paying too much attention to a person who doesnt sound worth knowing.
Youre also not doing your child any favours if you react to ever infantile thing this silly woman does.
Ignore her and have your daughter ignore hers.
There are plentyof others out there. These people sound like serious work - way too much for me anyhow.

You can go to parent assoc meetings. You can even join the committee.
Im guessing they left the last school under a cloud. The way theyre behaving, this school may not end up suiting either.

Chocolate fiend

Much ado about nothing to be honest. I doubt the other mums think about you half as much as you think about them.

xzanti

mumto1 wrote: »

Then a few more things happened that made me wonder about her. We all received a letter from the school that there was head lice doing the rounds. At the same time that this letter was circulated her child had a itchy scalp. I went for a coffee with the mum and she told me that she had no intention in doing a treatment and that she wasn't sure what was causing the itchiness. I nodded politely but felt aggrieved that I had forked out for the head lice treatment when in all probability it was going to keep doing the rounds until the root cause was tackled ie her daughter. low and behold a few days later we received yet another note to say there was a second case of headlice and could we all check our children.

Maybe the child has a skin condition. Are you insinuating that the Mother didn't bother checking the child's hair? Or that she was happy to leave the child with lice in her hair? I wouldn't do a lice treatment on my child unless A. there were lice or eggs present. or B. someone else in the house had lice or eggs present, as the treatments can be quite harsh on the hair and my Son suffers with eczema.

Also, with regards to the "dirty looks" you were receiving. Some people just look a bit moody all the time. I have what's known as BRF (bitchy resting face) my default face just looks fed up. I have to really make an effort to look happy, as mad as it sounds.

After reading your post I'm becoming paranoid that there are an army of Mothers from the school gate thinking I hate them There's probably a WhatsApp group about me.