Frustrated!!!

cherry26

Hi all

My husband is adopted and very recently had contact made via tusla from a sister. Naturally we were very excited and wanted to get the ball rolling as soon as possible. Im just finding that the process with the social worker is going at a snail pace and im unsure as to why she seems to be holding back with regards to sharing any information. This has all happened in the space of 2 months and my husband is keen to meet as is his sister. Im just wondering if this is normal procedure??

Ghekko

Have they both requested for information to be passed to each other - names/addresses? If so it’s unfair that sw is dragging their heels. Your husband could request that a letter be passed to his sister and though sw could read it (nothing passes them!) he could give contact details on it. After that your husband and sister can do what they like without sw if they wish. However sw is going through a process and needs to ensure both sides are on the same page with regards level of expectations. The waiting is frustrating to say the least!

Kilkenny2018

Hi Cherry26,

I (we) also had a similar complaint 2 years ago, and yes they drag their heels on this Unfortunately. I am a ‘kept sibling’ and the only way we managed to speed up the communication was that Tusla kept my adopted sisters full name on a letter she sent to my mother through the agency. From there I was able to find her on social media and since then contact has been between both parties.

I guess from their point of view they are afraid that if things happen too fast then the other party might have second thoughts on further communication. Also I remember the file was banded back and forth between different social workers so that also didn’t help.

Good luck!

cherry26

He is the youngest of 5 siblings who were all adopted, my husband and 2 others have been contacted and there is another brother who the sw is trying to contact but to be honest it feels like she's dragging this out a bit. My husbands birth mother is deceased and her family is basically all either dead or emigrated long ago. She does have a brother in law who is willing to meet all the siblings and tell them about her but this man is in his late 80s so im kind of feeling like time is of the essence here (without sounding too morbid)

Ghekko

I’d tell your husband to contact the sw this coming week and request that his name and number be passed to his sister ASAP.

cherry26

Ghekko wrote: »

I’d tell your husband to contact the sw this coming week and request that his name and number be passed to his sister ASAP.

Its been over 3 weeks and still waiting on the letter from sister. The social workers phone has been off for the past week

Ghekko

cherry26 wrote: »

Its been over 3 weeks and still waiting on the letter from sister. The social workers phone has been off for the past week

She's may well be off on holidays so there could be a letter from sister waiting on her desk. Is there an office number you can ring to check that she's working these days? The waiting is beyond frustrating.

cherry26

Another week and still no further on our journey. Am I being too impatient?

Ghekko

No. It wouldn't kill them to give an update. Have you an email address for the social worker? If so try emailing requesting an update.

cherry26

He spoke to her earlier but nothings changed. She spoke to the old man who I mentioned earier, but his memory is kaput so that's a no-go. She said she's contacting his sister again to see what the status is on the letter but she's been saying that since last Monday. Still unable to locate the missing sibling, so she will contact again next week. I feel like I could do a better job myself

JustAThought

He might have photos - the elderly man - and people with diagnosed memory issues can often be triggered into notmality when photoalbums are involved! Either way he is a link and might have stories and old photos and names that could be invalyable or open new doors . You could bring a discreet recording gadget in your handbag for the names or ramblings - when they are lost they are gone forever.

cherry26

Hi everyone just thought I'd give a quick update! It feels like yesterday since I started this thread, I didn't actually realise how fast this had gone. Letters and photos were exchanged late last year and my husband met his brother and sister in late January. There are 5 of them in total but one sister died in infancy and the other brother is still hesitant as to whether he will make contact. Nevertheless, the 3 of them met at 11.00 am one Friday morning and he didn't come back home till almost 10.00pm that night. He had the most incredible connection with them and they didn't want to leave each other. It turns out his brother lives roughly a 10 minute walk from us and we literally walk by his house every single day! It's crazy to think about. They have kept in contact and have a group chat set up on WhatsApp. They're going to meet up at the end of this month again, but partners are going to go too which is very exciting!! Will keep you posted xxx

Ghekko

That's fantastic cherry26. Delighted that your husband has finally met some siblings. Wishing them the very best going forward. It can be very intense at the beginning with a strong urge to meet up and be in contact a lot, possibly for fear of losing them again. For us that intensity has settled down a lot now with Dh's birth mum and family. Everyone has relaxed into the relationship and it's still going great. It will be great for you all to meet with partners soon - enjoy it and the new found relationships you will have :-)