Booking a trip away during brothers 30th

nails1

Myself and my father booked a trip to England for a football match at the end of October. It’s same the weekend as my brothers 30th. My mother isn’t too happy about this and claims we are selfish for doing so. Is it wrong to do this?

GingerLily

nails1 wrote: »

Myself and my father booked a trip to England for a football match at the end of October. It’s same the weekend as my brothers 30th. My mother isn’t too happy about this and claims we are selfish for doing so. Is it wrong to do this?

Did you invite your brother or talk to him about this?

witchgirl26

OP did you invite your brother or see if he was going to organise something to celebrate his birthday before booking?

If not, then I can kinda see your mam's point. It's not like you don't know your brothers birthday. If it was any other age, it would probably be ok but generally people do something for a 30th and if you and your dad are missing for it because of a football match, it's a bit crappy.

seamus

It's pretty standard for families to mark big birthdays with big celebrations.

Booking a weekend away for a football match on the same weekend as his birthday is very short-sighted and a bit disrespectful. Most likely you did it because you didn't realise. But imagine your brother told you he was getting married, and then a few weeks later you decide to book a football trip for the same day.

You win double selfish points if your brother is football fan and you didn't invite him

tony1kenobi

Can the match be moved to accommodate your brothers birthday?

If not tell your ma to cop on. Your brother will feel bad that you and your dad missed the match and that would ruin his birthday if it’s even something he wants to celebrate.

Which he shouldn’t.

Scraggs

You should speak to your brother and see how he feels. Your mother may feel it was selfish etc. but it's not her birthday. Your brother mightn't care, I know I certainly wouldn't. If he does care you might decide for him to come with you or organise to celebrate the occasion with him another way but at least discussing it with him you'll know where you stand.

flandabieduzie

Plan a surprise 30th for him the week before the game.

FurBabyMomma

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Can the match be moved to accommodate your brothers birthday?

If not tell your ma to cop on. Your brother will feel bad that you and your dad missed the match and that would ruin his birthday if it’s even something he wants to celebrate.

Which he shouldn’t.

Absolutely agree, given that you turn 30 all the time and football matches are a once in a lifetime event. Wait ...

The Princess Bride

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Can the match be moved to accommodate your brothers birthday?

If not tell your ma to cop on
Your brother will feel bad that you and your dad missed the match and that would ruin his birthday if it’s even something he wants to celebrate.

Which he shouldn’t.

I agree with the above, apart from the bolded bit.
No need to be rude to your mother, what good will that do?

I'd have no issue, if someone close to me booked an away trip, the weekend of an important birthday.
There'll be another 51 weekends for me to celebrate instead.

Nobody should feel so precious that the entire world has to stop just because they're 30!

rainbowtrout

Does the brother even care? This is all coming from the mother. Do people make a big deal of their 30th? Does a celebration if it is happening have to be on the exact same day?

pwurple

Ask your brother.

woodchuck

OP I think it just depends on how these celebrations normally work in your family.

I've been away for my brothers birthday numerous times and at least once for a milestone. I normally just mention it to him that I'm thinking of booking a holiday on his birthday and does he mind if I'm away. He never minds, but I just like to run it by him anyway to be nice! But he rarely does family celebrations anyway, he normally organises a night out with his friends. So it's really a non-issue in my family.

Ciaran_B

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Does the brother even care? This is all coming from the mother. Do people make a big deal of their 30th? Does a celebration if it is happening have to be on the exact same day?

Yeah, this is the only proper answer. Some people couldn't care less about their birthday and just want the day to be over and done with quickly. Especially "milestone" birthdays.

Ask your bro or tell him your plans and gauge his reaction.

LegacyUser

Are birthdays a big thing in your family OP? Not every family makes a big deal of birthdays once people are past a certain age, certainly in my family we stopped once everyone was past 21 but I've friends who celebrate every birthday like it's there 21st! If you normally celebrate rounds number birthdays like 30 then it was a bit short sighted to book the trip without checking first but if you don't normally make a big deal or if you can celebrate before or after not sure what the issue is.

wyrn

Perhaps your mum was hoping to organise something, like a family dinner.

jimmycrackcorm

It's probably a non issue for the brother because birthdays rarely fall on the Saturday so people either celebrate the weekend before or after.

Of course if it is a man utd match they're going to then op is the worst sibling in the world.

pauliebdub

If you want to go and enjoy a football match with your father go ahead and do it, you can always throw a bash for your brothers 30th the following weekend. The celebrations don't always have to be on the exact date.

Ursus Horribilis

What exactly is planned for your brother's 30th?

tony1kenobi

Your mother is completely right. I can’t believe you would book to be away the week of your brothers 30th never mind your father doing it which is worse again.

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Can the match be moved to accommodate your brothers birthday?

If not tell your ma to cop on. Your brother will feel bad that you and your dad missed the match and that would ruin his birthday if it’s even something he wants to celebrate.

Which he shouldn’t.

What are you on about, if it was my birthday I’d be extremely annoyed if my brother and father decided to go to a match instead of my party, it’s something that I’d keep with me for a very very long time and would damage our relationship for years if not forever.

rainbowtrout

Adrien Great Cloverleaf wrote: »

Your mother is completely right. I can’t believe you would book to be away the week of your brothers 30th never mind your father doing it which is worse again.



