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Confused by Ex-boyfriends actions

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  • 14-06-2018 11:54am
    #1
    Lady 1234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭


    Any advice welcome

    I broke up with my ex bf 4 days ago.

    Everyday since we broke up I feel like he’s doing extremely hurtful things.

    I find it extremely hurtful, am I over reacting?
    He chose to walk away.


Comments

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    #2
    Mikenesson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 318 ✭✭Mikenesson


    Yes ,you have to switch off from that on your side

    Not him


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    #3
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    He's doing it to get a reaction out of you. Trying to make you jealous & angry so you'll want him back.



    Block him on all social media until it's settled down a bit or even for good.


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    #4
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    These are just petty things to hurt you.

    Be thankful, for these are all gifts that he is, deep down, an immature dickhead.

    When you look back you will be very grateful that he has shown himself to be such a scum bag.

    Delete him from all social media. Block his number. And move on with your life.


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    #5
    Lady 1234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Lady 1234


    Neyite wrote: »
    He's doing it to get a reaction out of you. Trying to make you jealous & angry so you'll want him back.



    Block him on all social media until it's settled down a bit or even for good.


    Thank you. I blocked him on everything now so no contact is possible.
    He knows I love him and care for him very much, we just want different things. I don’t understand why he’s so angry with me.


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    #6
    Lady 1234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Lady 1234


    Mr. Incognito wrote: »
    These are just petty things to hurt you.

    Be thankful, for these are all gifts that he is, deep down, an immature dickhead.

    When you look back you will be very grateful that he has shown himself to be such a scum bag.

    Delete him from all social media. Block his number. And move on with your life.

    He’s blocked on everything now. Thanks


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    #7
    Arrival
    Closed Accounts Posts: 779 ✭✭✭Arrival


    When you say occasional drug use, what is it? I just ask because many people I know occasionally take MDMA or Ketamine or coke and of course some frequent cannabis smokers and they're all good people either studying hard or working hard so I'm trying to work out if the fact that they choose to simply engage in these things occasionally in their free time is reason enough for them to not be relationship material even if they're perfect in every other regard.

    The photos he used on tinder are simply photos, think of them as such. The best thing to do is basically just stay no contact since you've made your decision to end the relationship, you'll need to try and avoid keeping uptodate with anything he's doing


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    #8
    Mikenesson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 318 ✭✭Mikenesson


    Arrival wrote: »
    When you say occasional drug use, what is it? I just ask because many people I know occasionally take MDMA or Ketamine or coke and of course some frequent cannabis smokers and they're all good people either studying hard or working hard so I'm trying to work out if the fact that they choose to simply engage in these things occasionally in their free time is reason enough for them to not be relationship material even if they're perfect in every other regard.

    The photos he used on tinder are simply photos, think of them as such. The best thing to do is basically just stay no contact since you've made your decision to end the relationship, you'll need to try and avoid keeping uptodate with anything he's doing

    Off topic but I'm skeptical of your drug views

    At a minimum they're fuelling the illicit drug trade and it's consequences whatever about the impact on themselves and others


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    #9
    Arrival
    Closed Accounts Posts: 779 ✭✭✭Arrival


    Mikenesson wrote: »
    Off topic but I'm skeptical of your drug views

    At a minimum they're fuelling the illicit drug trade and it's consequences whatever about the impact on themselves and others

    Which is why legalisation and regulation to wipe out the criminal element and black market is the logical solution.


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    #10
    Lady 1234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Lady 1234


    Arrival wrote: »
    When you say occasional drug use, what is it? I just ask because many people I know occasionally take MDMA or Ketamine or coke and of course some frequent cannabis smokers and they're all good people either studying hard or working hard so I'm trying to work out if the fact that they choose to simply engage in these things occasionally in their free time is reason enough for them to not be relationship material even if they're perfect in every other regard.

    The photos he used on tinder are simply photos, think of them as such. The best thing to do is basically just stay no contact since you've made your decision to end the relationship, you'll need to try and avoid keeping uptodate with anything he's doing

    I don’t like it because he gets moody, paranoid and bad tempered after he takes it. Also his circle are frequent users.

    I don’t think people that use it are bad and people react differently.

    If we had an argument he’d leave and go take it. 1st time it happened, he had no control, he drove after heavily drinking.
    2nd time was on holiday last month. he got jealous and aggressive with me so I left him in a club. He spent all his cash on it leaving him with no money for a taxi home.

    The photo was from a holiday last month, that was a night that he talked about getting married and setting down.

    I was nothing but nice when I talked to him about stopping. He even said he wouldn’t be with a woman who took it and has ended relationships in the past because they used it occasionally.
    I respect that he doesn’t want to stop, it’s his decision but he’s is 100% very angry with me for making mine.


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    #11
    Mikenesson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 318 ✭✭Mikenesson


    It doesn't sound like the relationship is over anyhow

    It's seems to be just a temporary.measure


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    #12
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users Posts: 4,510 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    Arrival wrote: »
    When you say occasional drug use, what is it? I just ask because many people I know occasionally take MDMA or Ketamine or coke and of course some frequent cannabis smokers and they're all good people either studying hard or working hard so I'm trying to work out if the fact that they choose to simply engage in these things occasionally in their free time is reason enough for them to not be relationship material even if they're perfect in every other regard.
    In fairness...you probably only see these people at certain times and aren't fully aware of the after effects this could be having on the persons partner or family.

