Constant anxiety

LegacyUser

Hi thanks to anyone who reads this

Ive always had anxiety, it manifests mostly as general anxiety, social anxiety, performance anxiety, ive been agrophobic in the past and always have a knot in my stomach.
Ive been on different medications but they didnt work for me and not a road a want to go to down again, they did more harm than good. I know they work for lots of people and thats great but theyre not for me.
Ive been to several different counsellors over the years some better than others but it didnt help me or my anxiety. Ive had CBT, kept jornals etc but nothings really worked.

If I eat unhealthy or skip too many meals that makes the anxiety worse so I eat as well as I can -Ive fruit for breakfast eat allot of salads and veg and stay away from anything processed as much as I can, I do treat myself. I like healthy food so its not a problem for me. I also walk regularly.

Ive switched to alternative ways of dealing with the anxiety, I take herbal tablets, CBD oil, vitamin tablets and fish oils. Ive noticed a massive difference in my mental health since starting this, I used to get very depressed regularly and that doesnt happen anymore.

I stopped taking the vitamin tablets and fish oils for about a week or two a few weeks ago, Id ran out and never bothered to repurchase, I was feeling grand so didnt think about it. I started to become really depressed again, stopped sleeping, my room became really messy, I missed a day of work and was late every other day. So I went back on the herbal and vitamin tablets and was back to normality within a couple of day, ususally, without taking anything, a bout of depression will last a couple of weeks.

So all that stuff is keeping the depression and insomnia at bay and my anxiety isnt as bad as it was but its still really strong, usually to the point where it physically hurts.
This morning I was woken up by anxiety, I had a big knot in my stomach.

Its set off by the most irrational things, like if someone leaves the house and goes out in the car I cant help this feeling of fear and dread that somethings going to happen to them, theyre going to crash the car or something awful will happen. As soon as they come back home and I hear their car on the drive way I feel instant relief.
My cat goes outside everyday, he's in and out through out the day, I dont keep him locked in or anything but ive constantly got this fear that he'll be hit by a car, someone will take him or harm him or he'll be killed by a dog or wildlife.
My friends are going on holidays and ive a fear of their plane crashing or something terrible happening.
Then theres the thoughts of people suffering, especially my family and friends but anyone suffering or in pain, I cant deal with it. I cant watch those 'funny' videos that show people falling or getting hurt, I cant really watch the news.

Im constantly worrying about my parents dying or getting sick, if one of them has a cough I think theyve lung cancer. If my brother goes out im terrified about him getting attacked or spiked or murdered.


Im quite good at holding this all in, no one knows how much I worry, infact theyd probably think im quite cold but im not im just tryin so hard to hold in the worry and anxiety that I cant really be authentic or myself.
I know its entirely irrational so I dont ever say it to anyone or try to control anyone or stop them going anywhere but the pain of it is really hard to deal with most days, I feel like ive been punched in the stomach.

Ive also got anxiety relating to socialisng, im not half as bad as I used to be but I still feel sick when I have to go out and meet someone, even people ive known years, if im meeting new people or people I dont know too well in a social setting I genuinly think im going to poop my pants. The fear and anxiety is too much.


Is this normal? does everyone feel this way?