Should I be worried?

BMBM123 · 12-06-2018 6:37pm #1

My ex split up with me 6 weeks ago as he didn't feel the same about our relationship. He still he still cares about me (which I believe) wants us to be friends and we are still friends on social media and plan to meet up in two weeks to celebrate me getting a new job. I just noticed on my instagram feed he has followed a girl he said he kissed about three months before me. They went to college and commuted together. He said at the time she was into him but he wasn't into her. I still love him and want him back (natural as its still fairly new) but should I be worried about this or is it trivial? Should I let it go or worry he may want her now? I feel sick. Please help

Sephiroth_dude · 12-06-2018 6:43pm

Don't meet up with him if you still feelings for him,cancel the meeting in 2 weeks and concentrate on getting over him, block him on social media, you'll drive yourself mad, I know because I've been there.

ahnow · 12-06-2018 6:46pm

I think you should hold off being friends with him until you’re over him...or not be friends with him at all. Go no contact and block on everything for you sanity and to speed up the process of getting over him.

BMBM123 · 12-06-2018 6:46pm

and regards him following this girl now?

Kitty6277 · 12-06-2018 6:50pm

Probably trivial. Maybe she just popped up on the "suggested" follows list, or he happened upon her on it. I wouldn't think too much into it

Gorgeousgeorge · 12-06-2018 6:51pm

Could be noting.

He said he didnt feel the same about you. trust me and do your self a favor and forget about him. You will get over it and meet someone who wants to be with you

Sephiroth_dude · 12-06-2018 6:51pm

Well it could mean anything, maybe he just wants to be friends,maybe he is interested in her, hard to know, don't be obsessing about it though, its unhealthy, you'll drive yourself mad.

jennyhayes123 · 12-06-2018 6:51pm

Do nothing. He is your Ex. Stalking him will only drive you crazy

12-06-2018 6:52pm

Its very possible he's looking to pursue something with her...which is none of your business any more. He's free to do what he wants.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but as the others have said, you need to block contact/ social media until you're over him as you'll only drag it out causing yourself more pain. Will be better in long run. I made the mistake before of trying to be "friends" straight away when in reality i just wasnt accepting it was over.

December2012 · 12-06-2018 7:03pm

It's nothing to do with you. You'll have to accept it.

MiliMe · 12-06-2018 7:08pm

You be broken up, as hard as it might be, who he follows or sees or what he does is none of your business. Tho if they travelled toge ther it wouldn't be too much of a surprise for then to be connected on Social Media.
I'd break contact with him for a while until you get over your feelings for him otherwise you could end up torturing yourself.
I don't think that ex's can be friends, not for a long time at least.

BMBM123 · 12-06-2018 7:10pm

I brought this on myself though. We spoke yesterday and I foolishly wanted to evoke a bit of jealousy show him I was moving on and hopefully make him worry about me been with someone else so I told him I was back on a dating site. I also wanted to tell him Incase his mate told him. He said it hurt a bit to hear that but it was none of his business and we left the conversation positively.

It gets worse. I felt bad all day so I text him to apologise for hurting him and showing disrespect to our relationship. I told him it was only for an ego boost and my priority was me and not meeting someone else as it was too soon for that. He said to do what i needed to do, he didnt take any offence to it and said he could never think any less of me even if I did meet up with someone.

Yes Im an idiot please go easy on me

Contessa Raven · 12-06-2018 7:16pm

OP, for your own sake I'd cut all contact. If you text him every time you have a moment of weakness, it will be a long road to getting over him.

There is a reason why cutting contact is the most advised method. It works.

Paully D · 12-06-2018 7:19pm

As hard and all as it is at the time, social media needs to go almost immediately after a break up.

It’s a blessing and a curse at times, but what is for sure is that it will drive you insane constantly checking it.

We’ve all been there, but you won’t even begin to move on until the social media goes.

BMBM123 · 12-06-2018 7:20pm

Anyone any thoughts on me telling him i was back on a dating site and his reaction?

Wabbit Ears · 12-06-2018 7:26pm

He was grand about it all things considered.

Seriously though. It's over. Stop it.

DonnaDarko09 · 12-06-2018 7:27pm

It sounds like he's very much moved on from this relationship I'm afraid. Giving his blessing to see other guys really means he's checked out. We've all been there OP, sorry but you need to block him on all contact for your own good.

RossieMan · 12-06-2018 7:31pm

He sounds like a top fella. Leave him alone. Get on with your life.

BMBM123 · 12-06-2018 7:54pm

He didnt give his blessing, he said it hurt him but what could he do. He also said he does care deeply about me and misses me. He said only yesterday he couldnt say a bad word about me and I was perfect. So when he said he couldnt think any less of me no matter what I done. I am biased but to me that sounds like he does have some feeling in there

DonnaDarko09 · 12-06-2018 8:10pm

I know this is hard to hear right now, believe me I've been there, but he has decided not to be with you anymore. He "said to do what you needed to do" in terms of moving on, whether that be starting to date again or taking time for yourself. Believe him when he says it's over.

