Career and life advice needed

LegacyUser

I'm lost in life and I need some advice. Very briefly, after school I went to work in customer service-type jobs, and went to college as a mature student. I did a degree and masters in a creative field. When I finished, I couldn't get work in Ireland so my wife and I moved abroad for a couple of years. I lived in a city with a huge scene relevant to my career, so I was employed happily there for 2 years.

My wife got offered her dream job in the UK, so we moved there. I was happy to be closer to home, tbh, so I was fine with the move. But I really struggled to get work here. I'm not in an ideal location for my field of work, so I ended up in a really frustrating and discouraging cycle of being stuck at home all day, applying for jobs that weren't really suitable and not getting anywhere. I eventually decided to start my own business, with my wife's encouragement. However, here's where the problems really lie.

It's entirely possible to make your own business successful in this field, because I'm seeing people do it. But I'm crippled by self-doubt, lack of motivation and fear of failure. I'd rather avoid trying than risk failing. So I've been limping along, bring in a bit of money here and there but we've dipped repeatedly and heavily into savings just to keep our heads above the water. A year in and my business is still barely more than just an idea. I'm well aware that I'm sabotaging myself constantly e.g. I'll attend a networking meeting and then never contact anyone from it to follow up, or I'll get halfway through a task that will benefit me in the long run and just give up. I've tried to change this but I just can't seem to.

For a good while, I decided just go back to applying for jobs. I have transferrable skills but I'm always losing out to other people who have more specific skills and experience in the field of the job I've applied for. This led me to feeling even more depressed and discouraged. I also feel guilty and ashamed that we're struggling so much financially and that my wife has to carry so much of the burden. We're fighting a lot recently and I know it's my fault.

So I guess the advice I'm asking for is this: Where do I go next? I'm not sure I can make my business work alone, and my head is destroyed from applying for jobs and being rejected. If I try to do both (ie spend time on both applying for jobs and making my business work), I end up doing a poor job on both. We can't afford for me to go back to college, and I wouldn't even know what to study. I just don't know what to do, and my mental health and my relationship are both starting to seriously suffer.

Thanks for reading.

FurBabyMomma

Hi lost2018, I don't have a huge amount of advice to offer I'm afraid, bit just to say I emphasise with you as I pretty much do the same thing. I procrastinate and self-sabotage all my plans and dreams and it's a cycle I cannot get out of. There's definitely a fear of failure and lack of self-confidence underlying my behaviour and from experience this is not something you can just break out of on your own. I did a course of neuro linguistic programming, which helped for a while but I ended up falling back into my old habits. I've just started listening to a podcast called iprocrastinate in the hope of picking up some tips, as I'm sick of being constantly disappointed in myself. I've heard CBT can be helpful, but I haven't gone down that route yet myself.

JustAThought

Not everyone is a cut out to run their own business -and the security of a job where someone else does the tax/contracts/finances/deals/sales sounds as if it will suit you better. Your skills may be in the creative field rather than in the running a business field . You cant expect either the past savings/money to last forever or to live off your wifes efforts forever. Get something even unsuitable just to rebuild your confidence and get you in the habbit of routine and exposure to current trends/technologies and business practices. Once you have a few wins it may become easier -and when you are working in a structured environment for someone with deadlines that are job dependent you may find that your habbit of procrastination or putting off starts to fade.

If.you dont DO.something -anything - noone will ecer know how brilliant you might be and the longer you are out of work the more unemployable and unatractive and unhappy you become - to.yourself and others.