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End of relationship - Lying to colleagues

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  • 21-06-2018 11:14am
    #1
    Talkinghands87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭


    Has anyone experienced this where a work colleague or other accquaintance will ask about your ex partner and you find yourself acting like all is normal.
    Today a work colleague took me by surprise asking does my boyfriend like the new area I've moved to and I found myself just saying yeah. I hate lying but I didn't feel like it's was his business or I didn't want to discuss it or embarrass him for asking. I feel so guilty now.


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    #2
    punisher5112
    Registered Users Posts: 24,647 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Talkinghands87 wrote: »
    Has anyone experienced this where a work colleague or other accquaintance will ask about your ex partner and you find yourself acting like all is normal.
    Today a work colleague took me by surprise asking does my boyfriend like the new area I've moved to and I found myself just saying yeah. I hate lying but I didn't feel like it's was his business or I didn't want to discuss it or embarrass him for asking. I feel so guilty now.

    Don't be stressing tell when you feel like.

    Even casually bring it up as to give others a heads up as such.

    Nice to be nice and I wouldn't think they were being nosy or bad in asking.


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    #3
    Talkinghands87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭Talkinghands87


    punisher5112 wrote: »
    Don't be stressing tell when you feel like.

    Even casually bring it up as to give others a heads up as such.

    Nice to be nice and I wouldn't think they were being nosy or bad in asking.

    Oh definitly don't think they're being nosey but I also don't want to embarrass them putting them in the awkward position. I don't feel ready to talk about it with strangers or suppose I'm a bit still in shock myself and work is my escape


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    #4
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users Posts: 1,993 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    He’s probably into you and fishing for info. He probably knows full well you’ve broken up


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    #5
    Talkinghands87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭Talkinghands87


    Mongfinder General wrote: »
    He’s probably into you and fishing for info. He probably knows full well you’ve broken up

    He's a married man and has no interest whatsoever in me. Im not from the same county, he knows nothing. Pointless response


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    #6
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    OP I've read your other threads and I know you're going through a hard time right now. I wouldn't worry about a white lie to colleagues if it's what you need to do for now. I know if it was me, I'd probably risk bursting into tears! Nobody wants to do that at work.

    When you feel ready, you can just say that you're not together anymore if they bring him up in conversation. If they have any tact at all, they'll just leave it at that and not ask for any more information. They might just say "sorry, I hadn't heard, hope you're doing ok" or something. Then just change the subject. It'll still sting of course saying it out load like that, but wait until you feel ready to be able to cope with it. You've enough on your plate at the moment without worry about your work colleagues.


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    #7
    Talkinghands87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭Talkinghands87


    woodchuck wrote: »
    OP I've read your other threads and I know you're going through a hard time right now. I wouldn't worry about a white lie to colleagues if it's what you need to do for now. I know if it was me, I'd probably risk bursting into tears! Nobody wants to do that at work.

    When you feel ready, you can just say that you're not together anymore if they bring him up in conversation. If they have any tact at all, they'll just leave it at that and not ask for any more information. They might just say "sorry, I hadn't heard, hope you're doing ok" or something. Then just change the subject. It'll still sting of course saying it out load like that, but wait until you feel ready to be able to cope with it. You've enough on your plate at the moment without worry about your work colleagues.

    Thanks woodchuck and sorry to be spamming the forum with my issues.
    I think saying it out is so difficult that I just can't do it. Leaving the apartment this week and handing over the key was enough for me.


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    #8
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Just wait until you can handle it so. I mean you don't want to start inventing stories or anything like that, but if anyone asks about him, a generic response is fine.

    I know for myself after a long term break up it was some weeks/months before I mentioned it in work. It was partially because nobody asked him about him much in general though!


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    #9
    Talkinghands87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭Talkinghands87


    woodchuck wrote: »
    Just wait until you can handle it so. I mean you don't want to start inventing stories or anything like that, but if anyone asks about him, a generic response is fine.

    I know for myself after a long term break up it was some weeks/months before I mentioned it in work. It was partially because nobody asked him about him much in general though!

    One guy in work is particularly pushy and the other was being nice but I can't speak about it.
    I did tell my boss, who's female so I felt more comfortable and she was really really nice


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    #10
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Well that's good that you have someone to talk to there at least if you need it.

    To be honest, they probably suspect something is up based on the move. I wouldn't mind the pushy guy though. If he keeps asking and you don't want to talk about it, just keep changing the subject. Hopefully he'll take the hint!


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    #11
    Talkinghands87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭Talkinghands87


    woodchuck wrote: »
    Well that's good that you have someone to talk to there at least if you need it.

    To be honest, they probably suspect something is up based on the move. I wouldn't mind the pushy guy though. If he keeps asking and you don't want to talk about it, just keep changing the subject. Hopefully he'll take the hint!

    To be fair she hasn't mentioned it since but she knows anyway.
    I'm changing teams in work soon so hopefully I can start afresh as someone who doesn't have a partner and there won't be awkwardness


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    #12
    Canard
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 8,572 Mod ✭✭✭✭Canard


    Definitely not a problem. I understand how weird it feels -- I lost a parent when I was younger and now when I meet people they don't make that assumption but they also don't make the connection when I only mention the one parent, so they'll often ask about the other or about "my parents". Sometimes if it's a close friend or if it's unavoidable I'll explain, but usually I just give a response that could go both ways - so in your case you could say something "Yeah its such a nice area, there's xyz, it's been a nice change", which isn't abrupt but also takes the focus off the awkward part of the conversation.

    Hope things get better soon for you OP.


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    #13
    LolaJJ
    Registered Users Posts: 289 ✭✭LolaJJ


    Yea, I get you OP

    I'd be the same in that I don't really want my workies to know the in's and out's of my personal life.

    You're not lying, you're just protecting your professional boundaries. Maybe in a little while, when you've come to terms with your situation you can throw in a casual comment about being single again or "since we broke up"

    But don't feel guilty or like you have lied, the last thing you want or need is a paranoia that you're colleagues are discussing what's going on in your life


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    #14
    WIZWEB
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭WIZWEB


    They're work colleagues not your friends. It's none of their business. Changing the subject should be as close a hint as you need to give them.


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    #15
    bilbot79
    Registered Users Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭bilbot79


    Talkinghands87 wrote: »
    Has anyone experienced this where a work colleague or other accquaintance will ask about your ex partner and you find yourself acting like all is normal.
    Today a work colleague took me by surprise asking does my boyfriend like the new area I've moved to and I found myself just saying yeah. I hate lying but I didn't feel like it's was his business or I didn't want to discuss it or embarrass him for asking. I feel so guilty now.

    People do discriminate against uncoupled people.


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    #16
    SirChenjin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,111 ✭✭✭SirChenjin


    Talkinghands87 wrote: »
    I hate lying but I didn't feel like it's was his business or I didn't want to discuss it or embarrass him for asking. I feel so guilty now.

    And it absolutely isn't. You handled that perfectly. No need at all to feel guilty. Maybe it was a genuine question, maybe it was nosey, but either way no need to get into detail.


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