Is it ever going to be ok

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and I accepted the fact I'm gay almost two years ago. I've only ever been attracted to other lads and no matter how much I want to be attracted to girls, I'm just not.

I'm just wondering how long is it supposed to take for me to accept this. Theres days where its fine but then theres other days where I'd do anything to be able to like girls.

It's really messed up because I just cant fully accept it and not have any dissapointment/worry/fear about being gay. I thought with time it would change but it hasn't.

I feel lesser than everyone else I know whose straight. I'm not homophobic I really don't care if someones gay or not its just when it comes to myself I have all these hang-ups that I just can't get past.

What can I do to fix this. I've only ever had one-night stands but I don't even want that anymore but I don't even know any 'real-life' gay people and all grindr is doing is make me hate the way I am even more.

baby and crumble

OP, my hear goes out to you, it really does. I remember feeling similar to you, I would have loved to be straight but I just wasn't.

I would highly recommend 2 things.

1) Counselling/talking about it. If you can afford a few sessions with a counsellor who speciailises in LGBT issues it would be brilliant but even just talking to any counsellor would be helpful. If you can't manage that, think about ringing a helpline to talk to someone like the LGBT Ireland helpline (1890 929 539). They actually have an instant messaging service (see http://www.lgbt.ie/our-services/instant-messaging-support-service) if you don't want to actually say the words out loud.

2) Meet some real life gay folks. You'll soon see that we're all different, we're all normal and it's ok to be gay. You're quite young so maybe you could see about going to a BelongTo meeting or contacting them for support? They have a main office in Dublin but also have groups country-wide if you're not in Dublin (http://belongto.org/youngpeople/youth-groups/find-a-youth-group/).

Please just start meeting people outside of Grindr. It's a grand resource for what it is but you're not in a good headspace to be trying to come to terms with who you are via it. Meet people who are gay and love themselves BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it. If it helps to know I'm 36, I came out to my friends and family at 22 and I've never experienced discrimnation at college or work because of my sexuality. I have a wife, a family and a home. I love my life, and I think it's important that you see examples of other queer people who aren't lonely and disappointed.

Sameasyou

When I read your post, it reminds me so much of how I felt at your age. You are trying to accept yourself. Sexuality is a part of who you are, but not all of who you are.
You are probably happy enough with the rest of your life, and to your friends and others dear to you, you are just a normal 22 yr old.
Being gay is perfectly normal and your particular set of feelings are unique to you.
The previous reply was very good, and I would back up everything he said.
Counselling would be beneficial to you and also meeting a few lads for a pint or a chat would help immensely with acceptance of who you are.
I wish there had been better access to information, and discussion boards when I was your age.
I’m in my 40’s, married with kids. I have, for the most part, buried my true self in a bid to be accepted as “normal”.
I went for a bit of counselling a few years ago because I was feeling very low.
Have to say it was the best thing I ever did.
At least I can finally accept myself.
I hope you find your way to accepting yourself, and get on with enjoying life.

imme

Meeting 'real life gay people' as you say OP would be a good idea I think.

I don't like Grindr and think its dangerous, nasty, not particularly respectful or healthy.
Each to their own I suppose.

There should be a few opportunities to meet gay people in a non sexual arena, sports clubs, social groups.

These will suit some people and not others.

You're meeting people based on their sexuality, you mightn't like them, just because they're gay doesn't mean you'll get on, find them attractive, understand them.

It'll be an opportunity to meet some real life gay people though.

Do you go to gay bars etc, another chance to see gay people, again it mightn't be something you're into, shyness etc but it's an opportunity to meet real life gay people.

Good luck

Heebie

imme wrote:

There should be a few opportunities to meet gay people in a non sexual arena, sports clubs, social groups.

I'd suggest activities at The Outhouse, and there are groups on Meetup for various interests.
There are groups that go out to dinner monthly and things like that, as well as groups that do more organized things.

WIZWEB

There are also lots of groups on Meetup.com Some Social like bars. Others activities such as hiking, rounders, bowling, etc. Took me a while to get used to being gay long before these groups even existed. Eventually I discovered that I had a problem with me being gay not other people having it (gay or straight). I still get 'accused' of being 'straight' a lot as I'm just me and don't conform to stereotypes like many others don't. I just laugh at it now.

Being gay is a big part of my personal identity but just being another human being trying to make my way through life is what really defines me these days. Big bad butch me holding another blokes hand walking down Talbot Street in the nineties was such a laugh looking back. Just got the stares and whispers. Think people were more afraid I'd tap them if they said anything out loud haha. See it all the time everywhere now which is great.