Hiv+

LegacyUser

Hi,i was diagnosed with Hiv last october,im currently on odefsey,my viral load is undectable,but my relationaship with my wife has been destroyed by my diagnosis,my wife is negative.i have retratcted totally from the few friends i have,i dont answer the phone to any of them,i am drinking everynight,i dont want to kill myself,but i hope everyday that i dont wake up and die in my sleep,i dont speak to my mother ,my daughter or see my granddaughter anymore,my work has suffered.where do i go from here?

miamee

I'm really sorry to hear that brokenman1234, my heart goes out to you. Have you and your wife separated because of this or are you withdrawing from talking to everyone? With regards to your friends, you don 't need to broadcast your diagnosis to everyone, you can choose to tell them if or when you want to. Your wife obviously knows which is very important. How is she coping with the whole thing, is she being supportive or equally as shook as you are? It's a lot for both of you to come to terms with.

You could benefit from talking to a counsellor or support services for people who have been diagnosed with HIV. It is a huge shock to you and although it's not the life sentence it once was, it is still a big deal and something you will need to manage for the rest of your life so realising you need help and support to do this might be a way forward to take control of your life and future.

HIV Ireland offer one to one support and counselling. Their phone number is 01-8733799. There is more information on what services they offer here: http://www.hivireland.ie/living-with-hiv/newly-diagnosed/community-support-services/

All the best to you.

Ursus Horribilis

Brokenman, please go for counselling as soon as you possibly can. I see from your reference to your granddaughter that you're not a young Turk in your 20s. You will have grown up in the 1980s/1990s when a HIV diagnosis was just about the worst possible diagnosis anyone could have. I'm old enough to remember the terrifying ads on the TV and seeing emaciated people dying from AIDS. I've a feeling that those very negative associations you have with HIV/AIDS are now terrorizing you.

There's no point in me or anyone else telling you what you already know. That HIV is now managed very well with medication and that you can live a very normal life as long as you take your medication. You've got yourself into such a dreadful tailspin, none of this is sinking in. So please, go for counselling. If you continue on as you are, it's not HIV that's going to ruin your life or directly kill you. Drinking every night and alienating yourself from everyone in your life are going to cause you far far more problems. It's time to stop self-destructing and start living again.

LeinsterDub

Is there more to this story than your telling us. When did you contract the HIV+? Was there an extra martial affair?

dudara

@Diversity for Hire - I’ve deleted your post as it was not offering any assistance or help to the OP. Please read the forum charter before posting again.

dudara

LeinsterDub does have a valid question. How you contracted HIV is probably bothering your wife as much as the fact that you contracted it. How much talking have you done with your wife?

MissShihTzu

LeinsterDub wrote: »

Is there more to this story than your telling us. When did you contract the HIV+? Was there an extra martial affair?

Is that relevant? Would it have changed the OP's situation? And is it our business? The OP came on here to look for support and advice. Not to have people poking about trying to get more info. And - BTW. HIV isn't necessarily caught from having an extra-marital affair. It could be all sorts of reasons, and it is not our place to judge.

OP - I second the idea of going for counselling. You really need to speak to someone soon. Can you make an appointment to see your GP who can probably refer you to?

I'm not sure if the Terrance Higgins Trust operates here. But their website is excellent and offers all kinds of advice, information and support. https://www.tht.org.uk/.

Hope this helps and that you find peace. You need to be strong fro you and your family.

Good luck!

LeinsterDub

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Is that relevant? Would it have changed the OP's situation? And is it our business? The OP came on here to look for support and advice. Not to have people poking about trying to get more info. And - BTW. HIV isn't necessarily caught from having an extra-marital affair. It could be all sorts of reasons, and it is not our place to judge.

I'm aware HIV isn't only caught from having an affair . I've not judged nor am I poking around it's relevant if an affair has occurred

seamus

LeinsterDub wrote: »

I'm aware HIV is only caught from having an affair . I've not judged nor am I poking around it's relevant if an affair has occurred

Just to expand on this; the OP is clearly depressed and withdrawn, and his relationship with his family has broken down.

I think it's relevant to know if this breakdown is because the OP is devastated by his diagnosis or because his diagnosis is the result of an extramarital affair.

In the latter case the OP has a second issue to deal with; getting counselling to help him cope with his diagnosis and separately trying to repair/salvage what he can of his family relationship.

If his relationships have broken down because he has withdrawn from life, then getting counselling to deal with the diagnosis should also help repair his relationships.

Either way OP, it is important that you get some help urgently. No matter how good a friend is, there are only so many times they will try to call you before they stop calling altogether. You need help to lift yourself out of the fog before you get lost in it completely.