What are you on about, if it was my birthday I’d be extremely annoyed if my brother and father decided to go to a match instead of my party, it’s something that I’d keep with me for a very very long time and would damage our relationship for years if not forever.

There is no mention of a party. And given that it's the summer and the football match isn't for nearly four months, it's likely nothing at all has been organised for this birthday yet. The brother may not even want anything, nor does it have to be on the exact day of his birthday.

Spare a thought for those people whose birthdays fall on Christmas Day, Stephen's Day, New Year's Eve, Valentines Day etc who don't have much choice in having their birthday celebrations on an alternative day every year as people are generally busy doing other stuff. I'm one of those and it really isn't the end of the world.

joeguevara

I hate birthdays and for the last 10 years have been away. So if someone booked something away for my birthday then it wouldn’t bother me. But I also know that other people (friends and family members) would be devastated if I did the same to them.

Which means do I want to do something intentionally to upset someone? And the answer is always no. So, ask yourself, would your brother be upset if you and your Dad weren’t there for his 30th? If he would then you shouldn’t go to the match. There are plenty of matches but only one family. Also, it’s his Dad, which may bring up other jealousy issues. If he wouldn’t then go and enjoy it and have a celebration before or after. Also, maybe it would be great if all three of Ye went. One of my favorite experiences is a dad and brothers trip to watch spurs.

FurBabyMomma

joeguevara wrote: »

I hate birthdays and for the last 10 years have been away. So if someone booked something away for my birthday then it wouldn’t bother me. But I also know that other people (friends and family members) would be devastated if I did the same to them.

Which means do I want to do something intentionally to upset someone? And the answer is always no. So, ask yourself, would your brother be upset if you and your Dad weren’t there for his 30th? If he would then you shouldn’t go to the match. There are plenty of matches but only one family. Also, it’s his Dad, which may bring up other jealousy issues. If he wouldn’t then go and enjoy it and have a celebration before or after. Also, maybe it would be great if all three of Ye went. One of my favorite experiences is a dad and brothers trip to watch spurs.

This made me think, did you invite the brother to the match at all? I'm guessing maybe if you didn't it's because he's not into football, but given it's his birthday weekend an invite would have been nice anyway? Tbh there's no way of giving proper advise on this unless you specify what your brother wants in all this.

FurBabyMomma

joeguevara wrote: »

I hate birthdays and for the last 10 years have been away. So if someone booked something away for my birthday then it wouldn’t bother me. But I also know that other people (friends and family members) would be devastated if I did the same to them.

Which means do I want to do something intentionally to upset someone? And the answer is always no. So, ask yourself, would your brother be upset if you and your Dad weren’t there for his 30th? If he would then you shouldn’t go to the match. There are plenty of matches but only one family. Also, it’s his Dad, which may bring up other jealousy issues. If he wouldn’t then go and enjoy it and have a celebration before or after. Also, maybe it would be great if all three of Ye went. One of my favorite experiences is a dad and brothers trip to watch spurs.

This made me think, did you invite the brother to the match at all? I'm guessing maybe if you didn't it's because he's not into football, but given it's his birthday weekend an invite would have been nice anyway? Tbh there's no way of giving proper advise on this unless you specify what your brother wants in all this.

The_Conductor

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Does the brother even care? This is all coming from the mother. Do people make a big deal of their 30th? Does a celebration if it is happening have to be on the exact same day?

I had a birthday party for my 21st- a low key affair at home. Other than that- I haven't had a birthday since- no 25th, 30th, 40th etc (I'm now 44). I normally go to work on my birthday- like any other day- most years no-one knows, and I don't enlighten them. I was in work for my 40th- and helped organise a birthday party that afternoon for a girl who was also 40. I didn't let on.

Different people celebrate birthdays in different ways- or sometimes- don't celebrate them at all. Different things motivate different people- we're all different.

ongarboy

Newsflash, you don't actually have to celebrate your birthday on your actual birthday date! Most people who have a landmark birthday that falls on a week day will have it on the adjacent Friday or Saturday to suit most guests! I delayed my 40th by one week as my mother's retirement party was on my actual birthday. Your brother can be flexible with his birthday plans assuming he hasn't booked some non refundable venue already. OP, this does not have to be an issue or justifiable cause for a family breakdown as some other posters would have you believe!

LegacyUser

Adrien Great Cloverleaf wrote: »

What are you on about, if it was my birthday I’d be extremely annoyed if my brother and father decided to go to a match instead of my party, it’s something that I’d keep with me for a very very long time and would damage our relationship for years if not forever.

Damage their relationship forever? Come on, it's a birthday not his wedding or some other one time event! Not everyone makes big deals of birthdays. The OP has not come back to confirm if there is a party or if his mother just wanted a family meal with everyone. No mention of the brother actually caring one way or the other. I've done nothing for my birthday since my 21st (nearly 40 now) I had a friend spend 2K on a double 40th celebration for her and her twin sister only for the sister to announce she was pregnant 2 months before and the whole thing having to get changed.

Some people make massive deals of their birthdays or families/friends birthdays and some people couldn't care less. As the OP has given little info on how his family are it's hard to judge. if the OP is older and had a massive blow out for his 30th then it's bad forum but if he did nothing then what is the mother suddenly expecting?

GingerLily

It's really hard to give the OP advice given that they've not updated us in the situation. Too much guess work here at the moment.