Question Advise opinions even?

LegacyUser

Hi all, I decided to go anonymous for this..

I split up with my long term partner last Feb we have been together 14 years were engaged and did live together at one stage for a long time. We also have a son together. But we split up for a year about 3 years ago now.. both dated other people. I seen her out 1 nite and knew I was still mad about her so I called it a day with the girl I was seeing and chased my Ex. Then found out she was seeing someone but it wasn't serious, but she didnt want to know I ended up actually having a bit of a breakdown over it! Never in my life did I ever feel like this even when my dad passed away who I was very close to.. Ended up going to counselling and thankfully came out the other side a lot better. True saying what doesnt break you makes you stronger! My ex suffers with depression and can be very selfish & also plays on it at times.. So we have being on & off the last 2 years.

I have being on here before and was advised not to get back with her and to look up trauma bonding. Which I did and a lot of it hit home. but after we split last Sept. I accepted it and was really happy & in a good place! A couple of months passed & tide turned and she start chasing me! Loads of family & friends told me not to get back she wont change etc but at the end of the day I do love her I think I always will in some way as shes the mother of my son & that draw is always there. So I did and things were great at the start but as always didnt last long before she had my confidence at a all time low.. It really is shattering when your partner shows you no physical affection and Im not just talking sex.

So at the start of the year my cousins asked me did we want to go on holidays with them a big group of us I said it to her, I said look if you dont fancy it, its fine, but Im going to go with our son anyway that I couldn't afford to pay for her but would help. (she was turning 40 this year but I was going to plan something just the 2 of us as well) she said no defininty wanted to go as its our son's first holiday abroad and he was really excited about it. Plus she knows my cousins well and has often hung out with them even when we were split.

So we went away last Feb for Valentines just for a nite and I asked her where we were going? As I felt we were not moving forward! not much had changed from when we were split. We were not living together or even talking about it. I would just stay over in her house on a Sat nite and the rest of the week I would take my son like when we were split. This lead to a fight as she didnt want to know.. But it was always me making the effort in the relationship and I was tired of it. I was starting to feel I deserved better. So I didnt really have much contact with her for 2 weeks and I asked her to go for dinner to clear the air.

So we went for dinner nothing fancy & she said that she was going to Spain for a week with her mate for her 40th and she doesn't care if that seems selfish shes only 40 once and most of her close friends dont have any time for her.. but in fairness she never makes any effort with them and I think they just got tired of her suiting herself. She is a bit of a stoner too & has no get up & go. So I asked her what about our family holiday? She just said shes not going, cant afford it.. I was stunned and just said you know what this is going nowhere and ended it.. I was hurt and sad as I gave everything again!! & angry at myself for getting back with her again. etc But look.. it is what it is... Still to this day it doesn't bother her in the slightest. She's never going to chance and I have accepted that. I just find it weird you could have no feelings about splitting up with your partner even if its the right think to do. Its only human nature.

I set some goals at the start of the year and this was one of them. That if I was not happy & if i didn't feel we were moving forward to end it & as hard as it was I did & in a small way a bit proud of myself as hard as it was.. But we are getting on regards our son theres no arguments so suppose thats something. but I don't really have much contact with her & have deleted her off social media etc ages ago.

So fast forward 5 months.. I feel I want to start dating again and there's a girl I fancy and am thinking of asking her out.. but I dont know if its too soon and am I over my ex! but part of me thinks Ill never will be! but Life is short right? everyone deserves happiness & I have always liked this girl.. But a bit afraid if I do and my ex sees me happy she will want me back.. but I am kinda of have been preparing myself for this anyway.. Maybe she won't ..

I did have a chat with her about us a few months ago basically saying does it not bother her that were split etc and if I start dating someone she wont go wanting to get back as this happened before a few years ago and with a girl I start dating when we were split. The girl I was dating was hurt and understandable & still to this day I feel bad about it! (but I was only seeing her a few weeks) My ex said she said she would never do that and she just wants to be on her own and is happy the way things are.. Even though she did in the past.

So Im kinda anxious about asking this girl out is it to soon? Am I ready? will I ever be? Look I am in a good place & dont think I would go back to my ex.. I dont want to say I definitely won't as I said this before! And definitely dont want to mess anyone around.. Plus another thing this girl mighten even be into me after all this.. ha... but i have a gut feeling she might be.. Trust me I not going in blinded..

I am just looking for other people's opinions? really sorry this post is so long. Just wanted to give some context.. Just feel I have wasted the last 2 years on trying to make my relationship work when I was fighting a lost cause..

Another think if I was to ask her out it would have to be over instagram (social media) Is this creepy? I would prefer to do it in person but I haven't seen her out the last few times I've been out plus I dont really be out much myself..