Struggling with the end of a long relationship

Talkinghands87

My partner left me suddenly after 12 years. He left me in debt. To move out of our home without any help, he turned my world upside down.
It's been almost three months and I'm feeling completely worthless and like life has no point tonite.

Can anyone suggest a counsellor, or a type of therapy. I really feel at my wit's end today.

Airyfairy12

Have you gone to your GP? research counselors in your area and discuss treatment options with them and your doctor.

Its only been 3 months, its going to take time to adjust, its been a big shock for you.
Have you contacted a solicitor about the debt he left you in? You shouldnt have to pay that money. Personally if it was me id be contacting his family looking for it, its disgusting that he left you to pay that money and in that situation.

Look after yourself, time really is a healer.

ginandtonicsky

It gets better, I promise. Three months is a blink of an eye when you consider you were together twelve years. This is going to take time, and patience, and there are dark days ahead of you. But you'll get through it. Plenty of people have before you and will after you. You'll start afresh and come to see it was not the right relationship for you.

Therapy-wise, I'd start with your GP and explain what you're going through. She/he might be able to prescribe something to pull you through these rough days, and refer you to someone who you can work through this pain with. Do you have any close friends or family members you can lean on? Someone you can call up and have a heart-to-heart with? I'm not usually particularly close to my mother but she was a rock for me during my breakup, the woman is full of sense. It really helps to just talk and have someone that will pull you out of these early post-breakup day when your brain will trick you into remembering the fond stuff and forgetting all the bad stuff about your ex.

And don't forget, there was bad stuff. You wouldn't be in this position if there wasn't. Someone once described breakup to me as like the come-down when you've got an addiction, your brain plays games with you and goes out of its way to get you back in your comfort zone as it were. Try to resist that. Try to think rationally and about the things that your ex couldn't provide for you. For me, it was security and the kind of life I aspire to. He had addiction issues himself that he was never going to overcome and he wasn't invested in our future in the way that I was. That was going to cause way more heartache in the long-run than a year of pain and sadness in the aftermath of our breakup.

Jenneke87

Hi there,
I remember your other thread and it must be so difficult what you're going through: he left you in debt because of the esb, he's going out, seemingly doing fine despite his depression and gave you no consideration throughout this all..Three months into grieving a long term relationship is not much tbh, you really need to give yourself some time. If you are really struggling, maybe go to your gp and get referred to counseling, as this is isn't just any normal break-up, you were basically abandoned by him out of the blue and left to clean up the mess. You will get through this, but you need to give it time and not worry about the set backs, they are normal, they will occur and with time, will also disappear. I wish you all the best.

Sienna5050

I have no advice other than to let you know ,you arent alone ,iv followed your other thread and i totally understand everything you are feeling as i am going through almost the same
,10 year marraige over ,left unable to manage financially and feeling worthless as he doesnt seem too bothered,and it hurts like hell,especially as he always was so nice to everyone but me ,im only 2 months in ,but a great deal older than you ,but im battling on .and telling my self
,THIS TOO WILL PASS,as im old enough to have been through breakups before ,but this has been the hardest as i know he still loves me but has let his anger and stuberness bring us to this point that i have now lost respect for him ,,im currently taking him of my social media (u can drive your self crazy looking at it )it sucks that almost half my friennds on social media are mutual .
next is the blocking phone (baby steps )
I hope you find your way through ,there is another thread on here about a guys marraige ending that has given very helpfull advice,cant remember the title.

maccored

my wife left after a 25 year marriage - walked out as she had decided (probably years beforehand) she had enough of being married. I got some therapy locally and three years down the road, nothing is as bad as I had feared it would be. In fact life is pretty good now. You need to forget and move on - and I know how stupid that sounds as its a difficult thing to do, but start your new life right now. It's very much worth doing. I just wish three years ago that I could have glimpsed what the future was going to be like and it would have saved me months of self torture

Sunflower 27

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment.

You could check out the IACP website for accredited counsellors in your area.

This is a really difficult time for you, but take comfort that many have been where you are and do come out the other side and are happy again.

I wish you well x