Help/advice needed for marriage split up.

0987Anon

Hi Guys, going anonymous for this.
Wife told me to move out of family home this morning in a not so nice way.
I'm a mess and don't know what to do, it has been a long time coming.
She doesn't love even like me anymore. we've been going to marriage service Accord on and off over the last year.
I'm at my fathers home at the moment, I needed a safe place to think. He knows now.
I've rang for appointment with accord and have a meeting for Friday.
Got an appointment with the G.P. tomorrow. I'll need a sick cert for work for the time off.
Told work that crap has hit the fan and will need time off and they know the reason.
I've asked them what do I need to get through this and still have a job at the end of it all.
At the moment I'm looking up places to stay, but how do I get money together for the deposit.
So many questions and I'm a complete mess.......should I inform the solicitor??????
I'm looking for advice from separated/divorced lone father if possible.
Even widowers if they are reading this. I take it the loneliness is the worst issue here.
What else am I to expect here. We have three kids all under 10. What to say to them when they start asking questions.
As soon as she told me to get out of her face this morning I left as I can't have her talking like that in front of the kids like that to there father.
I'm really worried for them...Help please and questions I know there is not a lot of info here. I just needed to get something going.
Thanks.

zapper55

Ok she doesn't have all the power here. I'd talk to a solicitor straight away, do you have any separated or divorced friends that could recommend someone?

Also it's a bit rich of her to tell you to.move out. It's your home too. In fact while I'd move into the spare room the last thing I'd do is move out. Get two.kids to share a room if you have too. And if she's already been aggressive and threatening I'd report it to the guards to have it on record.

I'm.so sorry you are going through this.

CBCTer

Why are the reason she asked you to leave? Do you still love her?

Xterminator

Hi Op

the biggest thing now is you have to protect your interests.

1. you don't have to move out. You can do so if you wish to escape, but it has implications later, in division of assets etc. is there a spare bedroom as a stop gap measure?

2. Get legal advice. I'm not saying you need this break up to be adversarial, but you need to get good advice.

3. see if you can agree with your wife to minimise impact on children.

4. allow yourself to mourn for the loss of your marriage. dont be hard on yourself.

i would say that sitting at home moping will not be a good solution, so get busy. throw your energy into something, be it going to the gym, an old hobby etc. A sick cert from GP will give you breathing time from work. good idea there.

Mokuba

Get yourself to a solicitor ASAP.

Today!

0987Anon

Sorry Guys for the late reply,
I forget that boards needs a internet signal to work.
Thanks for the advice above, it is generally what I've been hearing from people today.
I'll be seeing the solicitor next week. and moving some of my stuff into storage too make room in the office.
Went to the citizens advice centre this morning. Saying that she has no right to ask me to move out. I pay all the mortgage and bills. I'm to look after myself first then the kids. To get some sleep and see the g.p. for a check up. 
If she wants to talk, make sure it recoded down on paper and anything agreed to be put down on paper. If anything she should also be paying half the mortgage/bills. Also to look up play therphy for the kids too see if there is anything up with them. That this process is a long one and to take your time and not to rush into anything. 
Then went to the g.p. later today, again same things repeated and got a good check up. asked him if there is anything he could do in getting herself to talk to professionally, he said he can't, but I should say I've been into the doctor for a check up and maybe that would trigger her g.p. to get her to see someone.
Which leads me into a question from above. From talk to friends and family, it seems I've been subjected to verbal abuse. And just a punching bag for her and to her this from someone you love is quiet disheartening.  Where everything is my fault, you a sh!t father, a liar, lazy and never around, this would be the circle of complaint I get on a daily basis over say the last decade I'd say. We've been to marriage counselling about 6years ago and there was a honeymoon period, but it went a down ward spiral again and of course the thick sh!t I am, I didn't realise it until my blood pressure is through the roof. Generally I would walk away from her in moods like this, but she would hit the right note and I would blow my top. All this in front of the kids. Which I'm most worried about, I don't want them to see me as weak but I don't them to see me put down their mother either. In any case we should be united in parenting and deal with the issues later when kids are not around.
Any idea how would I approach her in getting her to see someone? I thought maybe if she wanted something, I could make it a condition. Mightened be the most subtle way.
Again thanks for reading and giving advice, much appreciated.

Mokuba

Why do you want her to speak to someone professionally?

Literally stop thinking about her.

Unless she is being awful to the kids, then leave it. I'd say she had checked out a long time ago and has no respect for you - that is why she is acting that way. There doesn't need to be some deep rooted psychological reason for her being a bitch to you.

Just focus on making the outcome of this situation as optimal as possible for you. Get to that solicitor. This week, not next week.

professore

You are the classic male emotional abuse victim. You don't even realise you are being abused because the conventional wisdom is that men do this to women and not the other way round, whereas the reality is AT LEAST 50/50, and I suspect higher.

You need to stand up for YOU. Go back to your house and tell your wife she is free to leave but you are going nowhere. And I mean TELL HER. Not ask her. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your marriage is over, and you need to act accordingly.

Also I think you maybe need to look at getting full custody of the kids - your wife doesn't sound like a fit mother if she screams at you in front of them. You will know this better than me of course.

Your wife is a bully and only understands power.