    In any regard, the OP is perfectly entitled to not want to date a drug user. Everyone has their own preferences. Some people don't want to date people who drink excessively, smoke or even those who are shorter than them. Nothing wrong with that.


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    #13
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Sounds like a coke addiction

    Better off away from that if his friends are alll users too

    Most of us grew out of that in our early twenties


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    #14
    seachto7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,863 ✭✭✭seachto7


    Arrival wrote: »
    When you say occasional drug use, what is it? I just ask because many people I know occasionally take MDMA or Ketamine or coke and of course some frequent cannabis smokers and they're all good people either studying hard or working hard so I'm trying to work out if the fact that they choose to simply engage in these things occasionally in their free time is reason enough for them to not be relationship material even if they're perfect in every other regard.

    They might be good people, but they're also hypocrites. Fuelling the drug trade. Simple as that. I wouldn't have time for those people and certainly wouldn't be in a relationship with one.

    On the other hand, someone going out for pints every week is also taking part in occasional drug use if I want to be an arse about it....


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    #15
    Lady 1234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Lady 1234


    Mr. Incognito wrote: »
    Sounds like a coke addiction

    Better off away from that if his friends are alll users too

    Most of us grew out of that in our early twenties


    Seeing it in writing I’m not sure why it upset me.
    I’ve never touched any drugs so it’s a big deal to me even if it’s ocasional use. He’s in his late 30’s. His friends do it at home with kids in the house. It’s not a life I want.


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    #16
    Arrival
    Closed Accounts Posts: 779 ✭✭✭Arrival


    Lady 1234 wrote: »
    I don’t like it because he gets moody, paranoid and bad tempered after he takes it. Also his circle are frequent users.

    I don’t think people that use it are bad and people react differently.

    If we had an argument he’d leave and go take it. 1st time it happened, he had no control, he drove after heavily drinking.
    2nd time was on holiday last month. he got jealous and aggressive with me so I left him in a club. He spent all his cash on it leaving him with no money for a taxi home.

    The photo was from a holiday last month, that was a night that he talked about getting married and setting down.

    I was nothing but nice when I talked to him about stopping. He even said he wouldn’t be with a woman who took it and has ended relationships in the past because they used it occasionally.
    I respect that he doesn’t want to stop, it’s his decision but he’s is 100% very angry with me for making mine.

    That's absolutely fair enough, there's no excuse for that type of behaviour and he actually sounds like he has impulse and self control issues even before the drugs and he then turns to them as some sort of crutch to cope with any difficulty which is a very bad sign for him long term. People this immature and irresponsible should be nowhere near recreational drugs. Hope he gets help because he needs it. Do as the others advised and keep him fully blocked everywhere and stay no contact.

    JeffKenna wrote: »
    In fairness...you probably only see these people at certain times and aren't fully aware of the after effects this could be having on the persons partner or family.

    In any regard, the OP is perfectly entitled to not want to date a drug user. Everyone has their own preferences. Some people don't want to date people who drink excessively, smoke or even those who are shorter than them. Nothing wrong with that.

    No I'd be very close with anyone that I'd speak openly about drug use with and I'd make sure they're genuinely doing okay, and I don't like to associate with unmotivated wasters either. And you're totally right, I agree, everyone has their own preferences and are entitled to reject someone or stop dating them for whatever reason. I was more curious because as an individual I am a completely normal, good and kind person with a good job, hobbies, family and friends that happens to occasionally enjoy vices other than alcohol.

    seachto7 wrote: »
    They might be good people, but they're also hypocrites. Fuelling the drug trade. Simple as that. I wouldn't have time for those people and certainly wouldn't be in a relationship with one.

    On the other hand, someone going out for pints every week is also taking part in occasional drug use if I want to be an arse about it....

    Like I said above, this is why the black market and criminal element of it should be wiped out.

    Lady 1234 wrote: »
    Seeing it in writing I’m not sure why it upset me.
    I’ve never touched any drugs so it’s a big deal to me even if it’s ocasional use. He’s in his late 30’s. His friends do it at home with kids in the house. It’s not a life I want.

    Ah here, you've made the right choice and it's actually a pity you didn't make it sooner. It'll be hard to move on and stopping yourself from reaching out to him but you have to because you absolutely will look back at this only thinking about how foolish you were to not have left him earlier.


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    #17
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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    #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If drug use is a dealbreaker then him using is a deal breaker. I’m liberal in most regards bar drug use, even occasional use, and I’d have zero interest being in a relationship with anyone that uses. Sounds like you’re similar, it doesn’t matter if they can study or hold down a job or be decent in all other regards if you’re polar opposites on views of use.


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    #19
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Posters - the OP has closed their account. However, I am happy to leave the thread open so that more advice can be shared if they are still reading.

    dudara


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