RossieMan · 12-06-2018 8:14pm

Sounds time like her does have feelings for you, but doesn't see you as "the one". No point wasting your time, so he's called it off. Very decent fella, to be fair.

Move on. No point dwelling on something that'll never happen.

Kitty6277 · 12-06-2018 8:16pm

I think he does have some sort of feelings for you, but you can have feelings for someone and still not want to be in a relationship with them. I don't think you mentioned how long you guys had been together, but you don't just automatically lose all feelings for someone when you end it with them, especially if it ends amicably like your relationship did. I know it hurts and you'll feel like sh*t, but I think moving on is your best bet. Find someone who leaves you in no doubt as to how they feel about you

BMBM123 · 12-06-2018 8:23pm

I understand. We have been through a lot and he genuinely is interested in certain aspects of my life as he asks me to tell me how such and such goes etc. We were together just over two years. We had a large argument a month before he called it off as he said he didnt feel right since the argument and doesnt have "romantic" feelings for me since then. He said in the beginning he regretted his decision but he did what he felt right at the time. He said he still loves me (just not in love) and he genuinely thought we were for the long haul (as did our family and friends) up until that fight

Big Bag of Chips · 12-06-2018 8:36pm

I split up from a boyfriend 18 years ago. I still feel very fondly about him, and only have nice things to say about him. He was a really lovely fella, but we didn't work out. It doesn't mean I want to be with him. It means nothing other than we shared a few years together that were good and as a fella he is really really sound.

You can't be in contact with him anymore. Every word you say to him is designed for a reaction. A good/bad. You're looking for him to admit that he got it wrong and wants to get back with you. He doesn't want that. Trust me 'we can still be friends' is rarely meant as 'let's hang out together and meet up regularly for chats'. What it means is, 'I don't hate you, and if we bump into each other it might be nice to chat for a few minutes'. Trust me, when he meets someone else your friendship will be sidelined in favour of his new relationship and you will have to go through being dumped all over again.

A friendship shouldn't be based on one friend saying something to provoke a reaction from the other. You can't be friends with him. You don't want to be friends with him. You want to persuade him to get back with you.

It's not going to happen.

leggo · 13-06-2018 1:27am

Tough love OP but you need to hear it: he’s being nice to you, probably out of guilt for breaking up with you more than anything. But everything he’s saying is consistent with a guy content with his decision. He likely still cares about you and wants to see you do well, but do yourself and him a favour and cut ties now. It’s time to accept that it’s over, seeking comfort and mourning the relationship in other places now, then moving forward with your life without him.

Break-ups are awful, I know, but in a short amount of time if you keep going he’s just going to pity you, and then you’re going to be annoying him and he’ll know it was definitely the right move. The phase after that is him growing distant, then it’s him meeting someone new and you powerless to deal with it because you still haven’t accepted it’s over. Save yourself all of that and what comes with it, it’ll only make it harder (even if that seems impossible now), and cut ties.

Calypso Realm · 13-06-2018 3:01pm

Agree with everyone else in that cutting contact is the only way forward here. You don't have to make a big deal about this by necessarily announcing it in a dramatic manner (as this can look as if you're only doing it to get back at him etc) but something like you believe it's best if you two don't see each other from now on etc etc to give you the opportunity to get over things etc should suffice.

Another reason for this is that if you stand any chance at all of him coming back (and I'm not saying there necessarily is one, I simply don't know, but it's impossible to predict human nature sometimes ) you need to give him the opportunity to experience life without you in it first! He can't actually miss you if you two are in contact and meeting up and he needs to do this first before anything else. Sometimes folk only realise how much somebody means to them when faced with losing the oerson etc. I'm mentioning this because while it's abundantly clear you want him back, you're approaching it all wrong!

seachto7 · 13-06-2018 4:42pm

Cancel meeting him and wait for a few months.

kylith · 13-06-2018 5:52pm

Cop yourself on, OP. You told him you were on a dating site to try and get a rise from him. You were hoping he'd come over all jealous and ask you to take him back. You texted him afterward hoping that he'd admit that he was really hurt and wanted you back.

He has broken up with you.

He doesn't want to be with you any more.

Leave him alone.

Seriously, cut all contact and stop talking to him. Don't meet up with him. Focus on getting over the relationship and moving on. If you keep on with this you're going to make yourself look pathetic.

Chocolate fiend · 14-06-2018 5:23am

You have to go to a lot of trouble to see who someone else has followed on IG. Let him go, it is over. It doesn't matter if he is interested in her, or she is interest in him it's not the point.
You will find someone else.

Verity. · 14-06-2018 6:06am

I don't wish to sound cruel, but it is not your business what he does anymore. He's a free agent.

The things he has said to you are to soften the blow. His intentions are good, but it's doing you no favours, just holding you back in the hope he will change his mind. It seems final.

It doesn't seem fair as he may be ready to move on while you are not. But you must help yourself to get over him. As nice a gesture it is to meet you in two weeks for a job celebration, I think it is completely counter productive and a mistake to agree to it.

Cut ties or you will prolong your heartbreak.

Should I be worried?

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